Posts by Fadeaway3pointer

60

Rec'd a letter from my Dad - need some advice...

by Fadeaway3pointer in

fader here - last meeting was in autumn 2005. lurker on this site and others.

not one to get all controversial.. typical situation, pretty much a born in and left the church at age 38 and never looked back.. i'm 53 now, parents getting older - late 70s but very active, dad is still an elder.. parents, in laws, brother and brother-in-law still uber active jws.. my family (wife and 2 adult children) out since 2005.. we have stayed close to our parents - we have treaded religion lightly and have had a pretty good relationship and have kept our personal lives and beliefs/opinions separated from them.

this was intentional - as we love them and do not want anything to cause shunning since they are getting older and want to be there for them and we respect their beliefs.. got this letter today.

Fadeaway3pointer

Again, thank you all for the kind words and advice - I think we will stay quiet and see if this blows over in a couple months. Treat them with love and respect - even though they are not doing the same.

60

Rec'd a letter from my Dad - need some advice...

by Fadeaway3pointer in

fader here - last meeting was in autumn 2005. lurker on this site and others.

not one to get all controversial.. typical situation, pretty much a born in and left the church at age 38 and never looked back.. i'm 53 now, parents getting older - late 70s but very active, dad is still an elder.. parents, in laws, brother and brother-in-law still uber active jws.. my family (wife and 2 adult children) out since 2005.. we have stayed close to our parents - we have treaded religion lightly and have had a pretty good relationship and have kept our personal lives and beliefs/opinions separated from them.

this was intentional - as we love them and do not want anything to cause shunning since they are getting older and want to be there for them and we respect their beliefs.. got this letter today.

Fadeaway3pointer

Thanks everyone for your comments. I am going to spend some time digesting this info. I do not have to resolve this immediately.

I am not DA or DF - neither are my wife and children. We were able to move away and stop attending.

Everyone knows us in our former city as my wife and I were pioneers and i was an Elder as well. It was a shock to our former conditional friends when we stopped - our family name was well known and aways the “model” (cough, cough) spiritual family. Little do they know we woke up!

we have been shunned for years by everyone except our parents - we have worked very hard to maintain relationship with them Whats funny is that my wifes parents are still ok - Im heading to their house tomorrow to help with some maintenance on their property - unless my folks have gotten to them... i wonder if they will say anything? I will let you know...

60

Rec'd a letter from my Dad - need some advice...

by Fadeaway3pointer in

fader here - last meeting was in autumn 2005. lurker on this site and others.

not one to get all controversial.. typical situation, pretty much a born in and left the church at age 38 and never looked back.. i'm 53 now, parents getting older - late 70s but very active, dad is still an elder.. parents, in laws, brother and brother-in-law still uber active jws.. my family (wife and 2 adult children) out since 2005.. we have stayed close to our parents - we have treaded religion lightly and have had a pretty good relationship and have kept our personal lives and beliefs/opinions separated from them.

this was intentional - as we love them and do not want anything to cause shunning since they are getting older and want to be there for them and we respect their beliefs.. got this letter today.

Fadeaway3pointer

Interesting take. It is one way mostly. But they were like that when we were “in” to some degree.

And you are spot on regarding who decides “family business”.

I have always wanted my Father’s approval and love - because he never showed it. As you can tell by his letter, he is not prone to emotion, yet he is very sensitive and quietly assumes the martyr/victim role. He gave all his extra time to the religion he chose. So you may be right with regards to my motives.

What I fear is that they when they die, I wont be in their lives - even to a limited and one sided degree - and that saddens me.

60

Rec'd a letter from my Dad - need some advice...

by Fadeaway3pointer in

fader here - last meeting was in autumn 2005. lurker on this site and others.

not one to get all controversial.. typical situation, pretty much a born in and left the church at age 38 and never looked back.. i'm 53 now, parents getting older - late 70s but very active, dad is still an elder.. parents, in laws, brother and brother-in-law still uber active jws.. my family (wife and 2 adult children) out since 2005.. we have stayed close to our parents - we have treaded religion lightly and have had a pretty good relationship and have kept our personal lives and beliefs/opinions separated from them.

this was intentional - as we love them and do not want anything to cause shunning since they are getting older and want to be there for them and we respect their beliefs.. got this letter today.

Fadeaway3pointer

Good advice from all. I like the total silence stance.

60

Rec'd a letter from my Dad - need some advice...

by Fadeaway3pointer in

fader here - last meeting was in autumn 2005. lurker on this site and others.

not one to get all controversial.. typical situation, pretty much a born in and left the church at age 38 and never looked back.. i'm 53 now, parents getting older - late 70s but very active, dad is still an elder.. parents, in laws, brother and brother-in-law still uber active jws.. my family (wife and 2 adult children) out since 2005.. we have stayed close to our parents - we have treaded religion lightly and have had a pretty good relationship and have kept our personal lives and beliefs/opinions separated from them.

this was intentional - as we love them and do not want anything to cause shunning since they are getting older and want to be there for them and we respect their beliefs.. got this letter today.

Fadeaway3pointer

Possibly. Not sure what triggered this as we have never put up lights. We have done a tree in past for a day or two but kept it hidden. We have exchanged gifts with our children for over a decade, but we have avoided doing any type of Christmas display due to being sensitive about getting “outed” and need to keep peace with the parents.

I havent seen or spoken to my Brother and also my Brother-in-law in years. They and their wives actively shun us. They all are pious pricks

My wife’s parents and until today my parents have not shunned us - see and speak to them regularly.

