Help, I can't seem to keep my nerve!

restrangled

As many of you know, I have been shunned by my mother but due to all I have done for her and her attachment to me she has slowly let me back into her life,

Today I stopped by her home for decorating input and I pulled a bottle of wine from the car so that we could share it together and enjoy what we were doing. She had one glass and went into how I must stop smoking for Jehovah. She then admitted that she and my father had never had a relationship with J. but entirely with the organization during the 70's and she admitted we were raised without any regard to god just fear of the org. (She said after the 75 thing she was ready to quit, and my father as an elder did) She then stated that is when for the first time she started having a relationship with god.

She then stated that now, Jah is calling me and I must quit smoking for him.

So how does this work? Because she has a supposed relationship after the 70's I am suppose to Too?

I brought up the blood thing and stated, that you either take blood or you don't. They need to stop playing games and she agreed. She even asked an elder if someone in the hall needed blood fractions and could donate what someone needed would that be allowed. They told her absolutely not. So she asked them why would anyone be allowed to accept fractions from strangers when we cannot contibute to the supply ourselves? (They had no answer)

I guess my question to you all is I still feel so tortured with the descrepencies. It stinks, I want to be friends with my mother but I AM GETTING TO THE POINT WHERE I WANT TO SHUN HER!

Maybe I don't make sense, but why do I feel like SCREAMING!

r

looking_glass

You cannot reason w/ the unreasonable. JWs will always have a reason for the lunacy that they are causing/living.

I just lost a close friend. He was raised a JW but stopped going a long time ago. I was raised w/ his family as a 2nd family. I had to sit there and listen to his mother say that we all needed to bring ourselves back into the "truth" because that was the only way we could ever see our friend again. I just telling myself to keep my mouth shut because she had just lost her son.

fullofdoubtnow

I'm sorry restrangled, but I found this piece of "wisdom" hilarious:

She then stated that now, Jah is calling me and I must quit smoking for him.

JWs aren't very logical are they? I don't blame you for feeling like screaming after a conversation like that, I would too. I guess it's her way of showing concern for you, from her jw standpoint. She thinks your eternal life is at stake here, and doesn't want you to miss out, and maybe thinks that quitting smoking, which is obviously a healthy thing to do anyway, would show jah that you wanted a relationship with him, and were prepared to make a sacrifice in order to get back in his favour.

Don't think too badly of her, she's acting like what she is - a jw, but I can see how frustratibg, to say the least, such a conversation would be for you, and I don't blame you for not wanting to listen to it on a regular basis.

Linda

Xnived Shadow

Maybe you should just try rationing out your visits with your mom. You know don't shun her but limit your time around her so you won't get overwhelmed by all the nonsense. Your mother of course is always a priority but sacrifice putting yourself under stress when you dont have too. Then the relationship will be strained and you might lose it. Anyways hang in there and maybe u should scream.

carla

What the heck? Is smoking a big issue again? I mean I know it always is but this is the second reference of late I have heard of it.

Lady Lee

Keep up your nerve for what?

Distancing yourself from your mother?

That is one of the most important bonds in life. That is what most of us ache for. It isn't a bad thing that you have a somewhat relationship with her.

Sometimes we just need to set some limits in the relationship. You know she isn't supposed to talk to you about "spiritual" things.

But if we decide to set those limits we need to remember the WTS will exact its price.

I think it boils down to how much "Jehovah" you are willing to put up with to have this relationship. Ultimately you will have to decide whether the price is wotrth the digs and guilt-tripping. Only you can decide where that line is for you.

PS I think you should quit smoking too but not for Jehovah. I doubt he cares. But for YOU and your future health (sorry the mother in me comes out every now and then)

My MILs worst nightmare, a nonJW

(input from hubby familiar with both parties)

The dynamic between you and your mother has always resembled the following....

Your role...you are polite to your mother, the relationship with your mother is and always has been important to you, you enjoy being around her in small doses especially when sharing a few glasses of wine, you have had some common interests/hobbies over the years that you enjoy, you never argue with her, you are never disrespectful of her.

Your mothers role...she comes to you so that you can be a sounding board for every problem she has, she asks for your help and support, then after you have freely given of yourself and her problems are solved to her liking, she starts in on you and the religion like you are a 12 year old.child. She works herself into a lather and you become the sole focus of her JW rants. You sit there and say nothing. When her toungue lashing is through, you politely excuse yourself.

You deal with her abuse by saying nothing to her, internalizing it, coming home, getting angry, then getting depressed.

The simple answer is that you need to lay new ground rules with your mother. You have never stood up to her.

Are you a passive, mamsy pamsy person by nature? Absolutely not ! You are not afraid of taking on anyone, anywhere, ever!

With your mother however you absoluely freeze... every time for 47 years!

MsMcDucket

Maybe I don't make sense, but why do I feel like SCREAMING!

Restrangled, I know just what you're talking about. I kicked the twins out for having a holier-than-thou attitude, and for trying to make me feel lowly. That was just the *kicker* literally. They weren't kicked to the curb. I made sure that they had a car, cell phone, a place to go, money so on and so forth. I just couldn't take it anymore. I don't know why I ever let them study. I didn't come to my full senses until after they were baptized. Now, I'm eating crow!

OUTLAW

My mom drove me nuts.Wouldn`t shut up if you put a gun to her head..She dosen`t bother me now..Seen her twice in 8 years..It`s nice and peacefull now..LOL!!...OUTLAW

restrangled

mil is correct. I lay down every single time.....why I don't know.....Today I came home and painted a room to feel good.

It did make me feel good until I was finished and then the conversation started eating at me.

r.

Help, I can't seem to keep my nerve!

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