Attending the Funeral / Memorialof Your JW Parent (page 2)

moanzy

I attended my grama's funeral. It was a nightmare!! I arrived at the farm a couple of days before I was to be reinstated. My husband(non JW) and myself were treated like we were pure filth. No one would talk to me and I was told that "they" were all greiving. Apparently when you are not a witness you just can't possibly be sad when a relative dies. You are devoid of human feelings.

Also if you are da'd or df'd you can go to the funeral, but will not be allowed to go to the lunch prepared for the family because it is ONLY for family that are witnesses and they do not want you to fellowship or contaminate the flock. They do make exception for worldly ones to go, just not df'd or da'd.

When one of my family members dies I won't be going to the funeral. It would be pointless. I would be treated as sub-human and do not wish to do this to myself.

Moanzy

Mary

When my parents pass off this mortal coil, we're not having the funeral at the Hall----we're having it at a funeral home. I don't anticipate anyone shunning me and if they do, I really don't give a damn. Several years ago, when one of my siblings died in a crash, we got a phonecall from the PO the night of the funeral, not to offer his condolences or ask if there was anything he could do for us. Oh no, he had a much higher purpose in calling. He told us that it wasn't "appropriate" that my other sibling (who was never baptized, but was DA'd at a teenager) was "talking to the brothers there, because he was DA'd". I will never forget the hurt look on my brothers face. My oldest sister, who is a loyal Dub, phoned the elder back and absolutely flipped on him and told him what an asshole he was for saying something so pathetic especially on the day we had just buried our brother. I went a step further, got in my car, drove over to his house and screamed my head off at the moron. And for anyone who's ever followed my posts, you can imagine the colorful language I used. At that moment, I didn't care and I never regret what I said to him. Took the idiot several months but he eventually made a half-assed apology to my parents.......

Makena1

Both of my parents have passed away. My mother over 15 years ago, while I was still in the borg, and then my father about 4 years when I was in full fade mode.

Mak

Victorian sky

It is very difficult. I too swore I'd never step foot in a KH again but for my uncle's funeral, I did. I felt I had to support my aunt and cousin, it meant a lot to them that I was there. Now, I'm not df'ed or da'd yet I was still treated coldly by most. As someone else here mentioned, there were those few who were warm regardless of the borg rules. My non JW family made an interesting observation. They noticed that only our JW family members were getting condolences. The 'brothers' hardly said a word to the rest of us. They couldn't believe how cold the 'brothers' were. The talk was nauseating. My husband and I had a signal for whenever the 'brother' would say something full of crap. We'd squeeze each other's hand twice. Needless to say, that happened throughout the so called memorial talk. The entire thing hardly had anything personal about my uncle, his life, hopes or dreams. It was all about 'what he believed as an elder/pioneer as a member of god's spirit annointed organization'. Yeah, they're lead by spirit all right but don't insult God by saying it's his. Death does not stop the witnesses from being their judgmental, cold selves. Their lack of love lives on. But I don't regret going, I went for my family out love and I will go again out of love whether they show it to me or not 'cause that's what Jesus would freakin' do! - V Sky

oldflame

My mom is in her 80's and has shunned me now for quite a while...egged on by my older sister. I will not attend her funeral. I feel as if I don't have a mother anymore anyway. Too much stress for what? Sounds cold...but hey...what goes around comes around.

My sentiments exactly ! I will not be attending my mothers either. With the treatment I have been given by my JW mother ? Nope will never step foot in a kingdom hall again. EVER ! Why would anyone associate with any of those evil people is beyond me.

roybatty

Thanks for the replies. My siblings & mom have "played by the WT's rules" when it has come to my being da'd, unless, of course, they need something. When my non-JW father died a few years ago in a car accident, the service was at a funeral home. My family was devistated. My brother, sister and mom couldn't handle it so I took care of all the arrangements, including going through his destroyed car to recover some personal affects my mother wanted.

Anyway, a couple of hours prior to his service I was at the funeral home with my family when I was shocked to see two elders there whom I had known since childhood. I approached them and asked them why they were here. They said that they were there to offer my family (but not me) their support. Very cold. Didn't even offer their condolenses. During the wake, plenty of my friends and non-JW family attended along with dozens of JWs. Thinking back, I believe only one or two JWs offered sympathies. It really shocked me that people I had grown up with didn't even say "boo" to me. I knew JWs can be cold but WOW that was a new low. And to top things off, when the minister from the church I occasionaly attend started her memorial service, all the JWs (including my JW family) got up and left. Was so weird seeing 30 to 40 people just get up and suddenly leave. My friends and non-family were like "WTF????".

After going through that ordeal, I can't imagine going through it at a Kingdom Hall where less of my friends and family would attended.

Thanks for the replies and advice!

Bumble Bee

My brother was Df'd for the second time when my father died. Our immediate family never shunned my brother (my fathers side of the family did).

The brother that handled the talk was very very good. He asked us to tell him some personal things about our father so he could include them in the talk. My brother wrote an excellet letter about how loving he was, how no matter what he did he never turned his back on him, how unconditional his love was etc. The brother giving the talk actually read the whole letter during the service.

Almost everyone at the hall was very welcoming to my brother. One sister (who was very well known) made it a point to stand beside my brother, almost like saying if I can talk and associate with him so can you! Sadly she has passed on - gawd I miss her!

The only one to really give us a problem was my uncle, my fathers super duper elder brother. He would barely look at my brother, and the only thing he said to him was "you know what you have to do". Nothing about our father (his brother) passing etc. What a prick!!!

We had a lunch at the hall, and my brother stayed and ate. We had some relatives and close friends back to the house afterwards, and ate supper and my brother was there.

I think it depends on 1) how your parents treated you - were they militant in their shunning? and 2) what are the people like at the hall?

You have every right to be there if that's where you want to be! Go and hold your head high! If you really don't want to go - don't and I think Blondie had an excellent suggestion. Hold a service that would mean something to you.

BB

EAGLE-1

I agree with Blondies idea.I will have my own memorial.I have wondered what I will do.Now I know.

La Capra

I won't go to my mom's memorial, if it's a JW memorial service. I could just see it, me in a T-shirt printed with, "Millions Now Living, Will Never Die...My Ass." Then on the back..."What a Bunch of F***ing Liars. All of You."

But, thankfully I wouldn't go, so I could save $39 to have just such a t-shirt made. I'll do other things to memorialize my mother.

Shoshana

Edited to add: Of course I'd be sitting in the front row, flanked by the biggest, buffest bailiffs from the court house, in case their goons tried to escort me out, or worse, cover my shirt with one of their polyester sports coats... See why it's better I just don't go...

Highlander

But, thankfully I wouldn't go, so I could save $39 to have just such a t-shirt made. I'll do other things to memorialize my mother.

Shoshana

If you go, I'll pay for the t-shirt. just promise to let me attend to, I'd love to see the reaction!

Attending the Funeral / Memorialof Your JW Parent

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