I don't know how to date..............

IWish4Truth

I am a 32 year old female. I think my view of sex and relationships is pretty much screwed up. I was taught that all men are dogs and that all they want is sex. Yes, my witness parents taught me that. Although I do not totally agree with that, I do have the tendency to mistrust all men, thinking that there is an underlying motive for anything "nice" they may do. It's almost as if I sabotage a potential relationship b-4 it even has a chance. I meet some really interesting men but it seems I cant go beyond a certain point. Even if I get intimate, it's always something in my head telling me that the guy can't possibly be sincere or that I'm doing something wrong??

wannahelp

Howdy, and welcome to the board..

Well, us men aren't all dogs :-)

Try just forming a friendship with a man first.. If he cannot respect your views on stuff, then I don't think he would be right for you anyway..!!!

If you are in the Connecticut area, I'd love to meet ya and just be friends.. I can always use more friends, male or female!!!

- Wannahelp

one

being realistic, your parents are not totally wrong.

if you were 90 years old, a 32 year old man will approach you?

and MAINLY WHY?

Be honest.

BTW you need to date mature men, they will tipically be somewhat older than you, but they do it better.

Makena1

IWish - I agree with you, and your parents to a large degree. First, the JW "cocoon" does not prepare you for the real world of dating. It is meant to shelter and protect until you find the janitor of your dreams.
There are a few men out there who may sincerely be looking for a relationship beyond a one night stand - however, at the risk of generalizing, for the most part the men you meet are watching your lips move (while not hearing a word you say) and are wondering what you look like naked. Whether that makes them dogs or just "guys" is up to you.
Have you ever listened to Tom Leykus (LA radio talk show, but syndicated nationally)?
While I don't agree with a lot of his views, his opinions on men, women, dating and sex as spouted in his Thursday PM "Leykus 101" class are painfully accurate and honest. He also does not believe that men and women can be "just friends". Sooner or later one or both want to take it to the next level.

I wish you well - have fun, but please be careful.

Makena
celebrating 27+ years of happiness with one special woman

Stephanus

Being concerned about another person's motives is a throwback to your upbringing. So what if the other person wants to get something out of the relationship? It's okay if you do, so it is for them to have hopes and desires too. As for worrying that the thing that they want isn't what you want to give them, that's what relationships are all about - negotiation and compromise. Bottomline: stop trying to mindread, and start asking people what they want and telling them what you want. Communication is the foundation of all long-term relationships.

"You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I'll bet he was glad to get rid of it."
- Groucho Marx

COMF

Frankly, I would not even bother going out with someone I didn't desire to have sex with.

Is wanting sex a bad thing? News flash: it's an integral part of a normal relationship, and is probably the biggest reason why people pair off in the first place. Not the only reason, but the biggest.

There's far more to a relationship than sex. Friendship, shared experiences, good conversation, a listening ear in times of trouble, a relaxing shoulder-rub when you're tense, a sounding board for new ideas; not to mention a collaborator in your personal efforts toward survival of the species. You might even find that rare, perhaps mythical creature, the soulmate.

Sex is one of many items in a list. All of them are good things. Including sex. Why is sex, alone of all these, considered bad if desired by your partner? How come he is not a dog if he desires conversation with you, but he is a dog if he desires sex with you? I don't get it. Clue me in.

COMF

Seeker4

Your parents aren't totally wacked - most men want sex, and you probably wouldn't want a relationship with one who didn't. I have women that are close friends, and some of them I've slept with. I may no longer be sleeping with them, but they often have remained good friends. I also have women friends I haven't slept with. I am also probably a dog, but I know that and I'm a very nice one.

But I think the real question here is about you - not men. Do you want a friend, a lover, a husband? What can you give to these various relationships? You've got to take some risks, girl! Nothing is a sure thing, except that probably most men will want to sleep with you.

So, take that as the given and start there. It doesn't necessarily make things awful, you now. And I agree - try older guys. There are some really clueless young jerks out there, trying to prove something. You want someone who's confident in who he is and is going to see you as a person and not just another trophy on the wall or a notch on the bedpost. And there's nothing to say that you can't add a few notches to your own bedpost if you feel the urge! Live a little.

S4 (who is still laughing at that "janitor of your dreams" line!)

one

When i was about 17 a much older friend told me something about sex i never forget his comment was something like:

Shortly before you marry you find out that your future wife does not know how to cook anything

(in the female case that he is not a handyman, can not fix anything around the house.)

or does not make much money at work

or needs to wear glasses

or is missing a finger or two

or does not know what an email is

etc etc

You still marry the person, most likely.

BUT if your future wife (or husband) CAN NOT HAVE SEX for some reason.

What will you do? where are your PRIORITIES?

he or she loves you, sincerily, but last thing he has in mind is sex.
------------

BTW when i married,, the first night i did not touch my wife, why hurrry? I just changed priorities for a day or two.

patio34

I'm reminded of a line from "Frazier." Frazier Crane emotionally replied when accused of using sex to get what he wanted:

"How can men use sex to get what they want??? SEX IS WHAT THEY WANT!!"

LOL.

Comf made some good points too.

Good luck,
Pat

Thomas Poole

...I sabotage a potential relationship b-4 it even has a chance. ...it seems I cant go beyond a certain point. Even if I get intimate, ...my head telling me that the guy can't possibly be sincere or that I'm doing something wrong??

If you're not a Christian, you are looking for a looser's life, because you will have no spiritual foundation with any man.

If you ever seek to claim Christianity, you must first find yourself in Christ and also understand about the Holy Spirit's causes a new nature about you. You then need to understand how to pick a mate.

In his Christian personality, note what he does, how he behaves under many circumstances and with many kinds of people. Especially study his relationship with his parents. All these tell more about him, than what he might ever say about himself personally.

Also, can he forever never tire of the Bible, love to talk and teach the Bible, want to serve as a Christian. If so, then he probably has the Holy Spirit about him.

If you are not the same, then forget about a wholesome relationship with this man.

I don't know how to date..............

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