Posts by Imnostranger

16

Relationship guru's needed

by Imnostranger in

hello folks.

i'm not really a newbie - you guys know me by another name.

i used another screen name for purposes of anonymity.

Beebee - Great advice about underestimating the importance of sex in a LTR. She and I have discussed it. In the past it basically has gotten swept under the rug. Because of the outside attraction I have it has become a very hot topic and we have been talking about a lot of things. I don't think "working on it" would help much at this point - Its more about chemistry that is missing on my part - and I don't think I can create that. My hope with therapy was that if we improved our emotional intimacy - the bedroom intimacy would improve too.

6of9 -My past sexual relationships have been pretty steamy. My last gf and I had hot sex - but she was crazy and mean - so that ended. I guess that's why I've been so appreciative of this safe, stable, caring woman.

Pettygrudger - Also good advice - I don't want to "deal" with it forever. Thanks for helping with my guilt - I do feel guilty and sad...and a bit shallow about the whole thing. I also don't think its realistic to be with someone I need to jump every time they walk through the door -- but I do remember my lovers kisses being a consistent turn on - and I would like to have that again.

Kat2u - Her kisses were always "nice" - but never really took my breath away. Its been downhill in this dept. for at least a year.

Pink -- You are SO right about the chemistry. I have also wondered if we are actually best friends. What's confusing is that I don't generally enjoy cuddling with my friends like I do with her.

Jwbot - I agree totally. If someone told me the sex part didn't work for them - I'd be GONE. It would be way too painful to be rejected that way. That's why I feel so bad about the whole thing and wish I could fix it.

Thanks again for all your help and validation. I feel a bit better.

16

Relationship guru's needed

by Imnostranger in

hello folks.

i'm not really a newbie - you guys know me by another name.

i used another screen name for purposes of anonymity.

Imnostranger

i was involved with someone for a long time, then found myself attracted to someone else, so he recommended therapy. i told him everything about this other person, because it was my moral obligation

Did your relationship work? Did your attraction eventually go away?

Why do you think she needs to know that the other girl is attracted to me? We have agreed to no contact with each other. I think that's important.

16

Relationship guru's needed

by Imnostranger in

hello folks.

i'm not really a newbie - you guys know me by another name.

i used another screen name for purposes of anonymity.

Imnostranger

Hello Folks

I'm not really a newbie - you guys know me by another name. I used another screen name for purposes of anonymity. I want to get some advice on a sensitive issue - and appreciate your wisdom - but you just never know who's reading. When you figure out who I am PLEASE don't blurt it out for the whole world to see.

Here's my delema: I've been in a relationship with a wonderful woman for the past 2 years. She's kind, considerate, smart, etc. We have actually never had a fight or argument. Never. I have always had some hesitation about moving forward with the relationship and moving in or making a committment. The only real problem in the relationship is that I don't feel a sexual connection and we rarely have sex. When we do - it's not very satisfying to me - but I do love her and want her to be happy - so I do my best in that area. I just don't feel sexual about her - although I do find her quite attractive - which is so confusing to me.

The second part of the problem is that I met someone recently that I am attracted to and it is very distracting to me. I would never, ever, ever cheat - in fact I cut off contact with the person so that I can focus on my relationship without being so distracted. I really would not feel good about leaving my girlfriend for another girl. I want to get clear on whether this relationship is for me on its own merit - not because of other influence.

We've also started couples therapy - and my girlfriend knows about my attraction to the other girl. What she doesn't know is that the girl is attracted to me also.

All opinions and advice are welcome. Is therapy a waste of money? Are we doomed? Am I scum for being attracted to someone else?

THanks guys