Please help, don't want to lose daughter

by katy 30 Replies latest social relationships

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  katy

  Please help,need some advice. My daughter married a JW last april without telling us. I suspect she thought we wouldn't approve. But we've had to accept it and make the best of it. Since then they've moved to colorado, she says due to his schooling and work opportunities. But I think he wanted to be closer to his brothers. When they were dating she said he wasn't a practicing JW, but now she tells me he is going to meetings again and was recently baptized. She's admitted to a couple of meetings but always tells me she is not going to become a JW. She is now pregnant. We recently visited them in colorado and met his brothers and wives, who seem very nice. But since our return I've found that most of my daughter's friends are JWs. We spoke on the phone about it and again she said she wasn't going to be a JW. I'm worried because, although she says this, she is defending some of their practices ( regarding holidays). She was raised Catholic and is the original material girl. She's not a practicing Catholic, but then she's never been one to go to church since she was in high school. I find it ironic that she would even bother to attend any meetings. I actually like my son in law, but I know he had a troubled childhood and I believe he is being manipulated by family to start practicing again. She tells me no one pressures her to do anything, but I don't think she's strong enough to give an opposing opinion about birthdays and holidays. She and he recently came home for christmas like it was normal. Now she'll be coming home in a couple months for a baby shower that I will be giving her. I don't want to be estranged from my daughter in the future, since I won't be seeing her much anyway if she doesn't move back to PA. But I feel I have to voice my opinions and remind her of her childhood memories and how wonderful her birthdays and holidays were. The more I read on this website the more upset I get. I told her the other day that JWs are not Christians but a cult run by a few men who make the rules. She said I was wrong. She also, out of the clear blue doesn't want any stork decorations at the baby shower. Please tell me that's not pagan also. Do I just continue to let her dictate these new requests, do I try to keep reasoning with her or what? I really think she's conflicted with everything and I don't want his family putting her over the edge. Is there any hope? Any one with similar situation? Any opinions would be greatly appreciated.

  Thank you
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  Death to the Pixies

  Unless she starts to act wierd around you, I would not make any deal out of it. That may needlessly put strain on the situation. It sounds like everything will be fine.
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  Check_Your_Premises

  
  Learn about cults!!!

  Your daughter and her husband are under the influence of mind control. That is just a real fancy way of saying that they are in an environment where everybody thinks the same way, and uses the same stupid arguments to control them.

  So what you need to do first is to learn about mind control cults. Here are a few links: http://www.freeminds.org/psych/lifton.htm http://www.rickross.org/mind_control.html

  I would recommend the following books:

  Releasing the Bonds by Steven Hassan

  Combatting Cult Mind Control by Steven Hassan

  If you don't like to read you could order these videos:

  http://www.rickross.org/dvds/dvd.html

  Hope this helps! Take care mom. To answer your question, there is always hope! Many here have left, or have helped others leave. I'll be prayin for you!

  CYP
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  greendawn

  With the JWs if you never were one of them and left they will not shun you though unfortunately as you said they are indeed a cultish organisation with a rather arbitrary, and centralised control.
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  Balsam

  Katy,

  So sorry to hear your daughter is caught up in the JW religion. She sounds like she is already bought into their thinking. JW's are very good at getting people eased in. If she tends to be very trusting she is an easy mark. Since she is not willing to listen to any thing you say about the JW because she pretty deeply involved it would be best to tell her:

  " I love you unconditionally and you know I'm always here for you. I would never turn my back on you because of a religion. I don't agree with your choice of JW's but so long as you are treated kindly I will support you."

