Posts by paradisebeauty

48

The shift: from follower to wanting to leave

by paradisebeauty in

this week has been the week when my whole way of thinking shifted.

i still cannot believe how this can happen so fast.

over a period of seven days i went from not even imagining that i could ever not be a witness to wanting to get out of this organisation.. .

paradisebeauty

I wanted to tell everyone who said that they prayed to God and asked for an answer, that the answer can be a new thought that comes into your mind. A simple clarifying thought, a new understanding or a feeling of confidence in something you believe, those are answers from God.

48

The shift: from follower to wanting to leave

by paradisebeauty in

this week has been the week when my whole way of thinking shifted.

i still cannot believe how this can happen so fast.

over a period of seven days i went from not even imagining that i could ever not be a witness to wanting to get out of this organisation.. .

paradisebeauty

@ JamesThomas,

It is interesting that you talk about a story, was wondering if you read anything by Debbie Ford, I know she has some interesting books on psychology, - I've been planning to read a particular book by her, but did not find the time, yet.

I am a person who believes that God exists, that he cares for us and that he gave Jesus as our savior. And I believe the Bible is the word of God.

I believed these things before my encounter with jw's. I believed them even if my parents were not religious. I found a bible when I was a kid and starting reading it, and listened very closely whenever people were saying something of God.

My believe in God has little to do with the jw's, I think on the contrary, they made me feel further away from God.

My awakening is about the fact that they are not the representatives of God, and some (or most) of their doctrines are not supported by the Bible. And their spirit is Pharisaic. Their spirit and attitude has so much more to do with the pharisees in the Bible than with Jesus. How did I not see this earlier? I actually saw it ... but have no idea what I was thinking or hoping ...

48

The shift: from follower to wanting to leave

by paradisebeauty in

this week has been the week when my whole way of thinking shifted.

i still cannot believe how this can happen so fast.

over a period of seven days i went from not even imagining that i could ever not be a witness to wanting to get out of this organisation.. .

paradisebeauty

Hi LSH123,

I am so glad you wrote.

I am also in doubts with most of the doctrines you wrote about. And the thought that all people who are not jw will be destroyed, bothers me, too. There is no way God can think like that.

I think the advice people give here, to take it slow and not let elders or people in cong know yet, is very good.

We need to research and by ourselves the truth about what the Bible truly says. Until now, we've been mostly indoctrinated to believe laws and ideas of men...

Take care of yourself and feel free to pm me any time :)

48

The shift: from follower to wanting to leave

by paradisebeauty in

this week has been the week when my whole way of thinking shifted.

i still cannot believe how this can happen so fast.

over a period of seven days i went from not even imagining that i could ever not be a witness to wanting to get out of this organisation.. .

paradisebeauty

@ FayeDunaway

I was a witness for 12 years and some years before I went on and off with studying with them.

I met a lot of jw's but I am not sure I could say about any of them that they are my really true best friend forever, they are more like acquaintances ... most of them look for you when they need something ...

It's not so much about friends, but I think I would need to go to religious meetings from time to time, plus being present at the commemoration of Jesus and being allowed to take part without others thinking you went nuts ...

I like the way they did it in this church, except the cross, everything happened according to the Bible. But don't know if they always keep it on 14th nissan, or it was just this year because it happened to be on a Friday.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iruN1ZD6F5w

I am glad you found a group of Christians to meet with. I hope I will, too.

48

The shift: from follower to wanting to leave

by paradisebeauty in

this week has been the week when my whole way of thinking shifted.

i still cannot believe how this can happen so fast.

over a period of seven days i went from not even imagining that i could ever not be a witness to wanting to get out of this organisation.. .

paradisebeauty

@ Phizzy, John Aquilla, freemindfade, Oubliette, clarity, DJS, LostGeneration,

Thank you all for the advice and encouragement,

I will have to learn to shut up ... it's gonna be difficult because I hate to fake and pretend ... but I am aware I need to keep things a secret for know as I am not emotionally ready for what it is going to happen ...

I am so glad we can talk through this forum!

