Elders meeting tonight?????? Need advice???

by MrMoe 14 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  MrMoe

  Well - my father (he's an elder) asked me if he could watch my daughter Saturday night and I could pick her up Sunday at the meeting or he would drop her off at my house. Well, they have offered to watch her overnight plenty of times, but he has NEVER offered to drop her off at my house on a Sunday!

  The clincher - He said he would normally watch her tonight since it's a Friday, but he has an elders meeting. (please see my previous post on when I told my parents my beliefs - sorry, I can't find it.) When are the usual monthly elders meetings? Should I be worried? Should I go to meeting Sunday (not that I want to) or should I stay away? I am trying to figure if this meeting is for me or for a regular meeting. The elders are hard to avoid if one of them is your dad.

  Does the WT Gestapo read this site? Well, I am sure they do, which if this elders meeting has anything to do with this site they are super duper fast.

  Awaiting your response and advice - getting a little nervous (and not because of not wanting to be a JW, but because I love my family very very much and I will miss them a lot.)
• 

  joelbear

  My advice as always is to do anything to keep from being DFed or DAed.

  These are Watchtower made up psychological torture tools. Don't play into their game.

  Keep as close to your family as they will allow.

  hugs

  Joel

  PS. My father is an elder too.
• 

  ozziepost

  G'day Moe,

  Perhaps you can relax. Elders meetings are held according to local circumastances. The Society instructs that there are 4 per year, 2 of those with the circuit overseer. So it is possible that the local elders arrange for just 2 per year. Like I said, it's possible. I've been in a congregation (a very large one) where that was the case over many years.

  If the elders need to convene a judicial committee the elders are instructed that the PO is to meet briefly after the congregation meeting with those elders who are there at the meeting to arrange for who is to comprise the committee. So this is not a full-blown elders meeting.

  So I don't know about this monthly elders meeting that you speak of. In my experience elders meetings are called as a substitute for action.

  Cheers,
  Ozzie

  "Evil is the absence of empathy"
  Movie (2000), Nuremberg
• 

  MrMoe 2

  CO visit was just a while ago and assembly as well - so I doubt that's it. I also just now god a voicemail from a sister who wants to study with me when she gets back from vacation (which I would like to know, what the heck would a study teach me? I alreayd know all the beliefs.) Arrgggggghhhhh. Thank u Ozzie and Joel, but I am still nervous.
• 

  ozziepost

  Moe,

  I guess the sister's offer to study with you is a 'good' sign in that she would have been encouraged to do that by the elders/book study conductor. Seems they feel you can be brought back into the loving congregation. [8>]

  Signs are looking good!

  Cheers,
  Ozzie

  "Evil is the absence of empathy"
  Movie (2000), Nuremberg
• 

  MegaDude

  The elders usually leave people alone unless they are high profile in some way.

  I'm afraid you have a higher profile than most, being that your dad is an elder, you post frequently here and have shared many details of yourself, and you have your picture posted. (I'm assuming that's your real pic.) Even loyal JWs occasionally dally in internet surfing to look at ex-JW sites. If you truly want to avoid being disfellowshipped, it's good to keep a low profile and not have an identity that would be easily recongizable by someone in your former congregation. That's not being a coward. It's just practical if you really wish to avoid being DF'd. That is unless you're willing and ready and able to lose your relationship with every JW family member you have. Of course, not all JWs react the same to a family member who has left. The question is, is this the right action for you to take? What the benefits? What are the liabilities? Only you can answer that.

  I disassociated under pressure, and wish now I had not done so. I would be in a better position to covertly help my relatives still in.
  Now, because of my official status as DA'd, that opportunity is extremely difficult because we rarely see each other. If I hadn't been so emotionally tangled at the time of my elder meeting, I would have seen clearly what my strategy should have been.

  On a personal level it felt good to burn that Watchtower bridge and put it behind me and I found that empowering. But in retrospect it put me in a weaker position to reach family members still in. I still love and miss my JW family members, and my friends who are still in. I was very fortunate to be able to talk to my two sisters before I was labeled, and today they are out and free. My advice, Think long term.

  As to the issue of whether the meeting is for you or not, relax. If it is, you'll know soon enough. If it is for you, consult this group on how to handle the elders and what to say to avoid being DF'd. (if that is your wish.) But if you have to know if the meeting is about you, why not ask your dad? He is your dad.

