A quick question:

by Vinny 32 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  OnTheWayOut

  On the same subject-

  I was at a funeral in a funeral parlor last week. It was the non-JW mother of a JW woman who had
  passed away. Even though I am a fader that stepped aside as an elder, the congregation elders
  have not talked bad about me, and the cong. members still view me pretty well, so the JW woman asks
  to a small circle of friends, and they all look at me for the answer- "She had a JW neighbor who was a
  good friend. She got disfellowshipped. Is it okay for disfellowshipped people to come to funerals?"

  (You all can see the ridiculous side of this question, but they could not.) All eyes on me-
  "Your mother was not a Witness, this is not a Kingdom Hall, and disfellowshipped people are free to
  go wherever they want to go even if it were a Kingdom Hall, why would you even ask?"

  "Oh, yeah. If she were to come, would I be allowed to talk to her?"

  "You are allowed to talk to anyone you decide to talk to."

  "I won't get in trouble, though?"

  "Do you want to talk to her?"

  "Yes"

  "Talk to her all you want, hug her if you want to. Just don't go out to dinner with her."

  "Okay." (She didn't come, though.)
• 

  becca1

  The visitation idea is a good one. If they are not having one, just go to the funeral and stand in the back. It's about showing your respect for your friend, forget everybody else.
• 

  blondie

  Vinny, sorry to hear about your friend's death.

  My thought would be, would any of these people talk to you at the funeral, the young man's family and your family? If not, would it be helping or supporting them or you at this time?

  Is it possible to see them at home or at a restaurant or some other more neutral location where they would more likely be able to talk to you and acknowledge your presence?

  A card is nice with a happy memory (and photo); does the his family need some help financially that you can help in a small way?

  People need support long after the formal funeral and talk. Are there ways you can give that, say 6 months later and his widow's car breaks down?

  Blondie
• 

  Paisley

  I would go. It would be right to show he meant a lot to you and it would be the kind thing to do.

  It would be hard to do, and that would make it all the more meaningful.
• 

  Highlander

  Definitely go. Show your respects, and show the j-dubs you are a normal caring person, not the satanic, blood sucking, apostate that they consider df'd individuals to be.
• 

  Blueblades

  You say that his wife lives next door to you. You could speak with her privately and give her a card and words of condolences. If anyone were to question your not being present at the Kingdom Hall Funeral, she could speak up for you that you spent some time with her in her time of grief. I always use to be one of the very last to give condolences when things have become quiet. I don't believe in crowding a person in grief when many others are doing that at one time. I prefer to quietly approach them when things have settled down.

  Blueblades
• 

  Junction-Guy

  Well as bad as I cant stand the kingdom hall or anything JW related, If I were in your shoes, I would go. It just shows that you care and are a decent person. I have went to several JW relatives funerals in the past 5 years. My only exception would probably be if the JW died from lack of blood, then I probably would have to stay home, otherwise I would be tempted to speak out. So I say go out of respect to him.
• 

  ButtLight

  "Talk to her all you want, hug her if you want to. Just don't go out to dinner with her."

  My grandpa went 90 years to the catholic religion, and switched to jws. His funeral wasnt held at the hall, but my family and others talked to me. I was also invited to go to the dinner held afterwords, which, after seeing that rediculous speach, I chose to go home and drink instead!

  You have a tough choice there, I dont know if I could go to the hall for a funeral, unless it was a reletive.
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  "Talk to her all you want, hug her if you want to. Just don't go out to dinner with her."

  That is, of course, a silly reply to a silly question. You can even go to dinner
  with a DF person. I was replying to her fear of Jehovah a judicial committee.
• 

  Vinny

  Thanks for ALL of your comments and opinions. I really do NOT want to step foot in the Kingdom Hall this soon. I do not want to have to see all of these very same people that have shunned be every single day. (I live on an island, trust me, you see the same people everywhere... and they all do the "shun thing" very well). I do not want to hear another generic, boring funeral talk either. Etc. etc. etc.....
  
  But I am going anyway. Luke deserves it. He was a great kid. The only person that did not treat my like some leper. It starts in 45 minutes.
  
  Better find my tie...