punk, cofty, cantleave
Please don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that being disillusioned and bitter is how you have your life now or that it may be a permanent feature in your life. I hope it doesn't. But correct me if I'm wrong, you all went through that phase at some point when you were waking up. I guess one of the worst feelings there is is when you consider yourself reasonably smart and educated and then you conclude that you've been lied to and deceived intentionally. You feel terrible, about the other party, and then about yourself because you feel stupid and used, and finally about the world because no one told you (perhaps some did but you weren't listening) ...etc etc. I know the feeling ...I'm in the business world and deceit is common between competitors.
The added evil is when you lose your family in the process. Like I said, I got 9 out of 10 of my closest family in...well in. So you can see what I'm contemplating.
The way I was brought up, I cannot understand the world emotionally (rationally is a whole other ball game that I'm not prepared to debate) without the notion of a Creator / Father that gives sense to life as we know it. Yes, God never talked to me. yes, I find it disturbing that God may look down on us as ants in anthill and according to his mood he may be playful and merciful, or indifferent of wrathful. Perhaps it's like that. I'm just not prepared to process the idea that there's nothing, zero intelligence behind the physical universe. Call me ignorant if you will. But Christ appeals to my humanity. What people make of Christ and of God, well ...
I'm not in the UK, but I'm not that far either. One of these days if i happen to go to London for some trade show in Earl's Court, I'll get in touch. I dislike most beers, but I'm partial to a black stout ;) And ummmm ... partial to Manchester United too ... *ducks*
Eden