  Your anguish over whether the meeting is for you indicates to me that you wish to avoid being labeled by the Society. I recommend that you do so. Lie, say what you have to, but avoid being labeled. It is not a DF'g offense to have doubts, to say you are troubled by doubts.
  But stick to that attitude when you deal with JW elders who care nothing about what is true or not, but only upholding Watchtower dogma and rules. You are on the road to being DF'd when you assert yourself as certain the Watchtower is wrong on issues to the elders. What is the point of that? Do you believe the elders will listen to anything you have to say and carefully consider it? Some people feel for the sake of their mental, emotional and spiritual health that it is good to become assertive with JWs and the elders and say where they stand. I'm sure they are right... for themselves. But if you love your family, and they are JWs, and you really want to help them out of the organizaiton, you would be better served to avoid being labeled. I call this "Theocratic Anti-Cult Strategy." By being able to maintain relationships with friends and relatives, opportunities will present themselves for you to "witness" to them about your doubts. You may in turn plant a vital seed that will later help your loved ones leave the WT as you have done.

  On the other hand, some feel friends and family aren't worth having if they will go along with Watchtower shunning enforcement and shun you. They feel if those people can't accept me, then I don't want them in my life. That can be healthy and good also.

  If you take your time, consider everything, and make a decision based on all the long-term results you will get from your decision, I am postive you'll make the best decision for you.
• 

  Room 215

  MrMoe,
  If it comes about that for whatever reason you meet with the elders, why not turn one of the favorite WT rules of ``Theocratic War Strategy'' on them? You know, the one that ``we're not obliged to share the truth with those who aren't entitled to it.''
  Play smart.
• 

  ladonna

  MrMoe,

  ((((((Hugs)))))) These elders meetings are terrifying aren't they? I never forgot sitting in front of five of those crazed idiots......except one to be fair, who was in fact a kind man.

  If I was in your position with the knowledge that I have now, I would invent an excuse not to have your daughter stay over for the weekend.
  That way, you do not have to be anywhere to pick her up.......
  Just what I would do MrMoe.

  Love,
  Ana
  p.s..my email is open if you want to chat anytime
• 

  nelly136

  could always ask him to drop her off on the way to the meeting cos you have to go out
  nelly
• 

  Amazing

  HI Moe: Elders meeting are at least once a month, commonly Sunday after the meeting or before, depending on the regular meeting schedule. These meetings are usually about general congregation business and activity, such as, upcoming CO visit, assemblies, building funds and planned activity, etc. Sometimes this time will be used to make JC assignments, but not always.

  When we had JC actions, we usually made the assignments by phone as early as possible, and then the JC would meet whenever it was convenient to discuss the matter.

  I would not be too concerned about Internet posting unless you give too many specifics. Detailed information may be read by a WTS troll and passed along to figure out who you may be. But, the USA is a big place with lots of congregations, so it would take a lot of details. The Elders normally don't troll the ex-JW forums, so the likihood is not great, but possible that they might figure you out. If you are vague and discreet in your comments, it is nearly impossible to figure you out.

  If I were still in the organization, and had concerns over losing fellowship with family, I would be very discreet. In addition, were I asked about ex-JW material (apostate) I would be so vague and non-committal that they would never figure me out. Here is an example of a common question:

  "Do you, or do you not accept that this is Jehovah's Organization?"

  This type of question is hard to sidestep using a 'Bill Clinton' style, but it can be done. Here are some possible ways to respond:

  1. To the extent that Jehovah uses this Organization, it must be his.
  2. I can think of no other organization that could be called Jehovah's Organization.

  My favorite, and it is a clincher to keep you off the hook:

  3. Of course this is Jehovah's Organization, for no other Organization claims to be his exclusive channel of truth.

  Am I playing with words? You bet! But, this is an issue where you have to decide how you feel you can best answer IF you are asked such things.

  Sometimes, answering a question with a question can be effective, if done wisely. here is one example:

  "Do you accept the organization's teaching that Jesus returned invisibly in 1914?"

  1. Of couse Jesus returned, and has been so invisibly, why would you think otherwise?
  2. Why are you asking me such a question, do you have doubts? Are you becoming apostate? Maybe I need to mreport you to the CO?
  3. I have no doubts whatsoever about the meaning of the year 1914, and I am content to wait on the Organization for further progressive insight.

  If you parse and analyze these suggested responses, they sound confirmatory, but really say little, and can be taken different ways.

  I was confronted directly about 'this' being Jehovah's Organization by the CO during the time that I was leaving and not going to meetings. I just acted insulted that the CO would even consider such a question, and he backed off.

  I hope these suggestions are useful to you, but if you feel that they are not in conformance with your sense of honesty, then don't use them, and just hope that you never have to face the Elders on these issues. - Amazing