Posts by confusedandalone

53

Jamaican Branch Office Closing

by jw07 in

i'm from jamaica, montego bay to be exact.

if there are other jamaicans here, feel free to let me know.. with that said, it was announced at our last meeting (a letter was read) that the branch office (bethel) in kingston would be closing, and affairs would soon be directed from us hq.

now the branch office here is a large compound built on acres of prime real estate.

confusedandalone

jw07 you have a PM

23

I AM CONFUSED WITH THE JAN STUDY EDITION?? Help me

by Sittingstraight1212 in

2 jehovah will use the kingdom to unify his family in heav- en and on earth.

that divine purpose will be realized.

(isa.

confusedandalone

" Jesus is king for 1000 years, but y'all know Jehovah is really the King." LOL

13

My first set of Christmas Decor with pictures

by confusedandalone in

although we are not close to done yet i wanted to put up some pics of what we are doing over at the caa home.

it is lots of fun putting this stufff up and the kids love it.

the wife is in heaven because she always loved christmas time because as a kid it was something she totally enjoyed.

confusedandalone

" you do know ASD is hereditory don't you.... Touch of OCD, perhaps?????"

ROFL... I would not doubt it. After I took the picture I debated posting it because of the mess. I do wonder if I have been left undiagnosed!

" LOL!!! Are you sure they still need your signature under the DA letter? ;)"

They can come and get all the ammo they need. Let them do what they must now LOL

13

My first set of Christmas Decor with pictures

by confusedandalone in

although we are not close to done yet i wanted to put up some pics of what we are doing over at the caa home.

it is lots of fun putting this stufff up and the kids love it.

the wife is in heaven because she always loved christmas time because as a kid it was something she totally enjoyed.

confusedandalone

Although we are not close to done yet I wanted to put up some pics of what we are doing over at the CAA home. It is lots of fun putting this stufff up and the kids love it. The wife is in heaven because she always loved Christmas time because as a kid it was something she totally enjoyed. Although I hate the constant sound Kenny Rogers christmas CD in the sitting room I love the rest. Please share yours if you have any.

P.S. - Excuse the messy kitchen scene

19

Interview with an apostate: Confused and Alone

by confusedandalone in

tell us a little about yourself and your family.. i am 36 years old and married with 2 children under the age of ten.

i am waiting for my letter of da situation to be completed.

my wife is also done with the watchtower organization and plans to make things official on the 3 rd of january.. are your parents / family jws?.

confusedandalone

3rdgen - I appreciate such kind words :)

If I can make one person smile with all the ranting I do on here I actually feel good LOL!

As a matter of fact, I am going to post up some of my Christmas decorations later so that we can all get into the warm spirit of thje Holidays

19

Interview with an apostate: Confused and Alone

by confusedandalone in

tell us a little about yourself and your family.. i am 36 years old and married with 2 children under the age of ten.

i am waiting for my letter of da situation to be completed.

my wife is also done with the watchtower organization and plans to make things official on the 3 rd of january.. are your parents / family jws?.

confusedandalone

" Shredding GB books - a destruction of history - " This was by far one of the creepier commands I recieved while there. Also when we had to lug a cabinet that contained records about missionarioes in lands taht were ubnderban. We were taking it 5 floors down but they made us shrink wrap it and we were escorted by 4 brothers in the service department... it wasnt that serious.

"I am glad your wife is with you. Sorry to hear about some other family giving you trouble." I can honestly say that since she is with me, this whole situation is far easier to handle and has drawn us so much closer. It really is GREAT TO HAVE you other half with you.

" . I don't think I have enough "meat" or exciting enough information to fill an application out it but it was nice reading yours. " - I feel the same way about my rambling story /past. The funny part is since you lived the story it never seems very interesting. Trust me your story would be greatly appreciated by many here

" Honestly, I am still really curious about how your new employee is taking all of this!" As much as I am allowed to say here: "She is fine with it and has no desire to depart. She is actually very good friends with me and my wife. I will leave the rest to her LOL

" Not sure I want to know more about your friendship with cows!" - The cow friendship is linked to me running out of gas and tking a long walk and coming to a huge realization. The staring cows became my buddies on the long tear of joy and pain filled walk.

19

Interview with an apostate: Confused and Alone

by confusedandalone in

tell us a little about yourself and your family.. i am 36 years old and married with 2 children under the age of ten.

i am waiting for my letter of da situation to be completed.

my wife is also done with the watchtower organization and plans to make things official on the 3 rd of january.. are your parents / family jws?.

confusedandalone

" 4th generation is a long history. Well done for not making it 5."

