When JW parents shun their df'd children...and grandchildren

by Paisley 30 Replies latest jw friends

  • Paisley

    This seems the epitome of "lacking natural affection". Can you imagine being a parent and not being interested in how your own children are doing? And what about carrying it even further, having nothing to do with your grandchildren, just because the parents are disfellowshipped?

    Unbelievable. I don't find that witnesses in general are this extreme; just the occasion hard case. I know of one example, maybe two. What about you?

  • MinisterAmos

    Actually every DF'ed Dub that I know is hard-shunned by their family. The PO has FOUR daughters all DF'ed and he made sure that neither one got to visit their Mom as she died horribly of cancer.

    My wife's twin told her after the most recent "new-light" in 2002 that she would have no further contact with her because my wife was in hiatus with the Org. Heck I never even met the rest of her family (fortunate because they are all leeches constantly begging money) until after she re-instated. Boy did I become popular after that! Turns out that Dubz like houses on the beach. Course they never even say "Thank You" after the visit, but they sure do like to visit!

    Speaking of ungrateful turds, where is that darn "Thank You" note from the couple that got married in December? Could it have gotten lost in the mail?

  • winnie

    No...I can't imagine anything that my children can/would do that would make me 'shun' them...and then extend that attitude to their children.

    My parents have 'shunned' us for the past 3 and a half years, and they have extended that to our children...as a result they have never even seen our last 3. Would not even recognize the 2 they have seen, now. And it's all our 'fault'...if anyone asks them why...they say that we have refused to let them have any contact with them! Totally not true...although now I would not let them within 10 feet of my kids!

    My hubby's parents shunning of us is only relatively recent, as we officially 'dissassociated' ourselves 3 weeks ago! But they have limited their association with us for the past 5 years...and this includes the children...even to the extent of only seeing our 'new' addition twice in 4 1\2 months.

    And something really strange...at least I thought so...was that when we told brother-in-law we were dissassociating ourselves due to numerous family reasons, he said: "But your childrens photo's are still on their (hubby's parents) walls!" ?????

    No doubt they will all be removed now...as they equate religious beliefs with the privilege of gracing their walls!!! Have you ever heard of anything so stupid???

  • DJK

    There were only a few that were Df'd at my KH. They would attend meetings and after I would see some people talking to them. I questioned that and was told it was OK to associate as long as it wasn't about the bible. Not a hard shunning compared to what I, never baptised, got when I left the JWs. I have seen my father four times in 32 years.

  • Effervescent

    This is a subject that hurts my heart to think about.

    The majority of my family, while not out and out shunning me, are basically actively ignoring me. I've sent letters, photos, etc and haven't gotten any kind of response in years. They met my middle daughter when she was newborn, but that was 7 years ago, and have never met my youngest, or my husband for that matter. (who I've been with for almost 6 years now) In fact, the last time I spoke to my father, it was when I was getting married, and he made it abundantly clear that he didn't want anything to do with me. I didn't even get a card.

    It's so very sad. I live a great life, my kiddos are beautiful and happy, I am a good Mom and wife and try to be an asset to my community. But because I chose to walk away from their particular flavor of religion I am evil and not worthy of their love.

    I stopped leaving messages on their phone 2 years ago and sending the letters and photos 6 months ago. I'm tired of trying. Their loss.

  • InquiryMan

    Disassociated two months ago, after not been active for 4 years (severing 25 years of activity, the last 11 as an elder). Now shunned by parents, sisters and grandmother. Although they have stated they do want contact with my children, they do nothing actively at all in order to achieve this. Never calls or whatever. Thus, the children get a very distant relationship to them. Not seen, not thought of. It is sad, they live only 15 minutes drive away. They have not even been to my new flat, although I have lived here for 9 months. (Technically, they could do so until I was DA). Basically, they are nice, devent people, though captive by a heartless religion. But I cannot blame them. My (ex)wife and I did shun my sister-in-law for 5 years when we were in. She had to loose a baby before we got in touch again. It was the beginning of the end of our involvement inthe religion. I guess it was the DF policy/shunning (that I actally never fully sanctioned, nevertheless adhered to because of "loyalty") that made us leave, in addition to other issues.

    It is their loss. My grandmother of 86 stated she wanted to keep in touch with me, but changed her mind. She sounded like a parrot when stating that "I have left the family, they have not left me (!). Too sad that they mix leaving a religious community with the family. But years of religious indoctrination takes it toll. Fortunately, I have got in touch again with my secular relatives, that I previously only met in funerals. They have accepted my fullheartedly. We only live once, and it is so sad that the Watchtower society makes the livesof 100,000 of families less enjoyable that it could be. They state "love thy enemey", but shun their own. It is honestly too much OT-theology.... Not strange that I have turned into an agnostic.

  • Dismembered

    Greetings Paisley,

    When JW parents shun their df'd children...and grandchildren.....

    They should be bound, tied up, and left for dead.


  • Gordy

    I was told to leave my family home in Dec 1996 because of suffering depression I was considered a "spiritual danger" to the family.

    After learning the "truth" about the Watchtower I disassociated in Sept 2001.

    Since then my JW wife and two JW daughters have not spoken to me.

