Who Is Merry? I was born in 1965, the same year that Malcolm X was assassinated. My father had committed suicide a few months into my mother's pregnancy so we lived with her parents until she married again when I was about 18 months old. Mom was a devout 3 rd generation JW widow, about 20 years younger than her new husband. Dad was a new JW convert, twice married and divorced before, with psychological problems (probably stemming from his service in WW II) which would only become unpleasantly evident later on. I was always a stranger in my own family. My grandmother thought of me as a "changeling.” No one could ever quite figure me out. I was definitely a bit fey, always wandering off into the hills, talking to trees and rocks and wee beasties, talking to God, trying to figure out whether or not things were really what they seemed or if everything was just some kind of dream. I loved to read, write and sketch. My favorite books were those written by Lewis Carroll and Edgar Allen Poe. Favorite shows were the Addam's Family and Star Trek. I even tried to tutor myself in logic at the age of 12 using a college textbook I picked up at a yard sale. I grew up in a small logging town in northern Idaho in an area that had a reputation (and statistics to back it up) for being one of the worst in terms of child abuse. I think spousal abuse was not far behind. My poor mother was shocked by the barbaric attitudes she observed while going door to door when she first moved there from her family's ranching community in Washington State. Growing up, I had the strange idea that I was supposed to have been born knowing and understanding almost everything and that there was something wrong with me because I didn't. I was ashamed to ask questions, to admit I didn't know, so I researched most things on my own. I always felt like I was struggling to catch up with everyone else even though I usually tested in the 98 th to 99 th percentile of my age group. My fear of openly asking questions was further exacerbated by the discovery that as a JW there are certain questions that it is simply not ok to ask or even think about, at least not more than once. Even so, I was insatiably curious and had to question everything in spite of any shame or censure. Fortunately for me, my mother had taught me to read from the Bible before I started primary school and also taught me how to use the dictionaries and encyclopedias we had. Her mother had been a schoolteacher in the 1930s. We all thrived on studying and researching, but the difference between us was that it was important to them to use only Watch Tower published or approved materials while it was equally important to me not to restrict my resources. I believed what Millions Now Living Will Never Die(one of the booklets my great grandfather read that caused him to become the first JW/Bible Student in our family and in the area where he lived) said: "Every man should be persuaded in his own mind and no man should permit himself to be deterred from examining a question based upon the Bible because a clergyman or any one else makes the unsupported assertion that it is dangerous or unworthy of consideration. Error always seeks the dark, while truth is always enhanced by the light. Error never desires to be investigated. Light always courts a thorough and complete investigation." Unfortunately for my mother, that was sort of my undoing as a JW. I often noticed inaccuracies, contradictions and what seemed to me to be intellectual dishonesty in the study materials that were used during the multiple weekly meetings. That, coupled with some teachings that just didn't make sense to me, definitely eroded my trust in the self-proclaimed "faithful and discrete slave" and the spiritual food they were dispensing. But I persevered as this was my family's whole world, and I didn't want to lose them or lose out on the future paradise we were promised. Perhaps I would find I was mistaken in my doubts and so should just do as we were so often counseled--wait on Jehovah to clear up any misunderstandings in doctrine or organizational problems. So I allowed myself to be pressured into being baptized when I was 17. As most everyone here knows, everything was highly restricted and controlled in the JW world--information, activities, speech. Because Christians are to be no part of the world, higher education was discouraged and preaching was to be our career, although an unpaid one. We were supposed to work just enough to get by. Giving to charity was discouraged and involvement in politics was forbidden. Even though they would say many things were a matter of conscience they made sure you knew exactly what your conscience was supposed to be telling you. A woman was required to defend herself against a rapist but wasn't allowed to learn how to defend herself as that would be violating the scripture about learning war no more. We were also supposed to let ourselves and our children die before taking a blood transfusion because of their interpretation of the Biblical restriction on eating blood, something also forbidden to Muslims who do not restrict its lifesaving medical use however. We were required to accept as absolute truth whatever the faithful and discrete slave class told us, no matter how many times they changed their mind or were proven wrong. They rules they applied to other religions to marked them as "false" were not applicable to them. Members, who called each other "brother" and "sister" as Muslims also do, were incouraged to report each other's infractions to the elders for counseling and discipline. Elders could counsel you, restrict your privileges in the congregation, announce publicly that you had been reproved or announce that you were no longer a member so that no one would be allowed to fellowship with you. We were supposed to be very careful what we said or did lest we "stumble" a brother or "sister" yet had to hide things like spousal