48

The shift: from follower to wanting to leave

by paradisebeauty in

this week has been the week when my whole way of thinking shifted.

i still cannot believe how this can happen so fast.

over a period of seven days i went from not even imagining that i could ever not be a witness to wanting to get out of this organisation.. .

paradisebeauty

@ Magnum

I believe there are answers - I hope!

It's just that they are not in an organization, they are in a personal relationship with God and Jesus. I believe Jesus is the only mediator between God and human being. We need nobody else, an certainly.

I decided to study the new testament by myself, there are different translations of the Bible available.

I am also thinking of going to other christian's groups meetings but I'll have to do this discreetly, at least in the beginning, until I am ready to come out with what I believe now ...

48

The shift: from follower to wanting to leave

by paradisebeauty in

this week has been the week when my whole way of thinking shifted.

i still cannot believe how this can happen so fast.

over a period of seven days i went from not even imagining that i could ever not be a witness to wanting to get out of this organisation.. .

paradisebeauty

@ oppostate

I feel the same way about this:

I came to understand that no organization can lay claim to being God's representative on Earth, nor his "Channel".

and I believe to claim this is the true "brazen conduct" in front of God

I also feel like the years in this org made me feel separated from other people, from humanity. I need to get to know people who are outside of this org.

I am thinking of the 12 years in this org as being just a step in my search for God. But I like the way you named your moment of awakening: "epiphany" - I might borrow that.

48

The shift: from follower to wanting to leave

by paradisebeauty in

this week has been the week when my whole way of thinking shifted.

i still cannot believe how this can happen so fast.

over a period of seven days i went from not even imagining that i could ever not be a witness to wanting to get out of this organisation.. .

paradisebeauty

Thank you for the support, talesin.

It crossed my mind to just call two elders and tell them everything I believe, but I also realize I am too overwhelmed right know, I could not face very well going through discussions with them and sensing / knowing other members of cong speak behind my back that I became an apostate ... probably not just members of my cong, but all other witnesses in town.

I live in a town where most witnesses were brought up in families of witnesses. I became a witness after big problems with my family and most witnesses in my town know my story ...

Plus, the explanations and reasoning with friends ... too much to bear right now.

18

Trapped.

by trapped28 in

jw
friends

as i write this,im aware of my heart hammering in my chest.ok where shall i start,ill try to keep this as short as possible.ive never been religious before in my life,the occasional wedding or funeral was the only time ive been in a church or viewed a bibles cover.in 2013 my step-dad was diagnosed with cancer and had to go for an operation to remove the tumor.i became close to his nephew and we communicated a lot and had a few strong feelings for each other,but neither of us told anyone,it was just harmless flirting and a few hugs that lasted a bit longer than normal.two days after my dads operation,he died through complications,and my path of self destruct was set.my boss had also been sexually harassing me at work and i was unfairly dismissed and was told by my landlord that i was to pay the rent or be evicted.then out of the blue my cousin tells me he was an unbaptised publisher (he was baptised at the aug convention last year)and to start having faith in god,that it would all work out.so i went to a kh and took up a study.that was a year ago and they now feel im ready to become a publisher.the thing is..i was made homless and am living with a jw of 50 years,a real spiritual person.these last two months ive been researching and i simply like you all disagree with so much of it.for the past twi weeks ive avoided meetings because of work,or pretended im at work and stayed away from the home i have with this witness.i cant afford to leave but at same time im being pushed to go into ministry and meetings.guys what the hell am i going to do?im so trapped scared and i cant believe i wanted to get baptised!

!my son lives with his dad and there trying to get a hold on him when he visits me!

!

paradisebeauty

Tell them you are not ready, you need to study more ... maybe mention just one of the things you do not agree ... just one, not more :)

Continue to skip meetings, invoking work is ok.

And during this time try to resolve your situation.

That is what I would do.

48

The shift: from follower to wanting to leave

by paradisebeauty in

this week has been the week when my whole way of thinking shifted.

i still cannot believe how this can happen so fast.

over a period of seven days i went from not even imagining that i could ever not be a witness to wanting to get out of this organisation.. .

paradisebeauty

This week has been the week when my whole way of thinking shifted. I still cannot believe how this can happen so fast. Over a period of seven days I went from not even imagining that I could ever not be a witness to wanting to get out of this organisation.

