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Voices
JoinedPosts by Voices
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How does one Transcend Flesh? AGuest
by Voices ini could ask this question to aguest directly, but, i guess it would better if i just put it on the board for everyone to understand cause i'm not sure.. .
we are fleshly, and love our flesh... 'no man has hated his own flesh...he feeds it etc..' (i'm probably misquoting).
now when it comes to pleasure ...taste, sight, hearing, touch, smell...those are all fleshly things.
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How does one Transcend Flesh? AGuest
by Voices ini could ask this question to aguest directly, but, i guess it would better if i just put it on the board for everyone to understand cause i'm not sure.. .
we are fleshly, and love our flesh... 'no man has hated his own flesh...he feeds it etc..' (i'm probably misquoting).
now when it comes to pleasure ...taste, sight, hearing, touch, smell...those are all fleshly things.
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Voices
I could ask this question to Aguest directly, but, I guess it would better if I just put it on the board for everyone to understand cause i'm not sure.
We are fleshly, and love our flesh... 'no man has hated his own flesh...he feeds it etc..' (i'm probably misquoting). Maybe some more than others. Now when it comes to pleasure ...taste, sight, hearing, touch, smell...those are all fleshly things. (there probably is the same thing in the spirit sense...but lets just talk about the physical) how do you allow yourself to transcend that? do you cut off your desire from Tasting something delicious like the monks do? Do you cut off your desire to be intimate sexually as married couples do? Is it wrong to prefer a rose over a trash can? or hear classical music compared to death metal? or seeing something beautiful versus ugly. What is it that is required to do? I understand communion...and obeying the voice when it's heard, But if you've got the curtain between you and God (flesh) how do you transcend that flesh? It is done in spirit and Truth, but how does one get there?
what kind of mentality is required for you to 'put off your flesh' ...cause the monks, nuns, and all the others do it. Monks use to put ashes on their food so that they wouldn't enjoy it and would force themselves to put off their taste by this method...what does it mean to put off the flesh...exactly and how is it done?
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Counseling and Therapy
by Voices indoes anyone know how to get funding for counseling?
sliding scale therapist don't do it for me.
i don't feel like they know what they're talking about.
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Voices
Does ANYONE know how to get funding for counseling? Sliding scale therapist don't do it for me. I don't feel like they know what they're talking about. Does anyone have any experience in finding funding for therapy? i'm trying to get neurofeedback ...particular with PTSD
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My brother is now being trained as a Circut Overseer.
by Voices ini received a phone call from my mother (who is still a jw, but very accepting of me still as her loving son, even though i was disfellowshiped for questioning the oranization and choosing the bible over the watchtower at that time).
she makes normal talk, just regular stuff pertaining to situations of ours.
about me coming to visit, and or her coming.
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Voices
Freedom isn't so free when you're control and enslaved by limited thing such as 'you're not going to amount to anything, you are slaved here slaved there...you're fucked here and there...you can't do anything right, you can't do anything because ultimately you'll FAIL"
I've tried yoga, exercising, rock climbing, video games, music creation, etc..etc..etc..
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My brother is now being trained as a Circut Overseer.
by Voices ini received a phone call from my mother (who is still a jw, but very accepting of me still as her loving son, even though i was disfellowshiped for questioning the oranization and choosing the bible over the watchtower at that time).
she makes normal talk, just regular stuff pertaining to situations of ours.
about me coming to visit, and or her coming.
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Voices
"it ain't real."
A lot of times , i've seen that people become what they think they are. Not always (dementia isn't correct) ....confidence thinking, even false turns into positiveness. and i just cant seem to get it
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My brother is now being trained as a Circut Overseer.
by Voices ini received a phone call from my mother (who is still a jw, but very accepting of me still as her loving son, even though i was disfellowshiped for questioning the oranization and choosing the bible over the watchtower at that time).
she makes normal talk, just regular stuff pertaining to situations of ours.
about me coming to visit, and or her coming.
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Voices
MiseryLoves: "Sure you're not being overly self conscious?"
