I need help! I'm losing my wife!

by indireneed 26 Replies latest jw friends

  • indireneed
    indireneed

    I need help! My wife is becoming a Witness and I've found very little that I can do to stop her! I've tried to show her that the WT does not quote correctly, I've talked to her about past beliefs and I've tried to reason with her about the Bible. But she won't listen!

    She's gone for a week and I'm writing up a 'thesis' on what a false prophet is. I am hoping she will listen for a change. I am definitely planning on making a stand, though.

    Do y'all have any advice? I could really use it! I don't want to lose my wife!

  • drahcir yarrum
    drahcir yarrum

    indireneed:

    You must do whatever you can to free your wife from this most dangerous snare, known as the Watchtower Society. Bearing in mind that she is an adult who can and will make her own decisions about her religion. Do you have children? Is your marriage otherwise good? These are important pieces of information that you didn't share. But they will have an impact on how you must proceed.

    I've known quite a few non-Witness men who have had successful marriages to Witness women. If she decides to become a Witness and you think you can deal with it, you will need to be open to making adjustments in your marriage.

    If holidays and birthdays mean anything to you, you had better be prepared to kiss those celebrations good bye. If being together evenings and weekends is important to you, then be prepared to spend less time with her. She has 5 mandatory meetings a week to attend and she will be expected to spend a significant amount of weekend time going from door to door doing conversion work. If you have certain intimacies in your marriage that are against the policies of the Watchtower Society, be prepared to forego them.

    Thankfully I'm not faced with your problem, but if I were, knowing what I know, I'd fight like hell to prevent my wife from affiliating herself with this cult known as Jehovah's Witnesses.

  • JeffT
    JeffT

    I would like very much to help you. I became a witness in 1973, the year I graduated from college. My wife and I left on our own initiative in 1989. We wrote a long letter to the Society outling why we could no longer be witnesses. If you'd like a copy e-mail me at [email protected]

    I will be happy to send you a copy.

  • Francois
    Francois

    You may get some valuable resources at this site:

    .. http://www.intrex.net/tallyman/the_list.html

    It may be helpful for you to realize that people don't join cults as part of a rational process, so using logic and reason don't usually produce the end you seek. People join cults for emotional and psyhological motivations thay many don't themselves understand. If you can get a handle on these motivations yourself, you may have a strong leg up. I have recommended a number of times the following book that deals with cults of all kinds and why people join and why they may leave. This book is "The True Believer" by Eric Hoffer and I have used it many many times successfully. I would rank it as one of the top three books I've ever read in terms of its immediate value and usefullness in my life. Hope it works for you.

    Frank

  • Kathy
    Kathy

    Very recently, my boyfriend's married sister was about to convert, against the wishes of her husband and her entire family. My boyfriend and I immediately jumped on it, did our research, printed threads from this board, personal stories of x-JW's found on other sites, and basically bombarded her with information. I ordered Crisis of Conscience from Amazon and gave it to her.

    Initially, she was very resentful. We rained on her parade. She brought the binder full of information we gave her to her cousin (the one who almost converted her) and he had very nice, calm answers to all of it. She bought it all from him. We didn't stop. My boyfriend (her brother) called her every day to say, "Well, how's it going? Whad'ja learn TODAY?" He'd listen, and then he'd sometimes try the humiliation trick.... for example, he asked her, "Say, would you mind coming over to fix my deck? Because since I'm going to be dead at Armaggedon, and YOU are going to survive, live in paradise or whatever, why should I fix my deck just for YOU and your jehovie friends to enjoy it? You know, you guys have to clean up after Armageddon and re-build the world. I guess you have to dispose of our bodies, too.... but only after the worms and bugs eat our eyes out. While we're at it, would you mind mowing my lawn? Because the jehovies in the neighborhood would appreciate it."

    My boyfriend also discussed doctrine with her, and some bible stuff, but we found out quickly how crafty the JW's are at "bible hop-scotching" (a phrase I picked up from this board!) It's true. So we concentrated on the ridiculous policies of the Watchtower Society, its history and their false prophesies. Yes, they say "They've made mistakes... does that mean they're all bad?" We said, "No, it means they're not the voice of God, as they profess to be."

    A couple of weeks ago, the sister told us she was having doubts, and said that if it were not for the information we provided to her, she would have converted. Of course, we felt triumphant! It's been a little while now, but today we noticed her car at the cousin's house. Hmmmm, maybe we need to give her a call. Bottom line, don't give up! Incidentally, we were raised in basic protestant churches, and we believe in God. Our God is a loving god, not one who condones breaking up families, shunning, judging, etc. We believe the JW's are admirable in their desire to live a "godly life." But we think that means something way different than what the Watchtower Society promotes, and something way different than what ultimately happens to the individual witness. I very rarely say "I'm right" about anything! But I KNOW I'm RIGHT about THIS! Like I said, don't give up.

  • indireneed
    indireneed

    If I had known then what I know now . . . unfortunately, our married life has already changed immensely. We cannot take vacations, she won't enter churches, she has never spent Christmas or a birthday with me . . . We constantly talk about how terrible the world is and she rants about how she hates people who do the things she did nine months ago.

    I should have taken action before, but I didn't understand the complete problem. Now that I understand things better, I need to break into her thoughts. I need to spread doubt. What were the turning points for you? What is indisputable?

  • drahcir yarrum
    drahcir yarrum

    Bravo Kathy, excellent advice!

  • indireneed
    indireneed

    Do you feel that direct confrontation is the wisest choice? I can print out resources and I can put doubts in her mind. I know a million now!
    My only question is whether it is best to do a full frontal attack or only try to sway her. Well, I've tried to sway her for months, so I'm working on a full frontal attack.
    I'm afraid this will be a turning point of our one year old marriage. I guess if I'm going to be destroyed in a few short months anyway, it won't matter.
    Thanks for all your help!

  • Esmeralda
    Esmeralda

    I recommend arming yourself with as much info from these sites as you can remember or get her to look at:

    www.freeminds.org
    www.silentlambs.org
    www.ajwrb.org

    Also follow the advise of the others here. Print out posts, Get her Crisis of Conscience, and have her look at this site if you can to see the carnage that the WT has left in its wake.

    I wish you all the best of luck...

    *hugs*
    Esmeralda
    www.wtsurvivors.homestead.com

  • mommy
    mommy

    I can see why she may want to be a JW. They have an appealing lifestyle to some, clean cut, honest, hard working and god fearing. Of course this is all on the outside, and it will not be until she is dunked before she realizes that she has been duped, and by then it will be too late.

    I was raised a JW, and was trained to lead a double life. The one we showed the people at the hall and the one we had behind our walls. She will see perhaps to late that it is a very well rehearsed hoax that many of us here can attest too. Did you ever see the Truman show?

    Yesterday I was speaking to my sister who has been inactive(not attending meetings) for about 3 months now. She still thinks that it is the only true religion, she just feels that she does not deserve to be in it. There is so much guilt and feelings of unworthiness fed into their minds for years, they assume this is normal. Only the stong get away. Some call it selfish, I call it bravery. I think it is easier to go along with the rest of the crowd, as many do when they stay in. Then to walk away and face life without backing and rely on yourself.

    Wow! I went on a tangent didn't I? hehe Anywho...I hope the best for you, please check out . http://www.Freeminds.org and . http://watchtower.observer.org/
    wendy

    In a controversy the instant we feel anger, we have already ceased striving for the truth, and have begun striving for ourselves.

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