Posts by feenx

28

To tell my parents or not to tell my parents...unfortunately that is a question

by feenx in

jw
friends

i could use some perspective on something i'm struggling with.

first off, a little background info.

i am an only child and my parents, in addition to quite difficult circumstances we've all experienced, both personally and as a family while i was growing up, remain devout.

feenx

hmm....for some reason the rest of my post got cut off. Anyways, I was asking the forum for some perspective. As a parent, what would you want? Anyone out there who has been a similar situation? Am I making too much out of this? Too little? I'm tired of feeling like utter crap when it comes to my parents and I want to find a good place to be in mentally and emotionally with it all, especially approaching a brand new part of my life...

28

To tell my parents or not to tell my parents...unfortunately that is a question

by feenx in

jw
friends

i could use some perspective on something i'm struggling with.

first off, a little background info.

i am an only child and my parents, in addition to quite difficult circumstances we've all experienced, both personally and as a family while i was growing up, remain devout.

feenx

I could use some perspective on something I'm struggling with. First off, a little background info. I am an only child and my parents, in addition to quite difficult circumstances we've all experienced, both personally and as a family while I was growing up, remain devout. My father is an elder and they attend a foreign language congregation. I have been DF'd for 7 years now. In that time I have had quite sporadic contact with my parents, up until about a year and half ago when after a couple of unpleasant confrontations with my mother (by this point I hadn't spoken with my dad in quite a while already) she cut off communication completely, stating that only in an emergency was there to be any contact. Based on some past behavior, such as my father not telling me when my mother had been admitted to the hospital, I have essentially taken that to mean the next time I heard from either of them, or anyone who knows them, would be in the event of a death. This is the mode I have been operating on, in terms of family, since my mother told me this.

The dilemma that I'm facing now is I recently got engaged, and I'm not sure whether or not to tell my parents, and I'm also not sure whether or not I even want to. There's a part of that thinks perhaps this will be a large enough event that they will have some desire to be a part of things, or work on our relationship, or at least be supportive from afar. There's another part of me that is a bit more cynical, and feels that we all know how things work. If they made the point to specifically say no contact, if they've already taken it that far, then there's nothing that will deviate them from that.

I think too whether or not I want them at the wedding, and I honestly can't say. Part of me would love for them to share in that beautiful day. Another part of me doesn't want a very hurtful part of my past present at a ceremony celebrating my future. And especially if they wouldn't be there in support, but more out of morbid curiosity, I don't want them there either.

A friend of mine suggested that perhaps this is a situation where even though I am the son I need to step up and be the bigger person, perhaps reach out, see if they want to meet on nuetral ground, don't even mention anything about the past, and just try and be positive about now and the future and hope they respond, before I completely write them off. Because at least then I could say I tried.

Part of me thinks my friend is right, and part of me is being selfish, and feeling like the child, and is angry and resentful that I have to make the effort at all. They're the ones that scarred the relationship, why should I have to grovel, and with a large event in my life to boot, to get some kind of affection, support or involvement from them?

And in the end, what am I REALLY going to get, if anything, from them? Lets say they did agree to see me, we met, talked, they had some level of interest in my life and my marriage. Am I ever going to have the relationship with them that I want? Or will it be like it was before, only amplified, where I felt like I constantly have to justify my life to them and inevitably always felt like complete sh*t after seeing them?

Once we're married the birth control will stop and sooner than I think I will have a child of my own. Do I want their disproval or potential negativity in my head when I introduce a little person to this world? I don't know.

My fiance last night was very supportive and said it's ok to be selfish, no one would judge me if I didn't contact my parents, and it's ok to not know what I want to do, if anything, right now. There's nothing wrong with that. I know she is right.

I had a hard time with it last night, and woke up this morning feeling terrible. I am living a good and happy life, and yet when it comes to my parents I feel like an utter failure and a complete tool. Sometimes I want to drive to their house, ring the be

25

Do you belive in UFO's?

by highdose in

jw
friends

as jw's we were meant to say no, but as free thinking people, i wonder what your opionion is?.

feenx

I COMPLETELY agree with xcellxior! It's always seemed a bit closed minded, even arrogant, to me to think that in all the vastness of the universe it's all about one god and one devil, over a few measly humans and this third rock from the sun. Really?..........really?? C'mon now people.

