Posts by mayflower

69

How many were raised as a JW during their teenage years?

by codeblue in

.

and how many of you feel because of that, you never really got to be a "teenager"?

codeblue

mayflower

Guess I'm an odd one...At the tender age of 16 while debating over green or blue hair I discovered the ultimate makeover...ankle length skirts, turtlenecks, 'practical' shoes, and square handbags (perfect size for mags)...Somehow I think the blue hair wouldn't have contributed to my non-JW Mother's breakdown as much as the former...

I'm greatful that I avoided the problems that my old non-JW pals didn't...addictions, unwanted births, blah, blah, blah...but I wonder if the damage done by the JW training has done as much harm in other ways...mentally...

Did I miss out? My social life was never the same again. While I feel sorry for the girl I became and wish she could have been more care free, I refuse to regret those years. So, yes I did miss out and knew I was missing out (...er...dispite what I said on the platform at a convention), yet I'm not 16 anymore and refuse to try to make up for it. I need to do what's best for me NOW and somehow that does not involve living like a teenager. No more extremes and I feel happier for it...sigh...

23

bad.bad.bad.

by mayflower in

anyone else feel down right bad and evil for leaving the org dispite what their heart and conscience and better judgement tells them?

i've been inactive for about....oh....since october anyway and have gradually been letting friends and family know about it.

after every conversation i feel really guilty and selfish and i have to sit down and reassure myself that i'm doing the best thing for me.

mayflower

Wow! Thank you all for your replies.

mf

23

bad.bad.bad.

by mayflower in

anyone else feel down right bad and evil for leaving the org dispite what their heart and conscience and better judgement tells them?

i've been inactive for about....oh....since october anyway and have gradually been letting friends and family know about it.

after every conversation i feel really guilty and selfish and i have to sit down and reassure myself that i'm doing the best thing for me.

mayflower

Anyone else feel down right bad and evil for leaving the org dispite what their heart and conscience and better judgement tells them? I've been inactive for about....oh....since october anyway and have gradually been letting friends and family know about it. After every conversation I feel really guilty and selfish and I have to sit down and reassure myself that I'm doing the best thing for me. All I ever tell anyone is I'm inactive because of doubts and I feel that it's appropriate for me to discuss my questions with elders as I don't want to stumble anyone (or be thought of as an apostate). No big discussions; lots of big emotional reactions and defensiveness; lots of personal accusations like not enought study, not enough prayer, not enough association. I don't share any doubts with anyone and I haven't gotten involved with any 'wordly' vices...so why do I feel so bad for listening to my Bible trained conscience?

While I no longer believe that JWs are the only ones with a clean conscience before God, and are the only ones with a personal relationship with God, and the only ones that make Jehovah's heart glad and so on and so forth...It's so hard to let go of these, and such other ideas, because they became an integral part of how I thought and felt and lived for so many years. I've been told for so long that what I'm doing now will result in the opposite of the above mentioned that at times when I know I'm letting friends and family down it's hard to believe otherwise...sigh...