Last Sunday when I went to the kh the thought of not being a witness did not exist in my mind (despite all the things I disapproved in this org and their doctrine).

On Sunday evening I realized that it is very rarely that I agree with a whole study article in the publications. Usually I agree with the part where they present the biblical facts and the verses, and I disagree with most of their conclusions. And the q came, in this conditions, is it ok for me to continue being a witness? Can I stand this until the end of my life or this system? Should I continue to stand this? Is it worth it?

The idea that this is affecting my relationship with God came to me. My relationship with Him has been affected because I have to pretend I agree with something I do not, because I ask myself if it is ok for me to understand things different than the organization and to reach different conclusions when I analyse some biblical verses.

On Monday morning I felt like crying, while continuing to read information on jwfacts, listening to crisis of conscience, reading info on other sites (not necessarily all against jw’s, but also sites on what other christian religious believe and understand from the Bible. I was particularly impressed with a you tube video showing a meeting of a christian denomination celebrating the commemoration on 14th Nissan and all members of the congregation were taking part, no ideas I could not agree with in the sermon).

Tuesday, I continued researching information during breaks at work and after.

I had moments when I felt anxious and like crying and did not know exactly why – was I crying because of worry for what is expecting me, was it a feeling of liberation or was it anger for all the years when I was blind and believed them despite logic and good sense?

In the same time in my head started to roll all the questions that came into my mind over the years and did not had the guts to put them into words or to clearly formulate them in my mind:

· Why do they say Christians cannot say about themselves they are the children of God, when the new testament clearly says those who accept Jesus are become children of God
· Why those who have earthly hope are not allowed to partake at the commemoration
· Why do they take the number 144 000 literarily and not the following verses that say that those people are from the tribes of Israel?
· What do we do with the verses that talk about the souls of people who died in the New Testament?
· There are several verses that talk about a new earth and the destruction of this earth, why do we only take into consideration the only verse that says the earth will last forever? (Maybe that is meant symbolic, as in God will take care that humans will always have a place / planet to live on, and it might refer to the new earth)
· 1914 – I see it as a speculation with no Biblical or historical support
· Why is baptism not made in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit? Why at baptism do you have to say that you believe that the organization is the instrument of God led by the Holy Spirit? I think that with this doctrine about the organisation they actually add the organization as a mediator between human beings and God, when the Bible states clearly that there is only one mediator and that is Jesus Christ. I also believe that with the second question they ask before baptism they make you deny / not accept that you personally need the help and the guidance of the Holy Spirit in your Christian life; it’s like you have to say that only they have the help and guidance of Holy Spirit and yourself not, which is false, all Christians have access to the help and guidance of Holy Spirit if they ask for it.
· About the idea that God always had an organization, if you pay attention, there has always been people who pretended to be God’s organisation, or should have been but they were not in reality. Most kings and priests from Judah and Israel did not represent God. Jehovah chose from time to time people who were cast away and even killed by the rules of the Israel nation who were pretending to represent Jehovah.

Jesus did not only bring us liberation from sin and death but also liberation in the sense that since He came, we do not need any other mediator between God and humans, Jesus is the only mediator.

These are probably just some of the q’s, and I did not yet reach a conclusion on what I believe on most of these issues. I will need to research to find out what is the most logical answer in the Bible.

I know this is a long post, but I wanted to somehow get a little clarity on my new ideas and my questions, and to make a resume on how the shift I experienced this week took place.

It is strange how nothing really special happened this week in reality (related to my experience in this org or with its members) but I had so many thoughts in my mind, everything happened in my mind, and I experienced this transformation in my thinking ….

I was wondering how did the shift in thinking happened to you? Was it gradual, was it sudden?

And how did you got away from the org? Did you clearly told them what you believe? Did you have a time when you continued but was convinced in your mind that the org did not preached the truth? How long did you go on after changing your ideas?

I am thinking of what I should do next … don’t want to do anything that would make my situation too difficult …

PS: English is not my first language, sorry if sometimes the way I express myself is complicated.