It was the last face-slapping insult that I allowed my father to make when he implied that when I left the organization, I was going to descend to drugs, crime, sexually transmitted deseases, et al. Never again will I allow that man to speak that way. He does not carry a parent's respect or authority over me, after that.
I don't smoke. I've pondered the utility of smoking with a view to appetite-suppressant, but, it's cost-prohibitive.
I don't sleep around. There's enough positions, technique, magic and sentiment to persue with one person. Besides that, women take a good long while to even think of understanding (ug). I'll take one and try to deal with that, thanks.
My girlfriend has suggested her approval of pot. I listen to her argument, that it's not as bad as the government says it is. I listen to her persuasion that pot is actually a valuable diversion, but that its legalization would put the tobacco industry at risk, since whereas you can't grow tobacco yourself, and are dependant on the supplier, marijuana is easy to grow. The economic principles she described not only made sense with me, they struck a huge gong in my head regarding the Witnesses' teaching as a psychologic-narcotics addiction. Boy, it feels good to grow your own psychologic joy. But I still haven't tried pot; it's currently illegal.
The only crime that I'm aware of committing is my crime of not bowing to the consumerist machine. Although, I do have no real sense of guilt stealing animal crackers from the jar in the other isle at work. It's a big jar..
As for holidays - it's a real challenge to try to enjoy the season as 'worldly-born' people do. I wish I could have that magic. What I do have is the occasional haunting tingling in the back of the throat that I used to get as a Witness kid, when I would hear Christmas songs at the malls, or when I would stare out the window on our way to the meeting, and see Christmas lights glowing colorfully across the snow. There is a reason that such sights and sounds are haunting, and you do yourself a huge favor to try to recapture a bit of the chilling, spiritual, magical joy at such moments. My girlfriend gave me a most wonderful birthday experience last year, my first true birthday, and I felt more special and necessary to my friends than I had ever felt as a Witness. I've grown more true friends online than I could have counted as a Witness. Forsooth, I never actually, truly was a Witness, because I never completely believed all their teachings. But I was born into it, and got married in it, and smarted up and faced the years-old music that I knew was right. There is no straddling the fence; you will go mad.
At first, I tried to maintain my regular high sense of vocabulary, not at all, by fuck, because I had a moral objection to profanity. No indeed, I always felt that profanity should be reserved unto the day of wrath, when a quiet soul's utterance could Mean something and make heads snap. Back as a Witness, my brothers and their freinds were regular users of profanity, getting hauled to Elders often, but it was never tempting, because it wasn't a challenging enough use of speech. But, by fuck, work has in the last months brought my sanity to the brink, so, I have to swear to stay sane. I hope it returns to normal.
R-rated movies have more genuine acting and fewer childish sentiments. Had enough childish sentiments where I came from. The porn I've tried is categorically boring next to the real thing.
Respectfully,
