Posts by JAG913

7

authorization for blood

by isaacaustin in

jw
friends

ok, if i were in an emergency and needed blood, would i need someone to sign an authorization for me to receive?

would my jw family get in trouble if they signed?

how can i authorize a firend to sign?

Hello! I have just finished going through what you are referring to. I am engaged to an ex-witness, whose mother is a devote JW. She told us that since she is next of kin, she would refuse blood for him because she believes he'll come back to the society one day and should die faithful. Needless to say, we had to put something into place until I am legally his wife and decision maker.

I think each state has it's own laws (I only know mine in Michigan). Go to your local hospital (or website) and research a "Durable Power of Attorney for Healthcare". In Michigan, you would get and fill out the form (it's available online), choosing an advocate for yourself and having 2 witnesses sign it. It has room for you to put your health care wishes. This takes all of the guess work out of it.

Like I said, you'll have to research it based on your state, but I included a link to my hospitals page about Durable Power of Attorney (it includes a pdf of the form you can download if this works for your state).

http://www.beaumonthospitals.com/quality/durable-power-attorney-health-care

Best of Luck!

Jaime

13

How do you explain JW family members to an Non-JW Child?

by JAG913 in

jw
friends

i noticed a post or comment on here awhile ago explaining how someone explained their jw family members to their child (a non-jw).

we both really liked what was said, but can't find it again for the life of us!.

a brief explanation:our child's grandmother and extended family (aunts, uncles, etc.

JAG913

I noticed a post or comment on here awhile ago explaining how someone explained their JW family members to their child (a non-JW). We both really liked what was said, but can't find it again for the life of us!

A brief explanation:Our child's Grandmother and extended family (Aunts, Uncles, etc.) are not really a part of our sons life. It has been a very bitter and disappointing situation that has been very trying. Our son is young, so while we aren't at the point of having to explain it yet, we will be there before we know it.

Once our kids are adults, we can tell them the whole story. Yet, for a child who doesn't follow the words "cult," "obsurd," etc. we don't want to make them out as monsters but want them to understand that this was their choice and not our fault or our children's fault.

Have any of you gone through this, and if so, what did you say? How did you explain it and how did it go? Any advice/experiences would be great. Just preparing ourselves now for the questions.

Thanks,
Jaime

97

I sued the local congregation

by chukky 594 in

jw
friends

several years ago, before my wife and i left, my 5 yr old daughter got up during the watchtower to cross the aisle to sit with someone else.

she tripped on the roving microphone wire and smashed her head on the foot of a metal chair.

the bleeding was profuse and an ambulance was called.

JAG913

Chukky, I am relatively new to this site, and don't post often. However, I read this entire string and felt compelled to say something because it isn't based on the religious aspect.

Your little girl tripped over wires left in the aisle. To sue over this seems dramatic. Granted they are liable, etc. But you must also take responsibility for your child. If my son is moving around, I watch to make sure he isn't getting into anything. You took your daughter to the KH many times, you knew they had cords in the aisles, and you let her go to the other side. There has to be some responsibility on your end..When my son crawls around, I make sure no matter where we are that there isn't anything he can get into - it was your job to keep an eye out too, you knew from your MANY visits to the KH that you needed to look out for wires.

Now, they carry insurance for a reason, so if you were suing because you needed the medical bills paid, etc. I could probably understand. But you didn't sue for that. You sued to get back at a choice YOU made. You decided to be and/or remain a witness. You chose to take your daughter there. As a child you could have been forced into being there. As an adult you made the decision to stay. I say this with brutal honesty as I have seen and experienced the pain of losing family and friends to get away from this cult. Granted, it's an extremely hard decision to make, I relate to you there, but it was a choice you made. To come out of the woodwork years later to sue them out of spite because you're unhappy about the money/time/effort/pain YOU gave/endured is wrong. It has nothing to do with your daughters fall. If you are going to sue, make it for the right reasons.

