Is it appropriate for a stranger to comment on a woman's bruises?

rebel8

If you saw a woman in public, and said woman was a complete stranger to you, would you feel it's appropriate to discuss it with her (if you're concerned she is in an abusive relationship)?

If you did, would it be appropriate to do it within earshot of others?

And if she offered you an explanation other than abuse, how would you proceed?

What would be the easiest way for her to get you off her back?

[These questions I ask because I have a medical problem which causes spontaneous/severe bruising and I'm accosted by do-gooders who refuse to accept explanations. Furthermore, I am annoyed that I even need to offer an explanation, but if I don't, they get more persistent b/c they think I'm hiding something. No matter how I react, they think I'm giving excuses and am truly being beaten. Last yr I got a black eye from a mosquito bite under my eye--that was fun. I want to know the fastest way to end the conversation without having left the impression that there was any basis for the do-gooders' concern.]

SixofNine

(((Rebel8))) we're here when you feel strong enough to talk; anything you need.

:-D

rebel8

lol

:-P to you too!

nvrgnbk

Firstly, 6-o-9 is one clever and funny mofo!

But we all knew that already.

It's a tough one rebel8.

Sorry for your condition and sorry for the stress dealing with those do-gooders must create.

I think honesty is best. That should keep some off your back. I for one am pleasantly surprised that so many care enough about a stranger's well-being so as to comment on the bruises. At one time, a don't ask-don't tell policy would have been more prevalent.

Sorry for not providing much help at all.

Nvr

Stealth453

As an ex-cop, I would ask, and observe the persons reaction/response, before I made any decision to proceed. with advice I also think that I would advise her that there were agiencies available to offer help, if help was wanted and/or needed.

blondie

I am fair-skinned and have always bruised easily; I can walk within 2 inches of a desk corner and it jumps out and attacks me.

Fortunately, my bruises tend to be in those unseen areas; I would rather someone ask than not. There is nosy and there is concerned; just be discerning.

Blondie (it's the bruises inside that bother me the most)

Bumble Bee

Rebel8 - I am often surprised at the questions some people ask! On the one hand, it's nice to see that people are concerned for a stranger and offer help, but I can see where it would get tiresome to always have to explain things.

You could say "thank you for your concern, but there really is nothing for you to be concerned about - everything is under control" and then walk away if you are able to, or "thank you for your concern, it's all good now, I killed the mofo!" (sorry - I'm being naughty!!)

BB

nvrgnbk

Blondie (it's the bruises inside that bother me the most)

Awwwwwwww! Here's a from your brother. Regards to irreverent.

Sad emo

Just a thought, could you get some sort of medical note to show the ones who are more persistent? (Maybe you already carry something in case of a medical emergency anyway?)

I would think it's very rude to accost a complete stranger in earshot of others - imagine how more frightened and embarassed they'd be if they really were being physically abused. On the other hand maybe it depends how loud you are - possibly she could be approached discreetly.

I might ask if they were ok if it was out of earshot of others, but wouldn't persist in harrassing them if they say they're fine Maybe I'd say 'are you sure?' and then 'ok, I was just concerned because of your bruises.' Then if she wished to she could elaborate, if not, fair enough, I'd smile and bid her 'goodbye and take care' I'd hope that the person, abused or not, would feel reassured by my concern rather than harrassed.

In case I do find myself in that situation - does it sound ok to you rebel?

Stealth453

thank you for your concern, it's all good now, I killed the mofo!"

You MUST be a biker-chick.

Is it appropriate for a stranger to comment on a woman's bruises?

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