The people I know that started us out on, for years i've been thinking that's what THEY are thinking. We were VERY well known in our congregation, because we were trying to 'serve jehovah' ......there's a huge story as to our struggling....we were popular cause of our 'struggle' ...because our parents weren't jw's.. we were the 'brothers' known...etc. And it's those people that know our story, that are hearing this, that i consider still to be some of my family...that i know are thinking this...Almost like i can hear their voices.
LostGeneration: I don't know how or if he feels the imprisionment. But I know what he IS recieving. Praise. To someone that suffers from GREAT lack of self-esteem, and can't see straight through the anger and confusion...Believe you, me.... Praise.....confidence...self-worth...friends...'family' ...means the world...
Alfred: Thank you, I appreciate your kind words. It's just troubling that i'm struggling here...and there's a huge despair in my sins...and entrapped and slaved by it, that it's bothersome.
Minimus: I don't envy him being a C.O. I'm jealous that i'm struggling and wanting things like self-worth, confidence, PRIASE and positive affirmations, etc...that I DESPERATELY crave and need...and he gets them for free! WHILE I STRUGGLE MY ASS THROUGH THERAPY.
Mag: Yes i am thankful of this, But I just want my ptsd and BPD and depression gone. i want my misery gone, I want confidence...in addition to all that I have. To bring about my PEACE of mind and heart. My girlfriend...is a touchy subject though.
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My brother is now being trained as a Circut Overseer.
by Voices ini received a phone call from my mother (who is still a jw, but very accepting of me still as her loving son, even though i was disfellowshiped for questioning the oranization and choosing the bible over the watchtower at that time).
she makes normal talk, just regular stuff pertaining to situations of ours.
about me coming to visit, and or her coming.
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Voices
I received a phone call from my mother (who is still a JW, but VERY accepting of me still as her loving son, even though i was disfellowshiped for questioning the oranization AND choosing the bible over the watchtower at that time). She makes normal talk, just regular stuff pertaining to situations of ours. About me coming to visit, and or her coming. We're solidfying plans and everything and she says 'oh but i'm gonna be alone for 3 months with your sister' ....what? why? 'you're brother is going to NY to study' .....i was like 'oh! ok...?' ...and i thought he was going to a university cause he was studying architecture. And she says 'He's going to be a circut overseer' ......i was like WHAT THE F#%@.
i didn't object...I said 'oh ok...well alright..' And i became upset... Here was my life...outside the jw religion suffering from PTSD and BPD trying to get therapy for all that bullsh*t..and my brother is getting more and more praise...getting up into the religion more...and now a circut overseer. Now he's going to go and be praised by everyone and i can already hear the voices of people saying 'see? at least out of the two brothers, we got one good seed' ....and if they saw me, they'd be like 'look at him, he has long hair and a beard, so WORLDLY' (even though I believe Christ had long hair and beard, even if i'm wrong, it doesn't make it 'wrong' to have long hair and beards )
And I confess I became jealous....Not because he's to be a circut overseer. But it felt like everything good is happening in his life, while i suffer with ptsd and BPD and living a life of shit. i don't do drugs, i don't drink (i've been fighting that craving for a few years now) ...not that i am an alocholic, but one day i had a bad day, andi really wanted to drink...and i realized i was trying to drown my problems, and i made the deicision not to jump on that. I've come close...but i'm good. And of course my girlfriend doesn't want me to drink.
You see, my brother is the 'alpha male' ...somehow, the 'alpha male' trait dodged me. He's got so many things going for him, and i gotta deal with this bs therapy thing. People would say 'well your brother is definately not in the clear either, he probably has the same problems' ... somehow it's different. He's getting things...confidence...self-esteem elevation...positive affirmations, positive things... And i'm stuck in negativity. I'm so upset. And then t here's the idea 'God and it's ALL set on the jw religion!...it's part of the Advesary's plot!'
I got too much 'sin' in me and 'bad habits' that i can't seem to break...So it's all my fault anyway...But hell, not liek it freaking matters...
I'm SICK of being me. If i was anyone ELSE but me, ..maybe i'd feel better.
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About Therapy/Counseling
by Mad Sweeney inif it becomes obvious to strangers on an internet message board that you should get therapy/counseling:.
my wife and i are in therapy both separately and together.
we're not crazy; we're getting help talking through issues we've never had to face before from a professional who knows how to talk us through things.