As a parent, I'm sorry your daughter had to go through that, I know it's hard to see them in pain, and I'm hoping she is ok now and her other medical issues are doing better as well. Best of Luck.

5

last of my story not for the weak at heart

by TotallyADD in

jw
friends

as i said before when i reached my thirties i feft i had to do something with my life.

so what was my great idea?

well of course i felt i needed to be a elder.

JAG913

Totally ADD,

Thank you for sharing your story. I recently joined this website because my fiance was raised as a Witness (he left) and we're struggling with his family. The more I read about this society, the more I am sickened by what they do. I had tears reading this and thinking about the abuse, especially as a young child. I am only 27, and as I watch my fiance rebuild his life after recently leaving the cult, I see the hurt, sadness and numbness he is going through. To have to "de-program" after 50 years has to be even harder. I admire the strength it's taken to break away from all you've ever known and to do what's right by your wife and family. It is something to be proud of. While you say you haven't reached a real relationship yet with Jesus, I will keep you and your family in my prayers that you find peace, strength and a bond that continues to grow. I wish you the best and hope the last of your transition out of that hell goes quickly.

- Jaime

39

Advice for a non-witness dealing with a fiance's witness family

by JAG913 in

jw
friends

my name is jaime and i'm here because my fiance recommended this site.

i am not, nor will i ever be, a jehovah's witness.

i strongly believe it is a cult, but i also am respectful of the choice people make to associate themselves within the witness "world.

JAG913

Razziel,

Thank you for your honesty. That is truly why I posted on this site... I don't know how to make this work. Will she ever change, will she meet in the middle, can she respect my decisions? This has been eating at me more and more for the exact reasons you just said... what will happen when our son asks why he doesn't know his Grandmother.

I was raised in a Christian family, and my Dad's Mom is a strict Catholic with a very large drinking problem. She's a complete alcoholic, a sloppy drunk. She berated me as a child, always telling me I wasn't good enough, how dissapointed she was, etc. I didn't really do anything wrong, except for that I had a very strong personality (much like my Mother whom she isn't overly fond of). I hated how she made me feel, I cried about it constantly as a child. When I hit my early twenties, I finally realized and accepted the fact that my Grandmother was never going to be the Grandma I wanted. She could only give me what she wanted to, not what I needed. I know that now and our relationship is basically holidays and family events.

I am so caught in the middle - do I subject our son to what I went through and leave him feeling unloved/unwanted/unimportant? But what happens if he never knows her and then blames us for it?

I told her in the beginning that she would be welcome in our lives, and in his life, to the point her "conscious" would allow. While she doesn't agree with going to school, she'll be invited to his graduations and plays/performances. She doesn't agree with playing organized sports but I'll give her a copy of his schedule and if she feels she wants to be here, then she can come. I also made it clear that his knowledge of God and religion will come from us. When I teach him about heaven it is not her place to say that he won't go there because he isn't one of the 144,000. I also made it clear that he should never be made to feel like a mistake. They aren't happy he was born, too damn bad. He will never be told he's a mistake, etc.

The reason I am going back on some of this is because they have already broken the "rules." During a one-on-one with her, I asked why nobody acknowledged his birth. Nobody called, sent texts, Facebooked, etc. I was stunned. She said they wouldn't congratulate us on an illegitamit child who they hadn't wanted. She went on to say she wasn't happy she was a Grandma or that he was here. ARE YOU KIDDING? This isn't a passing phase... HE IS HERE. He was born and is a miracle. I ended the conversation and was devastated. I get you aren't happy, but to be so rude and hateful is pathetic. Then she made it clear to me that Matt will hopefully come to his senses and Jehovah and come back to the religion with his son. She told me that if our son was in her care (babysitting, spending the weekend, etc.) she would do what was in his best interest on his Dad's beliefs. I asked if I wasn't there would she honor my wishes and give him a blood transfusion - she said no. So, as a parent, I can not let her be alone with him. And despite her son making it adamantly known he doesn't agree with the JW "truth" she will not allow for a blood transfusion for him. So, we now are in the process of getting a medical power of attorney to strip her of any "next of kin" rights. This is also part of the reason she called about the will... she will never have custody of our little boy and strip him of the childhood and life we want for him and that he deserves. EVER.