  • blondie

    I find that JWs fall into 2 categories on this:

    The Hardliners

    The Behind the Scene Contactors (or If There is Money Involved We Can Talk to You)

    The Hardliners live the the principle that if the person had committed the "sin" under the Law code they would have been put to death and there could be no communication (but would these people children have been put to death too?)

    The Behind the Sceners tend to be elders who find a way to justify "having necessary family business" and phoning df'd children every day, car pooling with them, etc. It is never a good idea to go to an elder body to complain about a fellow elder's association with his df'd family. They will quickly close ranks and tell you that it is not your place to "judge" and the elders have the situation under control. (I dare any rank and file to do the same thing without a "visit" from the BOE.)


  • Xena

    My father-in-law hasn't seen my daughter in probably over a year. Never calls, never asks about her. He lives in the same town, sees his other grandchildren on a regular basis. Between that and my sisters shunning us she feels a lack at times in the family department. I found a paper she wrote for school that spoke about the fact that one third of her family was dead, one third don't have anything to do with her and one third we see from time to time. After that I stepped up spending time with the ones that do associate with us.

    You do what you can.

  • megsmomma

    I am in that situation too. When I look at my baby, I just can't imagine ever wanting nothing to do with her, and find it hard to believe that is the way my mom wants it. Very sad.http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=FamousMeg By the way....here is a video of my baby and what she is missing.

  • avidbiblereader

    I deal with every day with my daughter who is 22 years old, she has been in therapy twice, cried more times than I care to count,

    It is the one and foremost thing in my life I regret, allowing her to get baptised at age 11, to suffer and deal with this because of the teaching of allowing your children to get baptised at a "CHILDS" age.

    It is painful and the most unnatural thing I ever witnessed.


  • hamsterbait

    You may be upset that grandparents are not seeing the children at the moment. In a few years you may well be thankful.

    The Grndparents will often pour WTCTS poison in their ears, confuse them with divided loyalty, and plant psychological booby traps that go off as they get older.

    When the kids are older and more resilient, they can see the manipulation for what it is - especially if they have been forewarned.

    Just be happy they can have a happy childhood, not being dragged to the Hell when they sleep over, and play sports on Saturday.


  • sammielee24

    Solidly/totally shunned by an entire family of hardliners. Mother, sister (husband is an elder); brothers (elders) (wives and families all lifers), my own children (all hardliners) and every single person I've ever known in my life since they are all witnesses. I've never met my childrens spouses and will likely never meet my grandchildren. My children have threatened my own mother with shunning (and they're all witnesses) should she breathe one word about them to me. The vast majority inside were no different than myself in that we lived and breathed for the society thus felt it our responsibility to uphold all the rules. sam.

  • Paisley

    Amazing accounts, and so very sad. If only everyone knew what it could mean later, to respond to that knock on their door, and the smiling face that misrepresents everything to the householder!


    it is the one and foremost thing in my life I regret, allowing her to get baptised at age 11, to suffer and deal with this because of the teaching of allowing your children to get baptised at a "CHILDS" age.

    ...yes, that is very sad, and such a regret for a parent later.

  • mcsemike

    I wasn't DF'd and I didn't DA myself, just faded. I wrote some letters to my wife, who left me because I read COC. I tried to reason with her, but she is a company person. Neither she nor my 21 year old daughter will talk to me. Letters, phone calls, all ignored. They use caller ID often, I guess.

    Most DF'd people I know are having trouble with family ignoring them. I've read of suicides because of this. I don't think God would be happy. That's how I know the WT will fry for this in the future.

    If children are DF'd and parents don't speak to them (and the kids are underage), I think the parents are unfit and the social services should get involved. That is mental cruelty. How any parent could do that and call themself "Christian" is beyond me.

    This is one very sick cult and the government needs to step in, outlaw them, take their assets, arrest the leaders, and ban them forever.

  • Mary

    The opposite happens too. When the grandparents decide they don't want to have anything more to do with this cult, their children quite often employ the method of holding the grandchildren as emotional hostages. My one girlfriend has not been able to see her two grandkids for over 3 years now. Her terrible crime? She celebrates Christmas and birthdays. I've long thought that grandparents who are denied the right to see their grandkids because of this f**ked up religion, should go to court for Grandparents Rights. No Witness would ever let it get that far, because they know full well how insane and unfeeling they'd appear in front of a judge, not to mention the newspapers.

    While I'm fortunate enough not to be shunned by my family, I'm well aware that many are not as fortunate as me. It's incredible that shunning family members who don't agree with your religion, is even legal.

  • greendawn

    It is a diabolical organisation, only such an org would go as far as corrupting the family bond between parents and children or between brothers/sisters. They claim that the early church did the same but that is not the case, they made it all up. Surprisingly the dubs find this sort of policy perfectly natural that's how programmed they are.

  • winnie

    I was just wondering...is there any legal avenues you can take against jw's for shunning? Doesn't it equate with slander etc?

    I know other religions have had this happened and as far as I know, some have won against the churches...but I can't recall them at present.

    Does anyone know, or have heard of someone sueing the JW's for this?

  • Cordelia

    are you joking?? how can you not know of hardly any??

    I for one have lost my entire family (or if one member speaks these imense guilt to be gone thru) and know many more the same!

    I never realised their were ones who spoke to their dfed ones, wish they'd speak to my family and show them how to be humane!

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