abuse, child abuse and molestation so we wouldn't look bad to outsiders. It was after I saw a documentary entitled Suffer the Little Children exposing the problem of child molestation coverups in the Society that I went online to see if there was a follow-up on those who had shared their stories. That led me to Silent Lambs, Free Minds, and the Jehovah's Witness Discussion Forum. The well-researched, well-documented information I found there confirmed the suspicions and experiences of my childhood and young adulthood among the Witnesses. But what I read did not cause me to leave. I had already done that years earlier when the elders of our respective congregations had refused to marry my boyfriend and I and even refused to study the Family Life book with us to help us prepare for marriage. So we eloped and struck out on our own. It was only natural for me to eventually gravitate to a more "spiritual," less structured form of religion as I had always been very mystically inclined and hated restrictions. So I became an eclectic Pagan panentheist and experimented with Wicca, feminist spirituality, Native American shamanism, and so forth. I practiced natural healing methods for myself and became a Reiki Master and licensed Massage Therapist. After about 7 years my husband and I were in a serious car accident and then were divorced. A few years after that we tried to reconcile and had a surprise baby together. We planned on remarrying, but as he was unable to control his drinking and refused to get help, I decided against it. Then, when our daughter was about 4 years old, I had what I believed was a mystical experience with Christ and became a nondenominational unorthodox Christian. I still didn't feel I could accept or trust the whole Bible, but I also didn't feel I had to. Certain key doctrines continued to baffle me on a rational level but the emotions involved were so powerful that I could overlook whatever didn't fully make sense. I threw myself into studying and meditating on the Bible and other Christian writings. I bought several versions of the Bible, even a big expensive Interlinear. I still had some of my old JW publications to compare with also. On the whole I was happy and content attending a nearby Presbyterian Church with a very nice female pastor. Then I made a new friend online, a Muslim man from Turkey. Well, all I knew about Turkey was what I had learned from watching Midnight Express, and all I knew about Muslims was what I had heard in the news, to which I hadn't actually paid a great deal of attention. Even after 9/11. Don't ask me why. I have always been insatiably curious, as I said, wanting to learn at least something about everything, from the inside out if at all possible, and yet Islam barely registered on my radar. Just enough for me to think to myself as we chatted, “What if he's a terrorist? What if he's cruel to women and children? I wonder if he wants a harem?” Friends even warned me that you can't trust Muslims because they are taught to lie in the cause of Allah. Yikes. In spite of all that, and in spite of the language barrier, we gradually became good friends. And every so often he would ask if I had read the meaning of the Qur'an yet. No, I don't remember ever reading it. No, but I'll give it a try soon. No, I haven't finished it yet, but I'm trying. No, I'm too busy right now. Yes, I'm starting at the beginning again. Yes, I'm still reading it. Yes, I've read it finally. Yes, I'm a Muslim. (That last was in response to him jokingly asking me, “So, are you a Muslim yet?” But my answer was serious and when he realized it it made him cry.) It was almost that simple for me, that straightforward. I had became a Muslim as I read and listened to the meaning of the Qur'an and could not deny in my own mind and heart that this really was the revealed word of God—offering clear, direct, reasonable explanations and directions for life--what everyone thinks God, in theory, should have given to mankind but didn't. And yet here it was. Why didn't everyone know about it? Why didn't everyone want it? And now that I am a Muslim, I thought, what exactly does that mean for me? for my life? What do I do now? What Is A Muslim? A Muslim is one who submits to The One God, Allah in Arabic. It is anyone who has ever accepted the message sent from God to any race in any nation throughout all time by means of His various prophets, including Abraham, Moses, and Jesus (peace be upon them). Muslims honor all messengers and all messages sent from Allah, but also recognize that the former messages were eventually lost or distorted. The Qur'an being the final message, however, confirms the former messages and was promised to be protected. A Muslim of today submits to Allah by following the directions given through the Qur'an and following the example of Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) as contained in the Sunnah , testifying that there is no God but Allah and Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah (the Shahadah). A Muslim is directed to wash (Wudu or Ghusul) and to pray (Salat) 5 times per day, to give part of their earnings in charity (Zakah), to fast (Sawm) during the month of Ramadan, and to make the pilgrimage (Hajj) to the Ka'bah in Makkah at least once if he or she an afford to and is in good enough health. A Muslim is also directed to learn about and believe in Allah's Angels, His Books, His Messengers, Destiny, and Life After Death. After some initial resistance due to basic unfamiliarity and ignorance, I researched incessantly entered into the discipline of Islam with a similar enthusiasm and commitment with which one might enter into martial arts training, only more so (for me). When you accept training in a discipline, you don't generally pick and choose which directions you will follow or alter them to suit your own preferences. The few times I was able to attend Aikido class, I remember the class