So, while I will never budge on leaving him with her, I can understand spending time together. A family outing to the zoo, etc. But she can't keep her mouth shut. I don't want my fiance to be made fun of or belittled in front of our son. Additionally, she can't stop herself from commenting on everything we do wrong.

I agree that we need to be the bigger people, and that's why we have a standing invitation for her to come over when we are home. We have agreed to meet her places. She is choosing not to at this point, and that saddens me too. We called to see if she wanted to watch the NFL playoffs together (a long-standing tradition within the family) and she said no. This is what is even more frustrating... she blames us for not having a relationship because of how we live, but she refuses to see him when we try and compromise with her. I'm bewildered.

The whole situation is just so foreign to me. I'm from a family who was being kicked out of the delivery room because they couldn't wait to see the baby, whereas these people aren't happy he was born. I still hold out hope that someday we can have some form of a relationship and our son can know the other side of his family, but it will never be at the exepense of his health or well being.

I wish the best for you and hope the relationship between you, your fiance and your parents continues in the right direction and that they attend your wedding. If they don't go I'm sure they'll regret it one day.

- Jaime

19

My Story

by Crank!!! in

jw
friends

my story starts off the same way a lot of yours did, i was born into the jw cult in 1986. my mother got kicked out of her house for studying with her older sister when she was 15. my dad was also born into the jw world.

my mom and dad got divorced when i was 5 (my mother had scriptual grounds) so she raised my younger sister, brother and i mostly by herself.

because of her beliefs she adamantly did not want us having any worldly influences, so she chose to home school all of us.

JAG913

jaime,

He absolutely is engaged to me. After a phone call from the future MIL tonight, he was inspired to finally tell his story.

39

Advice for a non-witness dealing with a fiance's witness family

by JAG913 in

jw
friends

my name is jaime and i'm here because my fiance recommended this site.

i am not, nor will i ever be, a jehovah's witness.

i strongly believe it is a cult, but i also am respectful of the choice people make to associate themselves within the witness "world.

JAG913

Thank you all again for the encouragement. My fiance and I have talked at length about all of your thoughts and both feel so much more comfortable with our decision.

Ironically, my future MIL called me tonight. She wanted to talk about the baby and our wills(?). I made it clear she will never have custody of our child, but I updated her on his new milestones (he turned 6 months old today ). This time she did not ask to see the baby, or us, but said she enjoyed talking to me and would call again soon. She asked me to send her a copy of his 6 month photo's we're having taken soon. I said I would. When she started to talk about my fiance I cut her off. She wasn't being overly negative, but I wasn't even opening the door. I think that is how I will handle things from now on... just don't open the door enough for the problems to arise. It was much easier to take a firm stance tonight. I do not mind her wanting pictures or to hear about our son. If she stays the 30 minute drive away and just gets pics and the occasional update... I am happy.

This phone call really upset my fiance. It's harder to deal with when it's in your face (the phone call) then when we don't hear from them. I told him he should write his story on here, and he just did (My Story by Crank!!!).

It's so nice to have this type of support, and I know he will get the same kindness on here that I have received. My family is supportive and loves him dearly, but they also can't relate. I see the hurt and pain and experience some of my own, but I'll never truly understand what he's going through either. I'm just thankful that most of you can.

- Jaime

39

Advice for a non-witness dealing with a fiance's witness family

by JAG913 in

jw
friends

my name is jaime and i'm here because my fiance recommended this site.

i am not, nor will i ever be, a jehovah's witness.

i strongly believe it is a cult, but i also am respectful of the choice people make to associate themselves within the witness "world.

JAG913

Thank you all so much for the encouraging advice.

