Posts by EntirelyPossible

91

A polite way to ask someone to keep their hands to themselves...

by White Dove in

what's a polite way to ask a man to keep his hands to himself while conversing in a group with you?.

this neighbor of mine and i were sitting in chairs on the deck with other people.. he always touched me whenever he said anything to me or i said anything to him.. it was as if he was using touch like an antenna to send and receive signals.. i didn't know what to do, so instead of risking embarrassment for us both, i did nothing but stand up and step away.. i stepped away after he attempted to caress my hamstrings on one leg.. *shudder*.

wonder why 60+ year old men think that a woman being nice to him means she's hot for him.. also wonders why it's only the smoking, beer guzzling, scrawny, bony, and smelly old men who do that.. .

EntirelyPossible

In my faraway land, touching a person when they have told you not to, is considered a 'common assault'. Yes, that is the LAW.

Very true. In this scenario, however, no one was told to stop. Also, what you described generally isn't considered "common assault". Assault generally required intent or attempt to harm. You may be thinking of battery.

Cultural differences can be an issue, but anyone who comes to THIS country needs to learn fast that women have the right to say "HANDS OFF", and anyone who is born in this country knows bloody well ---- no touching unless invited.

That's great except my example didn't involve women or hands, but rather the concept of personal space in general. And there are differences withing countries. Within the same state or province, in fact. Within neighborhoods. There is no common univeral national, regional or local ethic that applies.

Copping a feel is usually tried by randy teenagers, those who are experiencing arrested development, or, well just plain disrespectful of women in general.

I know. Girls never have those dirty sexual thoughts or touch a man. And you forgot drunks.

91

A polite way to ask someone to keep their hands to themselves...

by White Dove in

what's a polite way to ask a man to keep his hands to himself while conversing in a group with you?.

this neighbor of mine and i were sitting in chairs on the deck with other people.. he always touched me whenever he said anything to me or i said anything to him.. it was as if he was using touch like an antenna to send and receive signals.. i didn't know what to do, so instead of risking embarrassment for us both, i did nothing but stand up and step away.. i stepped away after he attempted to caress my hamstrings on one leg.. *shudder*.

wonder why 60+ year old men think that a woman being nice to him means she's hot for him.. also wonders why it's only the smoking, beer guzzling, scrawny, bony, and smelly old men who do that.. .

EntirelyPossible

You were an asshole to me with all of your smart ass and sarcastic comments. You weren't blunt or to the point. You were RUDE!

I was sarcastic and smart ass. I wasn't an asshole to you, however. I wasn't rude. If you go back and read your threads (which I strongly suggest you do) the common victim theme running through them is that someone ELSE is always doing something wrong to you. Asking for sex in a park when all they said was to go for a walk, betrayed by friends, only sleazeballs want to date you, someone is mad at you and you did nothing wrong and can't figure out why, etc., etc. It goes on and on and on and on.

If you felt that I was being and asshole and rude to you before, then suck it up. Let me be what you accuse me of not being before, blunt and direct.

You don't want help, you want affirmation that it's not your fault. In all of those threads, when anyone questions your interpretation of events, you flip out. You want to be told that you are right. Poor you with all these rapists and sleazeballs and betraying friends. If that's the kind of people that keep showing up in your life, they aren't the problem. Look in a mirror.

I say this to help you. You have a pattern that keeps repeating itself and you keep doing the same things over and over. The people you deal with and the way you handle them will not change until YOU do.

You can call it being an asshole, you can call it being rude, I really don't care. Emotionally and intellectually it's about the same level as my 11 year old telling me he hates me because I won't let him have a facebook account yet.

Sorry you feel trampled on, but really, I only tell you this for your own good. Take a long hard think about things.

91

A polite way to ask someone to keep their hands to themselves...

by White Dove in

what's a polite way to ask a man to keep his hands to himself while conversing in a group with you?.

this neighbor of mine and i were sitting in chairs on the deck with other people.. he always touched me whenever he said anything to me or i said anything to him.. it was as if he was using touch like an antenna to send and receive signals.. i didn't know what to do, so instead of risking embarrassment for us both, i did nothing but stand up and step away.. i stepped away after he attempted to caress my hamstrings on one leg.. *shudder*.

wonder why 60+ year old men think that a woman being nice to him means she's hot for him.. also wonders why it's only the smoking, beer guzzling, scrawny, bony, and smelly old men who do that.. .

EntirelyPossible

This is so common there should be some ethics about it.

From my experience in the US, South America, Eastern Europe and the UK, the ideas about touching and personal space seem to be LARGELY a cultural thing. That is to say, there ARE ethics about it, but the vary from region to region. For instance, when I was in Eastern Europe, it was very common for a man, when talking to me, to sit so close that our legs were touching. Weird? By traditional US standards, yes, but they often lived 5 people to a 700 sq. ft. apartment. There was no concept of personal space, no one grew up with it and no one had it.

Just an example.

24

I'm a JW...HERE ME WHINE!!!

by scooterspank in

jw
friends

i don't even know where to start.

every jw i still have contact with is poor, their health is bad, they're stressed out, they're unhappy people.

they put on a good front but you can see the strained smiles, those distant looks into nowhere (or where their life could have gone).

EntirelyPossible

I know. They can't live in the here and now and makes plans for life because, after all, the end is just around the corner. Their life is not their own. The hollow, distant look you see in their eyes is what is left when the borg sucks out their personality and brain.

91

A polite way to ask someone to keep their hands to themselves...

by White Dove in

what's a polite way to ask a man to keep his hands to himself while conversing in a group with you?.

this neighbor of mine and i were sitting in chairs on the deck with other people.. he always touched me whenever he said anything to me or i said anything to him.. it was as if he was using touch like an antenna to send and receive signals.. i didn't know what to do, so instead of risking embarrassment for us both, i did nothing but stand up and step away.. i stepped away after he attempted to caress my hamstrings on one leg.. *shudder*.

wonder why 60+ year old men think that a woman being nice to him means she's hot for him.. also wonders why it's only the smoking, beer guzzling, scrawny, bony, and smelly old men who do that.. .

