Part 6:
I am sure anyone still reading will be pleased to know this is the final part. :)
Last month when I was talking to my brother I jokingly asked him 'If I got disfellowshipped would you still talk to me?' Really, my question was serious but I put it over as a joke to not worry him. His reply was a curt and instant 'No' to say I was hurt would be an understatement. I think all anyone ever wants out of life is to be loved and accepted, warts and all, most people in the world find this in their families, I think the greatest sin of the Watchtower is that they take even that away from us, and the greatest pain I think in leaving the Watchtower Society comes not in finding out the TTATT but in losing your acceptance. Yet, like everything else in Watchtower World, that acceptance is also dishonest, a sham, because it's conditional on your behaviour and ability to appear spiritual.
But just as you see rare moments of honesty in JW world, you can always cling to the possibility that deep inside there is a love that can overpower the Watchtower way and I have thankfully seen bits of that in my family. A few years ago when I was still fully in, my sister got in some trouble that looked like resulting in a judicial committee and probably a disfellowshipping. I did not want to lose my sister from my life so I worked to convince my father to cover this up by arguing any other elder would do the same. He was not in favour at first but then came around and my sister got away with it. Obviously he did not want to lose his daughter either. Of course this may have been different if she had been disfellowshipped, and sadly there is no greater sin in Watchtower World than becoming a non-believer. For my part I had promised my sister I would talk to her even if she was disfellowshipped. She stayed a JW so I hope she remembers this and I am rewarded for it!
We all need a kind of hope to get us through the day, I think we should never give up on that. No matter what my family's reaction to me will be when I come out of the Watchtower closet, they have mostly been good to me in life, and I will always be willing to forgive them and take them back into my life even if they have shunned me.
It's been a hard journey in many ways, and continues to be so, but I have no regrets and would not change it for anything. It is an exciting thing to try to explore the world as it really is, and I hope we can all find a much more honest place in our exit, even if we do take different directions. We may not all believe in Jesus, but I think we can all agree with his words at John 8:32 "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free"
:)