Yes, my fiance was indeed baptizied at the age of 10. He slowly faded from the organization and avoided the elders as they came knocking on our apartment door and calling his cell phone to try and find him. He chose to do it this way so that he was not DF'd, but just "inactive." We wanted to ensure his family could have a place in our lives if they chose to.

In our September conversation we set those very firm guidelines, and haven't seen her since. She recently had lunch with my fiance, but took that hour not to ask how her son or grandson were, but to berate him about his life choices. I know she is displeased with our choices, but neither of us is budging on this. She wants to take our son to the zoo this summer, ABSOLUTELY NOT. At 1 year old, she can't really influence him as he won't understand her... but what if they got in a car accident? I can't trust her to care for him the way I would, and I'm not risking her making the decision in my absence (in regards to blood). I have already made the decision that she will never be left alone with him, or allowed to watch him.

I've never been in this situation before and it seems so extremist. The relationship between her and her son is for them to work through, I support my fiance. But I will not stand idly by and listen to her belittle him. But my son is a different story, it is I who makes the decision and am charged with caring for him. I have made it perfectly clear that anyone discussing religion with him and filling his head with stories and fears will not be tolerated and they will NEVER see him again if this happens even once. I also made it clear that the only time he will ever be in a kingdom hall will be for her funeral (said verbatim). I will not go back on this. I hope it's been made clear.

I appreciate the encouragement... it's a hard decision to make in "cutting off" a family member. But what Nugget said hit the nail on the head... I would never leave my son with a drunk or drug addict, and this would/could be hurting him just as severely. A broken leg heals quicker than emotional damage. I already don't know how to explain her relationship with her own son when he gets older and questions things... "Grandma won't talk to Daddy because he had you?" Yeah, like that isn't baggage! I also won't have my child used as a pawn. It's amazing that they would miss out on the life of an little boy just to further an agenda... why would anyone knowingly join such an organization that does this to families and people? I can see being raised this way you don't know any different, but to join mid-life, what the heck?

As I said, thank you so much for the encouragement and kind words. It makes me feel even more comfortable and justified in my decision. My fiance and I both believe this is their choice, they have the ability to be a part of our lives, they have decided not to. But, it's hard on my fiance, and that breaks my heart. To hear them say they aren't happy the baby was born and they will not congratulate him... sickens me. What do I say to him to help? I stand by his side, listen and do what I can. But really what do you say? I guess I'm so new to this whole organization and mind control, it's hard to get used to...

Thanks,

Jaime

39

Advice for a non-witness dealing with a fiance's witness family

by JAG913 in

jw
friends

my name is jaime and i'm here because my fiance recommended this site.

i am not, nor will i ever be, a jehovah's witness.

i strongly believe it is a cult, but i also am respectful of the choice people make to associate themselves within the witness "world.

JAG913

Hello,

My name is Jaime and I'm here because my fiance recommended this site. I am not, nor will I ever be, a Jehovah's Witness. I strongly believe it is a cult, but I also am respectful of the choice people make to associate themselves within the Witness "world." I've been researching these websites and am truthfully looking for advice on how to handle my fiance's family of Witnesses. Here's a little background...

I met my fiance 2 years ago at work. We began dating quietly, as he knew his family would not approve of him dating a non-witness. His Mom became a witness in her late teens and raised his family as very devout followers. Matt, my fiance, went along with it as a child and as he grew a mind of us own around 15, started to disagree with pivotal practices/beliefs. He kept this to himself, but began living his life as he chose, not as a witness. His family didn't realize he wasn't a believer until 2009.

As we dated, we quickly fell in love and realized we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. I started learning about the witness religion so that I would better understand where he came from and could relate easier to the family opinions. I made it clear I wouldn't become a witness, but I was open to learning about it (BIG MISTAKE). After a few months, we came clean to his family that we were dating and we intended to spend our lives together. This was a very big ordeal. His family stated they would spend time with us each individually, but not together, and that most would probably not attend our wedding when it happened because they didn't agree with us being together. They loved me and thought I was great for him, but the religion would not allow them to support us. I thought this was ludicrous, however I was respectful of their wishes and still saw his Mom and Sister occasionally.