saying to the teacher, in Japanese, “Please give us your instruction,” and the sensei would respond, “Please receive my instruction.” And we did. We listened to what he said, watched his demonstrations, and then practiced what he instructed us to do in the way he showed us. There were rules of conduct and standards of dress. It was difficult, it was challenging, it was culturally and linguistically foreign to me, and it hurt, but I loved it. And I have found Islam to be far more challenging and beneficial and worthy of my commitment. I embrace it's instructions, it practices, its rules of conduct and its dress code, and I love it. It has given to me far more than I have sacrificed for it, and it is a lifelong commitment to learning, self-improvement, and helping others. But what then about the various sects of Islam? and the four juristic schools of Sunni Islam? What about all the conflicting sources of information, the debates, disagreements, disinformation and misinformation? What about all the problems in Muslim countries? What about terrorism? What about Sharia law and barbaric punishments? What about oppression of women? As I said, the first part of my conversion was clear and simple for me, the second part (which is on-going) somewhat more complicated. But my touchstone remains what I receive through reading the meaning of the Qur'an. I compare everything I read and see and hear with that, to help me sort things out. Knowing already that Christianity isn't necessarily as Christians do, it wasn't difficult for me to understand the same thing about Islam and Muslims. Whatever they may call themselves, some live in harmony with the core teachings of their faith and some do not. Some teachings are taken out of context and readily misunderstood, and that misunderstanding is often propagated by enemies of Islam. Also, Islam is monotheistic not monolithic. I have tried to address some of these questions and issues on this board as best I can for others just as I did and continue to do for myself. So here are some links I have found useful and some of you might find them interesting as well: ADULTERY APOSTASY CONVERSION BY THE SWORD CREATION FASCISM HIJAB ISLAM & DEMOCRACY and AGAIN MOON GOD SHARI'AH LAW TERRORISM WAR WOMEN'S RIGHTS I have skated only lightly across the surface of who I am and what it is for me to be a Muslim in this post. But my life is deeper, broader and richer because of Islam, and I feel that I can now participate more meaningfully in the world with a view to the world to come. I feel that I am a better mother, a better friend, a better citizen, more actively involved in charity and politics and education, and all praise and thanks is for Allah. I did not raise the issue of Islams and Muslims on this forum, nor did my new friend Hado, but as I found it falling under attack again and again I felt moved to address it from another, different perspective--mine. ~Merry
Merry Becomes A Muslim (a bit long)
by Merry Magdalene 147 Replies latest jw experiences
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zeroday
The belief in a God is the beginning of destruction. You have followed the path of God and destruction. Just look at the Muslim and Christian paths it is nothing but death. It will not end.....
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Tyrone van leyen
All the power to you Merry! You seem like a sincere and a good person. I wish you well wherever your jouney leads you. Your bio is well written. You like to immerse yourslef in things deeply, to have the fullest expereince. I always left one foot out, just in case things get too strange or disoreinting. That happens sometimes when we experience a paradigm shift. It is good that you maintain and independant mind always.
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unbeliever
Are you planning to raise your daughter to be a Muslim?
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onacruse
Merry, if I may ask a very personal question:
Were you the firstborn?
I have my own very specific reasons for asking this, and not to affront you.
Craig
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Arthur
Merry:
I am curious as to how you are treated in your community. I certainly can't think that there are many Muslims in the area of Idaho that you live. I have a couple of friends from Idaho and they tell me that it is a very conservative Christian part of the country. Does it ever feel like your are marginalized, or gawked at? Have any of your friends protested or any in your community given you a hard time?
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Merry Magdalene
Thank you Tyrone
Yes, Unbeliever, I plan to teach my daughter my understanding of Islam (and everything else) but will leave the rest up to her. No compulsion.
~Merry
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Merry Magdalene
onacruse, I am my mother's only child and I was not raised with my half-brothers or step-siblings who are all older than me.
Arthur, I have been gawked at a few times in the small town where I live (pop.675), but most of the people here have treated me very nicely (to my surprise, I must confess). There are no other Muslims that I know of in the immediate area and the closest Masjid/Mosque/Islamic Center is 100 miles away in a college town. It is a pretty conservative very Christian area. I have heard that my closest friend here is worried about my conversion but is afraid to talk to me about it, afraid that I will try to convert her and then shun her if she refuses. That surprises me as we've known each other for years and have been there for each other no matter what, whatever our differences. So I hope we can talk soon and I can give her the reassurance she needs.
~Merry
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onacruse
Merry, thank you for your quick and open response!!!
If I may ask another personal question: Do you know why I asked my question?