Great site, Avishai. I'll post a bit for those who don't want to read all of it...
The Oprah Winfrey Show. 2 Four men describe how their wives hit them in the lower back with a pole, cracked them over the head or in the neck with a frying pan...the audience renews its laughter after each story. The men are part of a "PMS Men's Support Group." 
Imagine an audience of men laughing as battered women describe how their husbands threatened them with brain or spinal cord injuries by battering them over their heads or in their necks with a frying pan.
Note that all of these battered husbands are still with their wives. When a woman stays with a man who batters, we provide shelters to encourage her to escape. If she decides not to escape, we say she is a victim of "Battered Woman Syndrome."
When battered women form support groups, we call it a Battered Women's group — her victimization is cited. In the PMS Men's support group, the woman's excuse is cited — the fact that the men were battered is left out. For men, unemployment often precedes battering, but women rarely form a "Wives with Unemployed Husbands' Support Group" (no mentioning of the battering) to help them understand the cause of the battering — the unemployment. The emphasis of the men's group was on understanding, coping, changing the situation and then, if all else failed, getting out; the emphasis of battered women's groups is on getting out first, and second, locking up the problem (the man).
In brief, when women batter, men's first priority is to support the women and help them change; when men batter, women's first priority is to escape the men and put them in prison. The motto of feminists: "There is never an excuse for hitting a woman." Shouldn't it be, "There is never an excuse for hitting."? None of these distinctions were made by anyone on the show.
This hits home so hard with me. Why is society this way?
I think, at the heart of it, is the base attitude most all of us (men and women) have about women: we want to make sure they're protected. We see them as "the weaker vessel" (female bodybuilders and wrestlers notwithstanding!) The policy I was always taught was: "A man should never hit a woman." It is a stronger person taking advantage of a weaker person.
But it makes me wonder about something else. What if it's the woman taking advantage of the man? The above Oprah episode illustrates it: people chuckle about it. They joke about it. But I wonder... When a woman strikes a man, does she give up her position as "the weaker vessel?"
I mean I completely buy in to the "men should never strike a woman" policy. But doesn't that policy assume that we are still living in the age of chivalry? I believe that time, known for its showing of honor and gallantry toward women, was also a time when women wouldn't dare abusively strike a man.
I'm thankful that, when married, I always kept any anger from carrying me into physical violence--even while she, an alcoholic, was abusing me. I suppose it is that experience that brings me to the following conclusion: When a woman beats a man, she rescinds whatever expectation she may have that she will receive no such treatment in return.
I thought of this a few years ago, when I was standing in line outside of a nightclub. There was a man who was acting as the doorman, letting people in as space permitted. He was being very pleasant, chatting with those in line, letting us know what sort of wait was expected. Then a young lady walked past all of us in line and tried to sweet talk him into letting her in ahead of us. He kindly explained that while he knew this happened at some places, it did not happen there. She kept pushing, until he finally had to become firm with her. He said, "Miss, I'm sorry. There are a lot of people waiting here. If you'll wait your turn, I'm sure we'll get you in within the next thirty minutes or so, okay?"
Her response was certainly less than gracious. She kicked him with full force in his groin. His pain was clearly intense and he could no longer stand. Those standing in line, both male and female, were outraged. A man grabbed the woman by the shoulders as she tried to slip away. He didn't hit her, but you can bet the whole group was clamoring for him too. The lady in front of me said, "I hope he smacks her up good."
How do you feel about this? While violence can't be tolerated, does a woman have the right to use her "weaker vessel" token when she has been physically abusive to a man?
