Take Back Your Life - Chapter 1

by Lady Lee 22 Replies latest members private

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  Lady Lee

  bttt for those who haven't seen it yet
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  wednesday

  I remember the day I"awoke" to find I had no emotions of my own. I only had statements of belief, all based on "the wts says" or elder so and so says" etc. It was frightening to realize that I had no idea how I felt about anything. I just knew the party line.

  weds
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  jgnat

  The abuse I escaped from was from a single human being, my ex-husband. I could so relate to this:

  I remember the day I"awoke" to find I had no emotions of my own. I only had statements of belief, all based on "the wts says" or elder so and so says" etc. It was frightening to realize that I had no idea how I felt about anything.

  Twenty-five years ago I had a revelation of my own soul, where I was just a series of masks, public faces, and my core, me, was just gone. A black hole. I couldn't feel. I needed permission to feel. It took two years for my feelings to normalize, and even longer for me to admit I got angry. I still celebrate sadness when sad things happen, laughter when good things happen, and anger when appropriate.

  Now, no masks. I am the same everywhere. It takes a lot less energy just to be me.
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  Lady Lee

  wed and jg

  That's what I like about this book. It often connects tha abuse in a relationship with one other person and the type of abuse in a larger group. The dynamics are the same.

  I had been working with abuse survivors before the penny droped and I realized it was the same abuse - just on a grander scale

  Guess I should start working on chapter 2
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  Sentient

  Yes!!! I've been away for a while but this is excellent the way you all are discussing this book, sometimes I lapse into doubting my own understanding but I know you are right Lady Lee. In my earlier posts that's the key thing I keep trying to highlight that I think every current or former Witness needs to understand. Beginning to grasp the same concepts contained in this book facilitated the most rapid period of healing and growth for me personally. It goes so much deeper than just doctrines or meetings or being different or any of those things. It's about the model of relationship we all learned, independent of specific doctrines (in other words the key thing is that the same dynamic exists in any controlling situation). We learned to equate love with extreme dependence and control, and this spilled over into every other close relationship we had or attempted to have. If a current Witness comes here and lurks and begins to understand it, the doctrines won't matter as much anymore.
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  Lady Lee

  It's about the model of relationship we all learned, independent of specific doctrines (in other words the key thing is that the same dynamic exists in any controlling situation).

  Exactly.

  Real love does not control. But the lessons we learned from mother WTS teaches us that control, manipulation, lies and half-truths is the way love is expressed. it took me years to figure this all out.

  You can find the links to other parts of the series at Captive Hearts, Captive Minds/Take Back Your Life.
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  Sasha

  sorry, don't want to offend. I'm 56. Learned about the "truth" when I was 18. Did study for 2 years in early 20's. Always got the magazines. Did not follow the lifestyle of JW and have never been baptised. Now I have been studing for 2 years, and am getting the pressure to be baptised, also scolded for looking at the "Apostasy" websites. I really have ONE question. What is the ratio of "annointed at Bethel to the Governing body. All? some? I am phyically ill with various nervous deseases and probably mentally ill due to an abused childhood. Don't know where to turn, want to do the right thing. Getting sicker...hate to break the heart of the 86 yr. old woman who put so much time into me. HELP Love God, know the bible soooo well, feel guilty, but I'll snap if I stay.
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  serendipity

  
  HI Sasha & welcome!

  I've not read anywhere the answer to your question "What is the ratio of annointed at Bethel to the Governing body?". What I have read is that the names of the remnant of the anointed are not noted and they are not consulted on doctrinal matters. The term Faithful & Discreet slave, is supposed to refer to all anointed, but in reality means just the governing body. The GB alone make decisions.

  If you're looking at "apostate" websites, you probably have doubts about the JWs. You are kind to consider the older sister's feelings, but if you have doubts, you should not get baptized. JWs demonize the internet because it's a tool that can dispense the truth about the JW organization. There are a lot of good people in the org, but the leaders and the policies do not reflect the love that Christ indicated would identify his disciples.

  Have you read Crisis of Conscience? A former Governing Body member wrote that book. You can read excerpts here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raymond_Franz

  Scroll down to "Bibliography".

  Hope this helps.
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  tall penguin

  Welcome Sasha. I actually started a separate thread for you so your post wouldn't get lost in the shuffle. It's at:
  
  http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/9/118714/1.ashx
  
  (Sorry I don't know how to make the link live. Just cut and paste it.)
  
  tall penguin
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  Lady Lee

  tp

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/9/118714/1.ashx

  there you go

  sasha

  sorry, don't want to offend.

  asking honest questions is never an offence

  I'm 56. Learned about the "truth" when I was 18 Did study for 2 years in early 20's.Always got the magazines. Did not follow the lifestyle of JW and have never been baptised.

  I'm suspect there was something that made you take a different direction than joining the JWs.

  Now I have been studing for 2 years, and am getting the pressure to be baptised, also scolded for looking at the "Apostasy" websites.

  In any kind of heavy sales pitch the suggestion is always - if they are pushing too hard to make the sale then you should walk away. The WTS has warned JWs to stay off the internet. They say that the only indformation you will get from apostates is lies. But if they really do have the "truth from Jehovah" then there should be nothing to fear. The Word of God should win ever time. The problem however is that the WTS teaches only the parts of the Bible that supports their beliefs and sadly they convenientlyomit the rest. (ever notice how they use the same scriptures repeatedly and rarely in context?)

  I really have ONE question. What is the ratio of "annointed at Bethel to the Governing body All? some?

  As mentioned above those on the GB are supposed to be all anointed but I believe in the last few years there are non-anointed now. Since they don't publish a list it might be interesting to ask those on the board who have worked at Bethel in the past what they thought the ratio was/is.

  I am phyically ill with various nervous deseases and probably mentally ill due to an abused childhood. Don't know where to turn, want to do the right thing. Getting sicker...

  It has been noted here that many of us who left have a myriad of illnesses while we were JWs. MNy of those problems surprisingly disappeared - not all but some. The WTS forces a stressful life on its member. There is always a demand to do more and constant reminders that you are not doing enough and aren't good enough. It takes its toll on people. From the sound of it you don't need more stress in your life. This book Take Back Your Life makes a very strong parallel between abusive families and abusive religions. I highly recommend you get a copy. The new book came out in the spring and you should be able to get it at your bookstore.

  hate to break the heart of the 86 yr. old woman who put so much time into me.

  This is not a good reason to step forward and get baptized.. I expect she is quite devoted and beleives she is helping you. Most JWs do and are honest-hearted people. But believing a lie doesn't make the lie true.

  HELP Love God, know the bible soooo well, feel guilty, but I'll snap if I stay.

  This Sasha is the sentence you need to listen too very very carefully. It sounds like your heart and your body are telling you something very important. When we don't listen to those warnings we often discover later that we made a mistake. Since you had an abusive childhood, as I did, I expect your body is well-tuned to things that aren't right. It took me many years to discover I had to stop and listen. Let the JW know you have been sick and need a break. And just leave it at that.