EntirelyPossible

You had an extremely valid question, and need not be personally attacked for looking to the board for advice on handling a sticky situation.

She hasn't been personally attacked in the least. And the situation wasn't sticky. She's a grown woman with two grown children. She should have at least 18 years of experience telling people to stop doing things.

91

A polite way to ask someone to keep their hands to themselves...

by White Dove in

what's a polite way to ask a man to keep his hands to himself while conversing in a group with you?.

this neighbor of mine and i were sitting in chairs on the deck with other people.. he always touched me whenever he said anything to me or i said anything to him.. it was as if he was using touch like an antenna to send and receive signals.. i didn't know what to do, so instead of risking embarrassment for us both, i did nothing but stand up and step away.. i stepped away after he attempted to caress my hamstrings on one leg.. *shudder*.

wonder why 60+ year old men think that a woman being nice to him means she's hot for him.. also wonders why it's only the smoking, beer guzzling, scrawny, bony, and smelly old men who do that.. .

EntirelyPossible

I had no plan to harm or embarrass anyone. Period.

Does anyone get that?

We get it. why do you think we don't?

91

A polite way to ask someone to keep their hands to themselves...

by White Dove in

what's a polite way to ask a man to keep his hands to himself while conversing in a group with you?.

this neighbor of mine and i were sitting in chairs on the deck with other people.. he always touched me whenever he said anything to me or i said anything to him.. it was as if he was using touch like an antenna to send and receive signals.. i didn't know what to do, so instead of risking embarrassment for us both, i did nothing but stand up and step away.. i stepped away after he attempted to caress my hamstrings on one leg.. *shudder*.

wonder why 60+ year old men think that a woman being nice to him means she's hot for him.. also wonders why it's only the smoking, beer guzzling, scrawny, bony, and smelly old men who do that.. .

EntirelyPossible

Some people on this board would do well in asking a better way of saying things to people, because tact is not something you stick on a cork board.

No, it isn't. Sometimes tact is pulling someone aside for a private conversation, sometimes it's being blunt and direct. Depends on the situation. I daresay we could ALL use more tact at times as not a one of us is perfect.

My last comment on that last post was not directed at you.

As I said, we all need to take a good long look in the mirror. I was blunt and direct on purpose. The world needs hammers as well as scalpels. The value is in knowing how to figure out which is the right tool.

I actually know of guys that get turned on by threatning to break their finger/hand if they put it on your leg...

I know, I usually have to pay extra for that.

30

What is better? Disassociation or Disfellowshipping?

by Quarterback in

EntirelyPossible

Do you want to jump or be pushed off the edge of the cliff?

91

A polite way to ask someone to keep their hands to themselves...

by White Dove in

what's a polite way to ask a man to keep his hands to himself while conversing in a group with you?.

this neighbor of mine and i were sitting in chairs on the deck with other people.. he always touched me whenever he said anything to me or i said anything to him.. it was as if he was using touch like an antenna to send and receive signals.. i didn't know what to do, so instead of risking embarrassment for us both, i did nothing but stand up and step away.. i stepped away after he attempted to caress my hamstrings on one leg.. *shudder*.

wonder why 60+ year old men think that a woman being nice to him means she's hot for him.. also wonders why it's only the smoking, beer guzzling, scrawny, bony, and smelly old men who do that.. .

EntirelyPossible

You have a mentor?

Interesting.

Wish you luck in healing and learning.

I do. A business mentor. I've done well in my career, but I have realized I will never make it to corporate director level without the guidance of someone who has already been successful at that level, so I took advantage of a program my company has. It's designed to encourage existing good behaviors and assist with providing guidance, experience and candid feedback for self improvement. It's a two way relationship with someone outside of my chain of managment that I can give my honest opinion too without any fear of punitive action in terms of my job and HE can give very candid, objective and critical feedback. It's a two way committement where I agree to work with his suggestions and be willing to put forth the work and effort to change and he has to put forth the work to take an interest and BE the mentor. In my case, I managed to get the CIO of a 100K+ person comany to be my mentor, so I feel that I did well for myself.

Not sure why you wished me luck in healing. What did you think a mentor was?

91

A polite way to ask someone to keep their hands to themselves...

by White Dove in

what's a polite way to ask a man to keep his hands to himself while conversing in a group with you?.

this neighbor of mine and i were sitting in chairs on the deck with other people.. he always touched me whenever he said anything to me or i said anything to him.. it was as if he was using touch like an antenna to send and receive signals.. i didn't know what to do, so instead of risking embarrassment for us both, i did nothing but stand up and step away.. i stepped away after he attempted to caress my hamstrings on one leg.. *shudder*.

wonder why 60+ year old men think that a woman being nice to him means she's hot for him.. also wonders why it's only the smoking, beer guzzling, scrawny, bony, and smelly old men who do that.. .

EntirelyPossible

Why do you read my threads?

Why do people slow down to look at train wrecks?

I'll be sure to run my thread ideas through you in a PM before posting them so you can okay them first.

Actually, in all seriousness, I wouldn't mind at all giving you some coaching on things if I felt like it would help. When I first started working with my mentor, he spend the first two sessions deciding if HE felt I would live up to my end of the bargain, basically, would I accept criticism, be willing to make changes etc.

Asking for advice to better a situation means you might need to make some changes and listen to some uncomfortable advice, not just seek self affirmation of what you already think and feel.

Anyway, best of luck, now I really am done. Expense reports must be done.