by RunningMan 26 Replies latest watchtower bible
A Jehovah’s Witness woman was selling Watchtowers from door to door when she called on a large, scary looking man. After she left the door, she was approached by two police officers who said that the man had just killed his wife and the Avon lady. They were just coming to arrest him. When they picked him up, they asked him why he didn't kill the JW woman. He said that he wouldn't touch her because of the two big guys with her. She was alone.
This is JW Urban Legend and predates the witnesses
I heard Fred Franz himself tell this story - swear to Dawkins.
Nothing takes out demon shit?????
Damn!
Another gem from the master.
Thanks RM
Chris
When I was a good JW kid, around the ages of 3 and 5, I was attacked in my sleep by demons almost every night. So was my 5 year old brother who slept in the same room. Now my parents, also good JW's, tried valiantly to protect us from these demon attacks. Every night, when they said our prayers with us, they prayed out loud for Jehovah to protect us from the demons while we slept. They taught us to say Jehovah's name out loud if we were ever attacked by the demons. They gave us each a Bible to sleep with under our pillows. (only the NWT would do, of course) . Strangely, none of these talismen used to work. Every night, my brother and I woke up screaming from nightmares that the demons were attacking us. We would crawl into the same bed and hug each other for comfort. We finally concluded that the house we were living in was haunted and we moved.
Now the really strange twist to the story is, now that I am an apostate, the demons never bother me. Not a peep. Nada! So, I say, screw the Bible under the pillow and saying Jehovah's name out loud! The thing that really works and gets out demon shit is apostate TIDEings! But if they are really entrenched, you may have to presoak your brain on JWD for a few extra days.
Cog
But, for your everyday usage, there is a quick way to ward off household demons, if they come knocking. Based on the belief that the demons are deathly afraid of God and will flee when presented with true holy power, all you have to do is say his name – Jehovah. If you’re not in a position to say it out loud (such as a demon attack at the library or in a business meeting), you can get away with just thinking it forcefully.
BWAHAHAHAHA *snort* HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!... RunningMan's chapters have me cracking up and snorting with laughter everytime... I just love its ironic tone... I don't know how I missed this chapter back in March... Keep up the good work RM.
Good stuff R/M , when the Band The Jesus and Mary Chain were playing in London they also asked if there were Dubs in the audience and asked them to leave
