Thoughts...

by RichieRich 52 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  bikerchic

  Beautifully written Richie and very heartfelt. It would make a lovely Mother's Day card, you might consider making it and having it ready to send to her next year on Mother's Day. Who knows maybe you won't need to send it bacause the situation and feelings have changed.

  One lesson I've learned in my life is as a crappy teenager who gave my parents much grief, it sucked and as a parent who had teenagers (none as bad as I was) who gave me grief, it sucked! But never once did I truly believe my parents didn't love me, if I did I would be dead a long time ago and never once did the thought of not loving my children ever cross my mind, if it did they would have been dead long time ago.

  Lesson, we all have needs to feel loved which no one can meet, those needs must be met by ourselves and we really must let others off the hook for not knowing how to love us the way we need to be loved in order to really feel loved. As a parent I know I fail to meet my children's special needs but I tell them every time I speak to them how much I love them at least they hear the words and I also tell my own Mother how much I love her every time I speak to her, best thing is regardless of this crappy religion she is in she tells me she loves me back. I do loving things which I hope shows how I feel toward my family, I walk the walk and talk the talk.

  Open the door of love Richie and begin the walk through it. Baby steps.
• 

  Shakita

  Hey Richie,
  
  The Witnesses have it all wrong. If we are to love God like he loves us then we must love one another unconditionally. The witnesses are taught that their love towards others is conditional, dependent on whether or not their loved ones toe the line of WT doctrine and theology.
  
  You have chosen to love your mother, despite her anger at your rejection of WT theology. I know that, despite her anger towards your decision to leave the WT, your mother loves you deeply. Just remember that her words and actions are being influenced by the hold that the WT has on her mind. Her mind is experiencing warfare between her love for you and the battle in her mind of what the WT has taught her. She has been taught to reject you if you reject the WT. Give her time Richie. She may soften as the years go by.
  
  Mr. Shakita
• 

  anewme

  Richie darling, you are a man now. You decide for yourself how to live your life.
  
  Your mother needs to understand this and know her place.
  
  Even Jesus and his mother came to this spot in time. They too were very close, but at some point he had to turn to her and say "Woman, what have I to do with you?"
  
  I think the understanding of that scripture was to signify a change in their relationship. He was now considered a man and rabbi by many and no longer under submission to his mother.
  
  Of course he loved his mother very much. That was not questioned. It was HIS MOTHER WHO HAD TO LEARN THIS LESSON.
  And it is your mother who has to learn to respect you as head of your own life now.
  
  Dont beat yourself up over this. Your submission to your parents was LONG OVERDUE for an overhaul based on the fact that you are such a bright and independant young man.
  Your mother's headship over you had to end at some point, love.
  
  It is not right that you go groveling back to your mother. She is the one who must mature and understand her new role with you...loving mother, not your Master.
  
  You will continue to mature and find a good young woman "and you will cling to your wife" and she will become the main woman in your life to bring you comfort and give you respect.
  
  It is all happening for you as nature intended. Just relax and "be" with it and let it unfold like a flower. Everything will be alright.
  
  Concerned,
  
  Anewme
• 

  undercover

  A very moving note, RR

  you are a man now. You decide for yourself how to live your life.
  
  Your mother needs to understand this and know her place.

  Yes, you are a man now, time to live your life. And while your mom needs to understand this, she may never do it. Anyone who has had a manipulative parent can attest to, even when you know your are doing what's right for you, they will find a way to load the guilt on you.

  As has been brought out already, the pain that you feel for hurting her is partly based on her conditional love. It's conditional on that you live your life the way she wants you to live it. But you're not the little boy that she made go to meetings anymore; you're a young man who must find his way through the world. While you may choose a path that she may not agree with, if she has any motherly love left in her at all, she will still love you even with the guilt she heaps upon you.

  I think in time, you can show your mom what a real man you are for continuing to love her and live a good, honest life. Even if she never admits it to your face, she'll be proud that you became your own man and that you are a decent person. But that takes time...and it never ends. It will be a constant feature of your relationship for as long as you both live. You will have to be the bigger person and realize where her limitations come from and give her the benefit of the doubt. Just learn to walk away for awhile instead of letting her manipulate you to a point where you become unhappy. But always come back to show her that you care and love her.

  Good luck to you, young man.
• 

  Apostate Kate

  Richie you are a dear brave soul.

  Never lose hope that your mom will soften. Love really does hurt sometimes.
• 

  xjwms

  Richie

  Too bad your mom is SO brainwashed.

  Your note is heartfelt.
• 

  Balsam

  Richie she is tormented by her own twisted perception of your turning on the religion she was so sure you loved. That perception she has colors everything she thinks and feels.

  I recently found out that one of my son's (who is no longer a JW) has done something terrible that has brought the law down on his head. I feel such shame for what he has done as though his crime has become mine. I love him, I hate him, I am angry for how he has disappointed me by wasting his life. Knowing he will spend many possible years in prison for his crime. I love him no matter what but at the same time I want to strangle him. I feel the need to distance myself from him because it just hurts so bad.

  Your Mom is feeling simular to me but about how you let her down in regards to faith, her religion. She fears for the wrath of God coming down and destroying her only son. She is afraid for you, she mad at you and its all because she loves you so much. You see when we love so deeply another human being, we can be hurt by their actions. And it all has to do with her perception. You know and we know her perception is just wrong and warped and she never really researched this religion she is so devoted too. But still she feels this, and you in turn are questioning if she still loves you.

  You just need to assure her that no matter how mean she may be to you that you love her without fail. That will melt the icey fear she is living in right now. She fears she has lost you, so assure her that God has never turned his back on you and you remain confident that you are still pleasing to the God of the Universe.

  Balsam
• 

  anewme

  That was beautiful Balsam....and good advice coming from a loving but hurt mother yourself.
• 

  Crumpet

  ((((balsam)))) - what a terrible time it must be for you! You are not responsible though - he is a grown man presumably.
• 

  SWALKER

  RR-Just remember that you are going to have some sad days... It's especially hard under your circumstances! You do have to blaze your own trail, so to speak, and find your own way in life. It will get better in time, no matter what, as you pursue your own goals and go foward with your life. Stay busy and keep your friends close!!! I'm sorry your mom can't understand what she is doing right now, but she may change later....there's always hope!!!

  Swalker