Unfortunately my idiot brother carries the torch :(

" Thanks CAA, your work is great as usual. You are an inspiration."

Julia I really do appreciate that. I hope my anger that makes me seem like a babbling madman does not all go to waste.

" but one reason why its hard for me to give elders any breaks in the Borg is that, deep down, they know and see the rot. "

I can truly understand that. I recieved cousnsel from the body multiple times because I purposely threw aside the "laws" ofd the shepherding the flock book in favor of plain kindness. Then there were times that I pursued people and exacted payment for their sins as if I was actually in a place to do it. I was a flaming hypocrite at times and thought I could counter-balance it by aoccasionally being kind.

One thing I can admit to however is that there were 3 known pedophiles in my congo and I made sure every single person I spoke to in the hall knew about them because there was nno way I would have that on my hands. That was one of the many things I could never wrap my head around and could never justify hiding. Florida... the home of pedophilia it seems

19

Interview with an apostate: Confused and Alone

by confusedandalone in

tell us a little about yourself and your family.. i am 36 years old and married with 2 children under the age of ten.

i am waiting for my letter of da situation to be completed.

my wife is also done with the watchtower organization and plans to make things official on the 3 rd of january.. are your parents / family jws?.

confusedandalone

" but we forget about the loss of their being spent on the WTS."

Exactly. My wife sometimes wonders why I do not get more upset with the way my mother is acting and treating me, but when a person has literally spent 2/3 of thier life dedicated to something they perceive as being true you kind of understand why they may have reacted the way that they did. It struggle with this part daily. I can't forgive her for something s she has done, buit I can "understand" what she is doing now to a degree.

19

Interview with an apostate: Confused and Alone

by confusedandalone in

tell us a little about yourself and your family.. i am 36 years old and married with 2 children under the age of ten.

i am waiting for my letter of da situation to be completed.

my wife is also done with the watchtower organization and plans to make things official on the 3 rd of january.. are your parents / family jws?.

confusedandalone

Tell us a little about yourself and your family.

I am 36 years old and married with 2 children under the age of ten. I am waiting for my letter of DA situation to be completed. My wife is also done with the Watchtower organization and plans to make things official on the 3 rd of January.

Are your parents / family Jws?

My mother and father are both active JW's. My father has ben an off and on elder since the 1960's and is currently in his mid-seventies. He is not very healthy at the moment. My mother is a full-time pioneer with 30+ years as a pioneer, she is in her mid-sixties and suffers from all types of ailments. My brother is a former bethelite/special pioneer/missonary and currently serves as the COBE of his congregation. I have a sister who was baptized 1 year ago and is not very focused on the Watchtower's guidelines.

How many generations have been Jws?

I was a fourth generation born-in. My great-grandmother was the first member of my family to “get the truth”, however after a few years of baptism the special pioneer sister who aided her into the truth became an “apostate” and showed my great-grandmother that the Watchtower was not what she thought it was and she left.

Did you hold any position in the WTS? (MS, Elder etc...)

I served as an elder up until my stepping aside about 8 months or so ago. I also served as a pioneer and a bethelite in the 90's to early 2000.

Did you *really* believe in the bible, in spirits (angels, demons)?

I always thought that god was quite mean as a child but felt that we could not understand why he would, especially being that his thoughts were higher than ours. I always thought the stories of Samson and the miracles were far-fetched but I rationalized them in my mind. I definitely believed in demons and as a child once thought I was attacked by the demons when I brought home a picture a Laosian(sp) friend of mine drew me of Bruce Lee. I was sleep and woke up and could not move but my eyes were opened... Of course this is easily explained now but that experience left me in fear of everything concerning demons.

Did you get baptised? When and why?

I was baptized in April of 1995. I was told that if I was not baptized I would have nowhere to live upon my graduation in 7 months. SO I made myself take the inevitable step as quickly as possible. Initially I thought it was probably a good move, but as the months ticked away I began to realize that this would not be a wise move for me.

Where did you find information? Internet sites? Books?