20

Le sigh. Disfellowshipped.

by hecouldbewrong in

jw
friends

i got banned from exjehovahswitnessforum.

the yuku site.

comfort me..

feenx

It sarcasm is what got you banned than I say good job!

To date my favorite T-Shirt of mine, for years, is the one that says:

"Tact is for people not witty enough to be sarcastic"

9

I got engaged this weekend!

by feenx in

jw
friends

i popped the question and got a yes!

i have to say, it's a bit surreal.

being raised a jw, being out now for 7 years and gradually adjusting to "normal" life.

feenx

I popped the question and got a yes! :)

I have to say, it's a bit surreal. Being raised a JW, being out now for 7 years and gradually adjusting to "normal" life. Having had relationships as well as encounters (not simultaneously thank you) with "wordly" women...and now getting engaged is all part of this journey since the exodus from the WTBS. It was a little odd too thinking about a wedding and such knowing my parents will most likely not be there. Hearing my fiance on the phone with her mother, knowing that was not a phone call I could make.

Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy and not trying to pull a pity party by any means. Really it's more of an odd observation, that truly a beautiful and important step in my life is something the parental units by choice won't be sharing in.

I'm truly tired of feeling bad about it, or sad for myself. I now am rejoicing in my happiness, and I know that the family I am building will never turn out the way things did with my folks.

So yay for this lil JW boy, who might just be growing up a bit ;)

4

When did you know you had to stop drinking or smoking out? Did it help?

by wanderlustguy in

jw
friends

i haven't written one of these in a really long time.

i have asked myself that question many time over the past couple of years.

i started smoking pot when i moved to a state that allows it.

feenx

I concur with Satanus. Unfortunately many times people tend to blame the substance, whether it's alcohol, pot, cigarettes, food, sugar, TV, internet, video games, etc. rather than taking responsibility personally. I too am a habitual smoker (1-2 bowls per day on average) and alcohol enthusiast (not getting plowed everynight, or even drinking every night, but probably 5 nights out of a 7 day week). I've also worried about it and asked myself if I'm over indulging. As ironic as it is considering that my JW elder father doesn't speak to me and how much we butted heads growing up, one of the things that he was ALWAYS trying to drill into my head that I resisted, yet now later in life am a big believer in is BALANCE. Everything needs balance. Why do we partake in the substances we do? Because they're fun, we enjoy them. That's the whole point. Why do we work? To enable the fun times (not just toking up, fun times in general). Both the serious and the fun need balance. And balance comes from the person, not the substance. Quitting everything completely because the substance itselt is bad, in my opinion, is not the answer. If you personally feel that more attention needs to be placed on work or having more focus, that's one thing, and it's important, but really doesn't have anything to do with the substance itself. If you still get enjoyment out of it, then perhaps a bit more balance is needed. Simple as that.

Also I have a friend who at one point in life was drinking quite a bit and went down the AA route. She says that their definitions of an alcoholic are quite skewed and in hindsight feels that they took the act of abstaining from alcohol and other substances and turned THAT into a drug of it's own. She doesn't feel it gave her what she needed, even though she stuck with it for a while. Now that she's older she's been able to find a good balance and because she's taken the time to dig within herself and face the issues that were really causing the heavy drinking in the first place she's been able to grow and mature as a person. Yes, people can physically get addicted to something, but it's still that person who got addicted. Don't put the responsibility on the substance, WE as people need to own up to our behavior.