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Voices
Lady Lee:
"There are some really good self help workbooks that you might want to get. Ideally you use them in conjunction with therapy but sometimes we do what we have to do to progress. Off the top of my head I can think of the Anxiety and Phobia Workbook, and the PTSD Workbook."
I am working on ...or started on Dialectical Behavioral Workbook. I thank you for the recommendations. I'll look into them, when I have some extra cash to spend. The problems with work book is i get to this certain part where my despair over takes me and it's just sitting there almost mocking me saying 'see? i told you, you can't do anything right, and i told you, you wont change' ... and I don't see any progress. And when I do see progress, it takes only ONE instance where I get the severe attack or situation that spirals out of control into tears, or severe depression etc.. to reinstate that 'See! I told you! you weren't going to make it' .....and of course it wont go away...that thought will continue to torment me. Call it the devil, call it my negative side, call it whatever you want...the TRUTH of the situation becomes embedded into those words... 'see! i told you, look at what just happened...you STILL felt the same way...what PROGRESS have I seen? NOTHING, you STILL feel that as strongly.'
And saying 'SHUT UP! GO AWAY ...I REBUKE YOU SATAN!' .......doesn't work. The feeling of DESPAIR does not leave, NOR does the depression. Once it happens, it only REINFORCES the failure ...that states your mind cannot be under control and you wont EVER heal.
Me
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About Therapy/Counseling
by Mad Sweeney inif it becomes obvious to strangers on an internet message board that you should get therapy/counseling:.
my wife and i are in therapy both separately and together.
we're not crazy; we're getting help talking through issues we've never had to face before from a professional who knows how to talk us through things.
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Voices
2nd Edit to add and change:
i'm trying to rephrase this, because i'm angry...and i don't want to shred and tear someone i don't know apart. but saying :
"GET THERAPY! If strangers are telling you, you need therapy, get it! and those that don't bother are doing a disservice to the world around them " (not exact quote, my firefox wont copy and past)
bothered me...as i've struggled and continue to struggle..
Like i said, i'm open to anyone willing to help pay (don't worry i don't expect you to)...hell, you can even sit with me to know i'm legitimate or not. And i've NEVER EVER asked anyone to help me pay. Quite frankly, when i begged people to help me, i was begging for explainations...answers...assurance...(read A LOT OF SELF-HELP books) help with anything i was FREAKING out about, anything that explains WHY I am the way I am and help in other ways. It had nothing to do with money...
I also asked for help like my prevoius post on anxiety and fear, although that wasn't as severe as i've gotten when begging for help. It was still a sharp , silent cry.
Maybe i'm just having another moment.
I miss God. I can't/don't do things right. i fall into the same crap blinded by my problems and the lack of faith. It's not so much that my problems are SO HUGE that God or his Son can't take my problems away. It's that i'm in a vicious cycle of pain that I end up hurting myself in the end, and feel hopeless because i'm controlled by my subconscious mind/faults and that just end up ruining my life and there's so much despair in that. But don't worry, i'm still seeking therapy.
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About Therapy/Counseling
by Mad Sweeney inif it becomes obvious to strangers on an internet message board that you should get therapy/counseling:.
my wife and i are in therapy both separately and together.
we're not crazy; we're getting help talking through issues we've never had to face before from a professional who knows how to talk us through things.