My initial opening was at the library in Bethel. I worked in recyckling and while I was there they were destroying reading material from the GB member that had died. His books were brought down to my industrial shredder and brothers hovered over me to ensure “that I didn't read anything he wrote or tried to keep them”. This perplexed me so I started reading a lot of weird things in the 25-30 building library until I got scared and felt bad about it. I also began to become a little concerned about insane articles being writtenn in the Watchtower and realized something was amiss. Years later I read a lot of internet sites but nothing really affected me much. Then I came to this site and saw a lot of the articles that TERRY wrote and they really screwed my head up. BADLY. Then Cofty and a few others like PunkofNice. Those same things were photocopied and given to my wife which also started her exit along with a number of crazy recent Watchtower articles.

How difficult or painful was the process of leaving?

I am still going through the process. I have not been to a meeting in close to a year and most of the drama is dead in the eyes of most of the congo. However my parents are really turning up the heat and trying to tear apart my friendships, my business as well as my opwn family. The best thing is my wife is with me so the pain is actually very very low. I have lost my parents and continue to be disappointed by them and my brother but we were always a very distant family so losing them doesn't hurt too much. As for my sister... I am working on it.

Was it a big dramatic exit or a careful quiet fade?

I faded quickly. I resigned as an elder two months after leaving my old hall. Two weeks later I never returned to a meeting. I gave a very extreme talk after I had stepped aside and that alerted many to the fact that something was wrong. There have been huge amounts of drama since I left in regards to work, employees, yelling at former elder friends and now the refusal to accept my DA letter because it wasn't signed. Now they are chasing me down to play by their rules even more but ultimately they are trying to just let me drift I am beginning to gather. My parents are stoking the fire for me to be df'ed.

Did you convince anyone else to leave with you?

Yes! My wife. I didn't really convince her, we just both kind of had our suspicions confirmed and me making the first move made it easy for her to come to grips with what she had felt for years. My children have no desire top be there. My sister... she is smart. She was baptized a year and 2 months ago. She has been inactive for 8 months. I don't think she will be around much longer.

How were your family relations affected by your decision?

My mother has betrayed me and tried to entrapment multiple times. My father has done the same. 2 years ago we began to draw close for the first time but now he spends his time trying to get mee to confess to things and he continues to hound the elders in my hall to harass me. My brother has always hated me and it just continues. Me and my sister have drawn MUCH closer and we continue to do so.

Were you or are you still being shunned by those who didn't leave?

I am shunned by everyone and no announcement has been made. They know my stance so they view me as an apostate already and as a bad associate. Only my sister and a handful of friends on facebook still keep in touch. Some of them are also taking to heart much of the information I sent out in a facebook blast of my DA letter.

How long have you now been out?

About a year. I am considered inactive but will soon be df/DA.

Was there anything you looked forward to doing when you left?

Being myself. I was never allowed to be a genuine person. I always had problems with my beliefs but I was never “allowed” to question them. I looked forward to just being free!

What are you most proud of achieving since you left?

Me and my wife being 100% open with each other.

Is there anything you miss about life in the congregation?

Nope.

Red pill or blue pill? Do you regret waking up to reality at all?

Not at all. I am watchig my children enjoy life and my wife as well. Watching them reach their full potential. My only regret is I was not man enoug to tell my wife how I felt YEARS AGO.

Did you become an atheist or transfer your faith elsewhere?

I consider myself to be an anti-theist as of today and I feel comfortable there. I originally was scared to just admit this and accept how I felt but it is what it is. I tried to rationalize their being a loving creator but that idea just does not compute.

How do you now feel about religion in general?

I feel it can be a huge waste of time. If it helps someone become a better person then so be it. However, it just appears to make people dillusional.

Do you feel any guilt celebrating xmas or birthdays or doing any other JW "no-no"s?

Nope. I do not believe in GOD so why would celebrating anything be wrong unless it causes harm to my fellow man. I just fdinished decorating my home for Christmas with my wife and kids and it was a blast. Tomorrow I am taking Christmas photos with the wifde and kids and dog... MY WIFE LOVES CHRISTMAS.

Have you attended any face-to-face meetups of ex-JWs?

Not yet but I plan to take full advantage of the opportunity.

Describe your circle of friends - mostly other ex-JWs or regular people?

I do not have any... sadly. Opur upbringing prevented us from building any type of relationships even at the Kingdom Hall so I never saw a need to have close friends. My best man is a witness and wants nothing to do with me. My old friends I had before being baptized are getting reacquainted with me so we will see how that goes!

Do you tell people about your JW past?

Nope I want to forget the whole experience.

Do you feel animosity or pity toward current JWs?

I feel no animosity toward individuals... I HATE THE GB for doing what they are doing. I do however pity many of the drones who really think that this is how we are suppose to live. You have one life to live and they are squandering it.... it is truly a shame.

