Randy,
Thanks for the release. I just hope the Browns will take a look here before sending this out. There are several serious problems with this press release.
1). What exactly is the news here? If this is a press release, it has got to sound like one, not like an attack on Jehovah's Witnesses. The newsworthy point should be in the lead, and the lead paragraph should be short and concise - no more than TWO sentences long. This lead paragraph is a monster, and will guarantee that NO serious journalist will read it.
2). This release is in need of MAJOR editing. There are number of spelling and grammatical errors, starting in the very first sentence.
3). This is WAY TOO long. Cut and slash the text. One page, MAYBE two, max. As written, this is about 1900 words long. It has to be cut to maybe 500 words max.
4). What are all these 1,2,3, a,b,c points? This isn't a college dissertation, it's a press release, correct? Get rid of all that.
5). If your point is that you are a human rights organization and are claiming that JWs are violating the UN Declaration of Human Rights, that should be your point, and you need to prove it.
Do you want some help with this? Contact me. As written, this should not be sent out, as it will be ignored, or worse, make those sending it sound foolish.
Sorry to be so blunt, but please don't send this out as written.
S4