  Talking against JW's at this point isn't going to do anything except alienate her further. If you want to help, understand that speaking against their teachings is a sure way of getting her to turn off her listening ability. You are now a non-believer which means you are not one of them. The JW consider everyone who is outside their organization as non-believers. Actually the word non-believer should only mean people who are not Christian. But JW consider anyone who is not a JW as not true Christians even if they are Christian followers of Christ. She will say little about the religion to you because she knows you'll jump in with a negative view point about them. Listen and talk little, encourage her to always use your bright ability to reason and think. The other thing is that wifes must be submissive to their husbands direction. Hopefully she has a kind husband who would never do anything to hurt her. She could be baptized now and have not said.

  I am sure everyone will give you good suggestions. Her husband return to the JW's has presented a problem for her, join him and stay close to him, or oppose and have a difficult marriage. She has chosen to join.
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  BluesBrother

  NB , D to the P is an apologist for JW.
  
  The first thing that a "Bible student" as they call them, learns is that they must expect opposition from family . What often happens is the family freak out and tell them how terrible it is , then the Witnesses can say, "There you are,What did we say? It is a test of your new faith"
  
  My advice is to stick around here , learn all about the real issues so you know more than she does. Then gently reason with her , by mail if necessary, asking her to explain doctrines that are unexplainable.
  
  Beleive us, The WT theology can be very persuasive when you are surrounded by it, particularly with in-laws and new baby and all. After all you want the child to have "everlasting life"!
  
  I say take it gently but be determined to let her see the reality ,not the spin . It IS as important as you fear it might be.
  
  All the best..
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  unclebruce

  Katy - "death to the pixies" has never been a JW and has no idea what he's talking about. He is only posting here to attack the weak and vulnerable - due to a screw loose in his head.

  There is a good book called "Combatting Cult Mind Control" by Steve Hassan and you may find his website helpful too (sorry it's late and I don't have the address).

  best wishes, unclebruce.
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  Death to the Pixies

  Katy - "death to the pixies" has never been a JW and has no idea what he's talking about. He is only posting here to attack the weak and vulnerable - due to a screw loose in his head.

  There is a good book called "Combatting Cult Mind Control" by Steve Hassan and you may find his website helpful too (sorry it's late and I don't have the address).

  best wishes, unclebruce.

  HaHa UNCB... It sounds like things are good now between her and her daughter, why go out of her way to make trouble? Does she want a divorce for her daughter so she can hang storks?
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  anewme

  You are in a tough situation. If you push your daughter too much to defy her husband and his religion you will be seen as an opponant to their marriage.
  Your only opportunity to share insight into the background of the JWs is now, before she gets baptized herself. I know she is telling you she would never, but that may not be true.
  
  What can you do if your daughter becomes a witness???
  I can share with you the experience of my mother in law. She is a devout Catholic. She had 8 children. 7 became witnesses and married in the JW faith. Although a dedicated Catholic herself she supported all her children in their weddings and sicknesses. And when the grandchildren came along although she did not understand or agree with all the restrictions upon them, she still loved her kids and grandkids so much she found ways to have the fun she always wanted with them.
  
  She respected their wishes as to birthdays and holidays, but when grandma came to visit it was a HUGE HOLIDAY of gifts and candy and cookies and fun!!!! She brought games and toys. She had family get togethers always at her house between the holidays and the kids supported her in return by attending these.
  
  Im sure she was dissappointed to not be able to celebrate on the exact date with her kids, but in her high love spirituality she found a way to show her deep love for her family.
  Thats what I wanted to share with you Katy. That you might not be able to stop the momentum of what is happening in your daughters life. But you can find a way to show your support and love and be there when they need you. You will be a beloved grandma and mother in law.
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  Finally-Free

  JWs are well trained in bashing Catholics who don't understand their religion well. That's how they drove their wedge into my family many years ago. If you want to answer JWs from a Catholic perspective http://www.catholicxjw.com/ is a good site for information, and it has a discussion area too.

  Sorry to say it, but if she's already objecting to stork decorations, she's probably well on her way to being brainwashed by the JWs. She needs to research the JWs and their history and beliefs, and she needs to look at critical literature in her research. The Watchtower is a master at sanitizing it's own history.

  W