Fast forward a few months - Matt and I began living together and were very happy. We found out we were expecting a baby, which was a very unplanned suprise! I was raised as a Christian and he a Witness, so we knew that being unmarried and pregnant was going to be a big deal. When we told Matt's family they were highly disrespectful of me. I figured it was anger, frustration and dissapointment so I chose to ignore it and move past it. The farther along in the pregnancy we got, the more demanding his family became. They were berating us because we made it clear we were not raising the baby as a witness. We would celebrate holidays, birthdays, etc. Our child would be allowed to go to school, college, play in sports, etc. All of which Matt was not allowed to do as it would have taken away from his studies of Jehovah (Matt was homeschooled and not allowed in any organized sports as a child). His Mother gave me documentation on how everything I do is pagan (holidays) and was very disrespectful of my beliefs. I finally had it, and stopped responding to everyone. She then showed up on my door when I was 37 weeks pregnant and on bedrest for high blood pressure and demanded I talk to her about it. I made it clear I wasn't raising this baby as a witness and she would be welcome in the child's life to the best of her abilities. She agreed she would see the baby but made it clear that since we were not married yet, etc. the entire family would no longer support Matt. They never came to a baby shower, etc. because it was supporting Matt as well.

We delivered a perfect healthy little boy on July 30, 2010. She was at the hospital when he was born and got to see/hold him. She began visiting every other week to see the baby, but only when Matt was not home. She would belittle Matt in conversation, taking digs whenever she could. It was very uncomfortable for me, and really upsetting. Despite me asking her to stop, she continued to do this on each visit. It came to a head at the end of September and we told her that it was an situation that we could no longer live with. If she wanted to be a part of our lives, it had to include all of us. Granted, she didn't want to go out in social settings, etc. but we told her we would meet her at the park, have her over for dinner, whatever we could compromise on. She could still come out when it was convienient (if Matt wasn't there) but that it couldn't be only that. We asked her to do something with us 1 time from October - December, and she said no. It was too much. We saw her at a funeral and one other time, but otherwise we have not seen her since September (on a time she actually wanted to see the baby).

She started calling again recently to see our son. I do not know what to say. How do you meet in the middle with someone like this? She claims she didn't come around for 3 months because she "couldn't bear to see us celebrating Thanksgiving and Christmas" knowing it was so wrong in her eyes. Ok, you didn't want to come see our Christmas tree, I respect that. However you didn't call for 3 months either? But now she cares? I don't know how to make this work. To argue with her isn't going to get us anywhere, she isn't going to budge on her religous views. But neither am I.

So, I guess I'm looking for advice on how to handle this family. My fiance is so sick of them that he doesn't care anymore if we ever see them again. However, I feel bad for both of them. I know it hurts him tremendously to be treated this way, but he loves his true family, me and our son, more than anything and we are truly happy. We have everything the storybooks are written about, as cheesy as it sounds. I feel like it's left to me to maintain some sort of relationship with them, but I don't know if I should. It's very strained. I am not worried about explaining to my son why his Grandma won't come to Christmas or his Birthday party, I can handle that. But what about explaining why he's not important enough to spend time with - to come to his baseball games, encourage his spelling bees, etc. These things she isn't willing to do. So do I keep pushing for a relationship with her and have my son suffer, or will she possibly come around? Do these people (witnesses) ever change in regards to family?

I guess I'm just looking for advice on how to handle them. I don't understand how this cult can brainwash so many people, but my son also won't be a part of it. So, I appreciate any advice or tips that anyone can share. I know I'm not the only person that's been in this situation, so I'm just hoping someone out there can maybe shed some light on ideas to make it work. I appreciate you reading my story and look forward to suggestions.

- Jaime