What do YOU say to people in hopeless situations?

by AlmostAtheist 34 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  AlmostAtheist

  Sometimes you have a friend that falls on hard times. Their health fails, they lose their jobs, they spend their last dollar -- whatever. They don't have anything good on the horizon. They come to you.

  What do you say?

  Let us assume that you don't have the ability or resources to correct their situation. (You're not rich, you're not a doctor, etc)

  I have been saying things like, "Things will turn around" and "It all seems overwhelming now, but you'll come thru it" and other non-helpful things. I believe them -- they aren't just insincere feel-good's -- but they aren't directly helpful either.

  Any thoughts?

  Dave
• 

  AK - Jeff

  " Just know that I love you. Some matters are out of my hands to fix, or even to know what to say. But know that I care and love you."

  No false hopes. No bravado. Just sincere human emotion.

  Jeff
• 

  parakeet

  "I'm so sorry to hear about your [health, job, etc.] What can I do to help?"
• 

  Life Is Grand

  I always say that I am here if you need a shoulder to lean on, or if you need to talk about anything at all.

  I also tend to throw in "There is always a light at the end of the tunnel" as well-and I really mean it-no matter how tough things may look, you will eventually hit the bottom and start working your way back up again....it's inevitable.

  LIG
• 

  Fleur

  I think that saying "Yeah, it's bad, and I'm sorry that you have to go through this." is validating and doesn't try to minimize their pain. The only thing worse, I've found than having really hard times, is people telling you "this too shall pass". That always annoys the living hell out of me.

  Yeah, it will, but that doesn't make it any easier in the interim.

  Just say "I'm sorry, and if there is anything in my power i can do to help, I'll help." Then follow through. If there is truly nothing you can do to help (ie, you can't afford to give money, etc) then offering and giving a listening ear can be very helpful. Just be there.

  hugs

  essie
• 

  JWdaughter

  Let them know you care, you know things are so difficult and you will be happy to be a sounding board for them, or a shoulder or whatever. When you sincerly wish to be helpful, but have nothing that can fix it, the other one knows and appreciates you at least being willing to acknowlege their pain or difficulty. In the case of death, divorce, illness-so many people just don't say anything cause they don't know how to fix it. Well, since you can't, say, "I know I can't fix any of this problem for you, I wish I could, but know that I love(care for) you and am willing to listen and help out in any practical way that I can." Sometimes love is just an open ear.
• 

  SixofNine

  This little chestnut always works magic: "Buck up, little trooper". Sobs of joy spread across my friends' (or strangers', for that matter) faces upon hearing it, inspired by the love writ large in those four small words.

  Hey, it's better than encouraging them to pray and get to meetings ;).

  But seriously, I try to find a way to help them, either physically, fiscally, or if that's not possible, with good (ie: well researched) advice from a different pov. I'm not much for platitudes, but then again, some old maxims have stood the test of time because they are correct; the sun will come out tomorrow, and time does heal all wounds (if you want to be healed). The "all clouds have a silver lining" thing though? That's just stupid.

  Hope this helps, and buck up little trooper; 37, while VERY, VERY old, still leaves you with alot of living ahead of you.
• 

  fullofdoubtnow

  Usually sorry to hear that, and hang on in there, I'm there for you.
• 

  OUTLAW

  If you die,can I have all your stuff?..Cheers them up evey time!..
• 

  jgnat

  Lessee, Pastor covered this a couple Sundays back. Here's the do's and don'ts for the bereaved that I remember.

  DO touch. DO say "I am sorry." DO provide eye contact.

  DON'T tell them it will get better. DON'T tell them you understand. DON'T tell them all your problems by comparison. You are right, it will sound trite.

  DON'T wait, or assume they don't need to see you.

  DO bring food. DO visit soon.

  Pastor would be so proud.

  By the way, my personal worldview is that there is no such thing as a hopeless situation. There's always a way out, and sometimes these tragedies can spur the person in a better direction for their life. But it is not right to bring this up at the point of bereavement. Just be there.