SO with that, take a breath, relax, don't stress, have A puff and enjoy knowing tomorrow you'll have a clear head and can kick ass with your work :)

143

Does anyone think that maybe we're just wrong?

by paul from cleveland in

jw
friends

i was disfellowshipped in 1995. even though i lost my friends and family, i felt like i had been finally set free and was happy for many years.

while i was a jehovah's witness, i always felt so miserable.

i never felt like i was doing enough to please jehovah.

feenx

I agree with Keyser Soze. Perfectly normal, nothing wrong with it, but I think it's important to realize (no matter what decision you finally make) that right now you are reacting to fear, rather than being objective and proactive. Now is a good time to stop, tell yourself to put your fears on hold. Just put them aside (they'll be there when it's time to re-visit them). It's ok to let them go, to take a fear vacation so to speak. Once you do that, really dive in to information. Independent info, not stuff from sites like this or from the WTBS. Read, write, learn. I know we were all taught to think the only "research" that was possible on such topics was through the organization. But there's an entire world of books out there. Start crackin 'em open. And remember, you don't have to make a decision right away. You don't have to see or hear something and immediately process and move it into the pro or con JW columns. Simply take it all in.

3

Feeling sad and completely drained

by feenx in

jw
friends

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feenx

So last night, on deadline, I finished my short screenplay, summary, character breakdown and bio and sent it all in for submission to a local production company who was/is running a contest. My story was about a young boy and his experiences in a morning of service. It's called Door to Door. Oddly enough I was not anticipating this strong of an emotional reaction. I had to stick to contest guidelines which specified not to go over 15 pages. But even in those 15 pages I found myself completely thrown back to childhood memories.

Now, after completing and submitting it, I find myself feeling sad, overall. I am quite happy in my life now and have some very wonderful things in it. Overall I feel I am also in a good place when it comes to my past and also my new life since getting the boot from the organization. I'm proud of myself for the growth and self change I've experienced, and having the courage to truly look at things, specifically in this instance related to JW beliefs, the bible, god, etc., and make my own decisions that are right for me.

But something out there like a script for the purpose of getting it independently made is turning out to be more intense than I thought. Not only is it a piece of me out there as I am the writer, but it's a story that brings me back to that time when as a kid going in service was a normal thing, but that never made it feel good. You would think I would feel incredibly happy right now, having expressed myself in a healthy way and being able to revel in my new life and the fact that I will never have to do that again. But good holy god, I feel like I just got bitch slapped by my past.

Has anyone else had similar feelings? I know I can't be the only person here who has incorporated their JW past into some kind of creative means.

Do you remember as a child feeling so obscure and strange while out in service, yet knowing there was nothing you could do about it?

44

A sincere question to active JW's

by feenx in

jw
friends

a recent post displayed a letter written by a current elder.

it got me thinking about active jw's in general, and i am quite curious, in a genuine and sincere manner, how one deals with curiosity and sincere questions and/or concerns about the organization.

in my experience, as with the people i grew up with who now are also out of the organization, we experienced extreme supression while inside.

feenx

A recent post displayed a letter written by a current Elder. It got me thinking about active JW's in general, and I am quite curious, in a genuine and sincere manner, how one deals with curiosity and sincere questions and/or concerns about the organization. In my experience, as with the people I grew up with who now are also out of the organization, we experienced extreme supression while inside. Suppression of thought and emotion. We all had quite extenuating circumstances that led to our exodus, e.g. 2 of us sustaining childhood sexual abuse, to an extreme degree, and one of us finally came out of the closet. But I truly wonder about the friends I lost, and others in general, who for the most part did not have traumatic experiences and now how they wrap their head around the organization.

Even a simple and genuine question of any teaching or directive from the FDS can and likely will be taken as a form of apostasy. It's a very fine line between meditation and faith strengthening, and stumbling with inclinations of dissention.

So I really wonder, how do you, as an active Witness and earnestly striving to serve Jehovah, internally process and deal with any questions as they arise? Do you allow yourself, even if only in your own mind, to really think about and objectively analyze things? Or perhaps you strive to strengthen your faith in the sense that even if at any moment you don't quite understand something you remain confident that in the end everything will work out?

Please don't this question in any kind of confrontational way, as that is not my intent.

Namaste

29

What was going on this past week with the JW's?

by Melody Blankenship in

jw
friends

they were not "open for business" on thursday or sunday.

was there a convention going on somewhere?

.

feenx

yes! court papers served are always interesting...