The Soviet leaders had already delegated the use of nuclear weapons to local command in 1962. So in effect they had already chosen the nuclear option. It was pure luck that one officer refused to agree to the use of nuclear torpedoes. .
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vasily_Arkhipov
So I don’t know where this idea “there would have been no nuclear war” comes from. As a general statement of belief that it’s simply “incredible” somehow, it’s a very dangerous attitude, because extreme vigilance and caution is required if we are to have any hope of avoiding it long term. Complacency is disaster.
The idea that “Russia know they can’t win” has little to do with it. There are many reasons a human could convince themselves that a nuclear strike isn’t completely insane. It’s the kind of topic that can tie even the most rational of people in a logical mess. Note that even the pacifist Bertrand Russell briefly advocated a first strike against Russia because he worked himself into such a state that he concluded it might be the least worst option. The idea that Putin isn’t capable of making gross miscalculations is contradicted by the invasion of Ukraine itself. Plus if Putin is given no longer way out then, no matter how bad the odds, he may opt for a strike. In fact a good journalist, with god sources, reports soberly that those around Putin think it’s currently the plan. This is an extremely perilous situation we’re in.
titch thanks for the correction on RFK being the Attorney General.