How do you respond to witnesses when they call at your door?

I have a big gate with a lock.

Storm the barricades or tend to the wounded? (do you favor activism or support)

Support I guess. I have much more important things to be active with . I have a child with autism. I also mentor and train many AA youths in my area in an attempt to build a stronger community and put people on the road to self-sufficiency. I am not a racist, I just happen to be very aware of the unique problem s I dealt with and help those in a similar situation. I do however help anyone who needs assistance if I am able to provide it.

What do you think is the most effective approach to reaching people still in?

No clue, so many attitudes and pasts to deal with I have found little success reaching many. I also haven't had much time nor energy to do so. I talk to those who ask me, otherwise I keep it moving.

Do you think the WTS can or should be destroyed, will continue on as-is or grow / change?

It needs to go away, but it won't. It will be around for years and years to come.

How has your life been impacted by your JW past?

I lost my family and friends I knew for my entire life. I wasted many years toiling in vain. It has destroyed the most enjoyable years of my life and I can not have them back.

Are there things in your life you blame the WTS for?

Yes, I wasted many years in full-time service. My mother also through away a very unique opportunity that I had that WOULD have changed my life in ways that are unimaginable. I can never forgive her for those actions. I do however have a wonderful wife that I met in the hall so I can no tbe to angry LOL.

JW upbringing - a protection or a curse?

A HUGE CURSE.

How do you fill your time now it's not filled with meetings and field service?

Relaxing with children and wife, smoking cigars and drinking liquor that many will say is a waste of money. Playing with my dog and being friendly with cows. I also like working out now and just found how much fun video games are.

Do you still have an interest in JW beliefs and doctrines?

Nope.

How much of your time is still spent on JW related matters?

I spend an excessive amount of time here LOL, but Battlefield 4 is becoming a new passion of mine.

What do you think of the ex-JW community?

I love it, if it was not here I would probably still be a freaking JW suffering in silence. I do get concerned about those that NEED A HIGHER POWER that go from the frying pan into the fire – but each one has to charter his own course.

Do you see yourself still being associated with the ex-JW community in 5 or 10 years time?

I hope not! I love these people but I want this part of my life to disappear. I am not the wonderful writeer that many here are and I also know that my attitude is not one that will lead people in a positive direction. My posts are usually just rants so I don't think I offer a positive experience to the community. I am however forever indebted and love so many here.

Do you fear the future?

Nope.

What advice would you give to anyone starting the journey of leaving the WTS?

For me ripping the bandaid off and getting the hell out was the best move. Slow fading is painful and would have weakened my resolve. Get out and deal with what comes next. Good or Bad it will ultimately be a positive move.

What would you change in your life if you could go back and talk to yourself?

I would tell myself to find my wife at her job, convince her to marry a worldy guy and run off into the sunset and never look back.

Do you have any regrets about life since you left?

No. My life has improved in everyway. The issues I do have will subside and disappear in the rearview mirror. I will continue on my path and grow as a human being with my true family. I will try to use spellcheck mor ein the future :)

Want to share your own story? Please use the Interview with an Apostate: Template and post it in the Personal Experiences & Reunions section with the title "Interview with an Apostate: [your name or alias]"

35

Why I am upset with myself for my atheistic beliefs

by confusedandalone in

yesterday me and the wife were talking about how much better life has become.

she said something that got me thinking and made me a bit sad for a while.

we were discussing where we are at individually in our quest for understanding about the "super-natural" and i expressed i have no belief in it at all and how much i have changed she says, "i don't think you have changed much.

confusedandalone

"I say dont be an atheist unless you do so for reasons of evidence and logic and happiness. GO search out truth, see what you find.

I mean the above sentence with all sincerity, but having done the above myself, to a reasonable degree (for me) I ended up where you have started...atheism."

S&R in my case there is very little searching left for me to do. During my final 3 years in I was just so fed up with the thought of owing everything in my life to a magical guy in the sky. I hated opening the bible because it was just so obvious it was packed full of non-sense. From the state of the things around me I hjust can't imagine there is anyone out there controlling things when so much is screwed up and even if h=it was they obviously are not interested so I can't waste my time tryinbg to find someone that no one has heard from ever in history.

All holy book turn my brain to poo as I read them... science is captivating and provides answers to things it can and those it can't it keeps searching. My searching for GOD is over. My searching for reality continues :)