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Voices
I originally had written a post that personally described EVERYTHING I wanted to say about this post and the presumption made in this post. However, the internet connection (ironically) severed and I didn't know, so when i hit 'submit' ....it lost everything I said. Now i'm a bit more calm...so i'm going to say my piece about this thread:
I was very upset about this post. I have struggled with the idea of therapy for the last 2 years. For the longest time I had no clue what was wrong with me. I struggled with my anxiety, fear, and hopelessness. The despair that has built up only is the product of my lack of faith that i lost over the years because of the lack of support i've received, and my own personal hardships and inability to focus towards the future. when you have despair, nothing seems to work right. I've BEGGED and pleaded people to help me. I've gone to doctors been on Ativan and therapy counseling that work on a 'sliding scale' ONLY to tell my OWN therapist what was wrong wtih me in the end. I diagnoised myself and SHE confirmed and said she made a mistake and thought i was paranoid personality disorder. I researched and found out that I had 9 out of 9 symptoms, but this was the secondary nature of my problem to the primary root problem and the primary had evolved into the secondary. It wasn't shown or revealed to me by some THERAPIST.My root problem was revealed to me bya friend of mine, maybe my mentor. A dear friend who had gone through something similar and recognized the symptoms. And being able to reveal tha tinformation, opened up the door to be able to see things more clearly. It explained why i do the things i do, why i feel the way i feel, think th eway i think and so forth. However, having being painted red with this disorder, it's intensely difficult to get rid of paint. See there's not 'pain thinner/paint thinner' for PTSD and BPD. And As i begged people to help me, continually in my therapy and the lack of support I received except for a hand few for a short while, the despair built up even more. Because THERAPY IS EXPENSIVE. And the SLIDING scale therapist...don't know what they're talking about. I had to TELL MY therapist that i diagnoised what was wrong with me, and SHE confirmed and told me her own presumption and prediagnosis wasn't right and that this makes more sense. See i've been to friends, maybe religion... spiritual healers, i've been to therapists, teacher/professors, message boards, internet searches, group meeting, etc.. and ALL that is became INCREASINGLY futile. And that adds to the DESPAIR that you feel. The despair of 'you're always going to be like this. You'll continue to work on this until nothing will change, and you will DIE, alone, begging people to help you and no one will. And when you do it alone, you wont get anywhere' I'm even TRYING invest a little money in the stocks to hopefully make something more in return.
My rent is $815.00 my car payment AND insurance is $308.00. i'm $4,800 debt on one credit card $980.00 on another credit card. My student loan is $14k that i'm paying off. My water bill is roughly $30.00 a month. i can't afford cable tv, i have an electric bill that's past due and the next two paychecks are already set on the next months rent and student loan payments, the third paycheck is for car and car insurance and the last paycheck is to pay off some debt. My Care Credit (dental) is behind. etc.. i make roughly 1600-2000 a month. This does not account for FOOD that i need, and other necessities (gas for car, toilet paper etc..). I also support my girlfriend who lives with me, and is a college student that isn't working right now due to schooling and other issues ...that of course i need THERAPY FOR. I am also trying desperately to sell my prized musical possession...my Yamaha XS8 ...brand new...barely used...for $2200 (i paid $3,339.00). but no takers... I bought it years ago and of course i didn't have the debt I have now when i originalyl bought it. but no takers...My girlfriend is thrilled about this because she wants me to keep it to pursue music, but i'm freaking out.
This is the part where people say 'you know, there are these 'free' services that are offered and free things that you can do ...PTSD meeting groups or whatever or DBT meetings.'
i say: I live in a city where none of that is capable. i've searched. The nearest city is an HOUR away ...thats 20 dollars one way for gas. and thus far the 'free services' are not effective. They are 'free' for a reason, at LEAST with what i've dealt with. the bottom line is:
Sometimes, people are BEGGING AND SCREAMING for help and assistance, and no one is listening. and then i saw a thread like this. This bothered me. I am open to anyone willin to pay for my therapy. There are therapist in my area, but i don't exactly have the money per visit to my fiances. and I don't want to continue to spend years with someone who isn't experienced.
I use to have money to spend on things...concerts and stuff...but i don't anymore. I moved out of my house and live in my own place and for now i'm too far away from home, and have someone i'm with here, who is the only source of my joy. I asked nicely before about anxiety and fear (and though this may not necessarily be what this thread is about)...in hopes someone might help give me some pointers...and i actually had to respond to a blank thread 12 hours later, pointing out that there was no responses, to get responses. (and to those that did, thank you, i bid you well, it gave me some hope that people actually do care about me) ....but now i'm just hurt. (and of course anger rises when i'm hurt) Because I feel that people are just not listening. .
i'm trying to rephrase this, because i'm angry...and i don't want to shred and tear someone i don't know apart. but saying :
Just saying GET THERAPY! If strangers are telling you, you need therapy, get it! and those that don't bother are doing a disservice to the world around them
bothered me...as i've struggled.