*Barf-Bag Warning*
Some of you might remember my situation....I have DAed myself a while ago, and my father is the only JW in the family. Since I am very close to him and the family, he has read everything related to shunning, he even asked elders and even them are not sure. So he wrote a big long letter to Bethel to have an answer. Surprisingly, they wrote back (two months later)
(Sorry for the translation...) I'm just gonna write parts of it because it's long and boring.
Dear brother ******,
You informed us that your daughter has DAed herself of the christian congregation. Like you said, your desire is to "be sincerely faithful in every way to Jehovah and his organization" You also want to be certain to understand things the same way the faithful and discret slave does, because you have an immense confidence in them. We congratulate you for your excellent attitude.
You asked if the expression "does not live under the same roof" means something other then "not part of close family circle". Or is it only synonymous?
The two expressions are not synonymous. A person that is part of close family circle does not have to live under the family roof. We have to ask ourself, who is "close family circle"
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When someone as close and dear as a daughter DAes herself, it is truly traumatizing to a father, and the hurt in your heart is certainly understandable. Naturally, you desire with all your heart that your daughter comes back to her relations with Jehovah. As you know, the christian congregation is merciful, as is Jehovah. But if sinners don't want to repent, the faithful christians are obligated to recognize them as they have become to Jehovah's eyes.
The Bible does not make any exception when it declares that a chritian should "cease to associate with someone who is called brother and who is a fornicator, greedy, idole-worshipping, insulting, drunkard, or thief (**Yeah, I'm all of those alright!***) one shouldn't even eat with such a person."
To some, it might seem unloving or even cruel to not even salute a close one, but true christians know by experience that to act according to God's word will bring good results, while wining God's benediction. It can be dangerous to let ourselves being led by our emotions. (****)
By respection the excommunication decret, faithful ones are protected in the case where the excommunicated person might try to persuade other people to follow her wrong way. We also hope that this draconian action will bring them back to reason. The fact that they can not associate with members of her christian family, nor her old spiritual brothers and sisters () should bring the sinner to seek that loving, warm camaraderie. But if they have the impression that nothing has changed, it will not help him. In fact, it could keep them from making the necessary steps to getting reintegrated.
We understand that this is difficult. The human tendancy is to continue to associate with our family members. But as we said before, experience shows that it is highly preferable to do things as Jehovah wants them. Even if that doesn't seem like this to humans, the best way to show that we really love an excommunicated parent living outside the family roof is to respect faithfully the Bible's rules about how to act with excommunicated. When parents act this way, and they explain clearly at the start, why they conform to Bible principle and stop every association, assuring the excommunicated children that they will impatiently wait for his reintegration, results are often excellent. In the past, some people have not acted that way, and it usually didn't encourage the person to come back. It has even been spiritualy detrimental to most of them. It can even reinforced the tendancy to tale their sin lightly, and have an even more rebellious attitude.
We hope that the previous information will help you to see your question in the light of the holy scriptures. We pray that Jehovah helps and supports you, when you chose to hold on to obtain benediction in spite of the pain in your heart, brought by the fact that your dauhter doesn't currently enjoy Jehovah's favor. Remember, brother ******
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Your brothers*****
This is really barf-worthy, what bothers me even more is to realise how much faith my own father puts in them. And also the fact that they sincerely think that shunning brings back people to their cult! The strange thing is, my dad is still confused.......he is still pretty sure that he can talk to me...opinions?