60

Rec'd a letter from my Dad - need some advice...

by Fadeaway3pointer in

fader here - last meeting was in autumn 2005. lurker on this site and others.

not one to get all controversial.. typical situation, pretty much a born in and left the church at age 38 and never looked back.. i'm 53 now, parents getting older - late 70s but very active, dad is still an elder.. parents, in laws, brother and brother-in-law still uber active jws.. my family (wife and 2 adult children) out since 2005.. we have stayed close to our parents - we have treaded religion lightly and have had a pretty good relationship and have kept our personal lives and beliefs/opinions separated from them.

this was intentional - as we love them and do not want anything to cause shunning since they are getting older and want to be there for them and we respect their beliefs.. got this letter today.

Fadeaway3pointer

What is tough is that we have been close for past 15 years. I call my Mom weekly and speak with my Dad a couple times per month. Visit them at least once per month. Took them out to dinner in October and then brought food over and had dinner with them early December.

My wife commented a couple days ago that we hadnt heard from them and that we should go see them (we live about an hour away)

so its hard to just cut off - love them deeply - and i know that time is running out due to their age and health. I do not want to miss out on being close to them for the time left. I love my family more than any religion. We have been so cautious around them for so long in order to not lose them. Hurts deeply.

60

Rec'd a letter from my Dad - need some advice...

by Fadeaway3pointer in

fader here - last meeting was in autumn 2005. lurker on this site and others.

not one to get all controversial.. typical situation, pretty much a born in and left the church at age 38 and never looked back.. i'm 53 now, parents getting older - late 70s but very active, dad is still an elder.. parents, in laws, brother and brother-in-law still uber active jws.. my family (wife and 2 adult children) out since 2005.. we have stayed close to our parents - we have treaded religion lightly and have had a pretty good relationship and have kept our personal lives and beliefs/opinions separated from them.

this was intentional - as we love them and do not want anything to cause shunning since they are getting older and want to be there for them and we respect their beliefs.. got this letter today.

Fadeaway3pointer

Have no clue on where the Christmas accusation is from. They knew my daughter and her boyfriend live in our apartment we built. Not part of our house. They never said anything about that but boy - celebrate xmas and you are Bad!!!

60

Rec'd a letter from my Dad - need some advice...

by Fadeaway3pointer in

fader here - last meeting was in autumn 2005. lurker on this site and others.

not one to get all controversial.. typical situation, pretty much a born in and left the church at age 38 and never looked back.. i'm 53 now, parents getting older - late 70s but very active, dad is still an elder.. parents, in laws, brother and brother-in-law still uber active jws.. my family (wife and 2 adult children) out since 2005.. we have stayed close to our parents - we have treaded religion lightly and have had a pretty good relationship and have kept our personal lives and beliefs/opinions separated from them.

this was intentional - as we love them and do not want anything to cause shunning since they are getting older and want to be there for them and we respect their beliefs.. got this letter today.

Fadeaway3pointer

Fader here - last meeting was in Autumn 2005. Lurker on this site and others. Not one to get all controversial.

Typical situation, pretty much a born in and left the church at age 38 and never looked back.

I'm 53 now, parents getting older - late 70s but very active, Dad is still an Elder.

Parents, In Laws, Brother and Brother-in-Law still uber active JWs.

My family (wife and 2 adult children) out since 2005.

We have stayed close to our parents - we have treaded religion lightly and have had a pretty good relationship and have kept our personal lives and beliefs/opinions separated from them. This was intentional - as we love them and do not want anything to cause shunning since they are getting older and want to be there for them and we respect their beliefs.

Got this letter today. Note: we did not celebrate Xmas this year - too much going on and frankly it doesn't have the meaning for us since we were raised JW. We do like Xmas and the family togetherness and we give gifts to our grown children - sometimes go overboard on the gifts since they never celebrated growing up...

Need some advice on a response or should I just ignore? My Father is very rigid, to the point - black and white guy - pretty much a nerd (he is an electrical engineer from his pre-JW education...) He has never been emotional and has gotten very upset in the past when we did talk about why I don't want to be JW. He is totally brainwashed.

The letter - sent via USPS with a "Return to Jehovah" brochure inside the envelope:

"Dear XXXX,

I am writing this short and concise letter instead of phoning you as it would have resulted in unproductive emotional verbal exchanges by both of us.

Over the past few years your Mom and I have "looked the other way" with dangerous "sentimentality" regarding you and your family's deviation from spiritual standards. However, we have recently become aware of you and XYXY celebrating Christmas. We suspected such activity was going on, but now it is confirmed. Additionally, it is no secret that there is/was unscriptural cohabitation by your children in your own home.

We know you love us, and we you too, but it is evident that our lifestyles and conduct standards do not coincide.

Therefore, since our loyalty to the God we worship supercedes family loyalty, your Mom and I have mustered up enough courage to limit contact with you and your family to only "necessary family business". We hope you will respect our stand on this.

Your Mom and I dream that someday that this situation will be corrected by you and your family returning to Jehovah, and to us. But that is up to you and them. To that end I am enclosing an appropriate brochure. Please XXXX, don't throw it away. Even show it to the rest of the family. Or just set it aside in a safe place and at some point it might be seriously considered!

Sincerely,

(still your) Mom and Dad

PS: we suspect that after reading this letter you will be outraged and then text, or call on the phone, or drive down to express your negative thoughts and feelings towards us, the congregation and the organization. Please don't. Our hearts hurt enough already.

Any thoughts are appreciated.

Thanks.