An Update

MM090503

Hello,

Some of you may remember me. I started posting about a year ago around this time. My bf is invovled with the JW's. I have had a hard time of dealing with this and we have even broken up over this. It has been a long time since I last posted.

I wanted to tell everyone that my bf is becoming a full fledged JW. I'm not completely ok with this, but I'm learning to deal and live with it. After a rough summer and a break up for most of the summer him and I are back together. Believe it or not I attend Sunday meetings (just the first half). I hate going, but my bf asked me to go to see what it's like. I hate what they talk about, but I have met some nice people. Funny thing is I go to the first half of the meeting, then go to my Catholic church down the street. If there is one thing I have gotten out of the meetings is an apperciation for my own religion and faith.

My bf and I are talking about getting engaged by the end of the year. I know this sounds so crazy to everyone and I know I'll probably get warned against it, but it's what I want. We have learned to talk about religion so much more and we have found ways to bring our religions together by praying. And after this summer being broken up, I know that I cannot live without him, he is my everything. We both know that we are going to face a lot of bumps in the road. We have agreed to talk them out and be patient and respectful to eachother. We have talked about kids and have also agreed that they will be brought up how we were raised with holidays and everything. When they are old enough they can choose their own religion. I just want to let everyone know that as bad as some JW's are, theya re not all bad. I have met some really nice people who are excepting me for who I am. And beleive me I have made a firm stand saying that I am Catholic and not changing. I do not let it go unnoticed that I am not a JW. I wear a cross to meetings to prove this also. As much as I hate what they believe and what they stand for, I love my bf and i KNOW that we will be able to work because we have one common belief with religion and that is we both believe in the same GOD.

Meg

kls

I truly hope you both will be happy but see nothing but hurt and heartache for you .I am married to a jw and know what you are headed for . All i can do is say ,be happy because you are in for turbulent times.

Joel Wideman

Does he truly understand all the consequences?

OldSoul

Honestly, I don't think JWs are usually bad. I think the policies of the Organization are going to end up hurting you badly. But I can always hope and pray for the best for you.

Please keep this in mind: the majority of the people with David Koresh weren't bad, and the majority of people Jim Jones convinced to drink poison weren't bad. It was a leadership problem. It was top-down control with no method in place to redress grievances. In politics that is called totalitarianism.

Whatever you choose, all the best.

Respectfully,
OldSoul

Been there

Meg,

Good for you for standing up for yourself. Keep doing it. Don't let love cloud your judgment.

My biggest concern would be for your children that you said will celebrate holidays etc. Have you discussed the BLOOD issue? They can have a Birthday but will they be able to have blood to save their life if the situation should ever arise? That is a biggy. Get the answer before the children start coming, the life of a child may depend on that answer. I suggest you put what you both agree to before marriage into a contract and sign it. He may forget alot after the wedding.

Good luck.

Legolas

We have talked about kids and have also agreed that they will be brought up how we were raised with holidays and everything.

I would get that in writing if I was you!

Because WHEN he changes his mind about that, it will be harder for him to get out of if he promises you that in writing!

I hope it works out for you.

AlmostAtheist

I hope all the best for you Meg. You'll have many challenges to face as his non-Witness partner. To help you along, you may want to read over the topics from users Check_Your_Premises and ithinkisee

Good luck, and always feel free to post here for help along the way.

Dave

TheListener

Hi Meg.

I hope everything works out well for you. Congratulations on finding the love of your life. It really does sound as though he is being very flexible regarding your beliefs and the future children.

Is your bf baptized yet? That makes some difference. Unbaptized individuals have a lot more leeway because they're still in the wooing stage by the congregation. Once baptized the rules are enforced a little more strictly.

Just as a point about the future children:

Whether it be field service, meeting attendance (regularly), family study out of a WT publication, Conventions, Assemblies, holidays, birthdays, time consuming sports and after school activities, school government, etc - - these things aren't just personal decisions. These things are considered vital for everlasting life. The life we're living now is simply not the way we were meant to live. Jehovah wants us to think of the future, the paradise. Therefore we must listen and follow God's instructions. Yes, it will be dificult in the here and now, but really who do we want to please? Ourselves? Other humans? or God!

That is the type of thinking that everyone in the congregation has. They will love you and care for you, but you will always be considered a potential convert. If you don't convert you do not have a chance of surviving Armageddon and making it into the paradise. Your children will be taught regularly about the paradise. Imagine your 5 year old or 4 year old asking "why won't you go to meetings? Don't you love Jehovah? I don't want you to die."

It's heartbreaking. The Jehovah's Witnesses are not a sometimes religion, they are a full-time way of life.

Good luck to you and I hope everything works out well. I know you won't agree with the advice you've received from some on the board but please keep it tucked away for future reference and don't ever feel that you cannot come here for advice or to vent.

carla

If you don't mind having a part time husband and father for your children, and don't mind a bunch of old men in Brooklyn controlling your husband's life as well as your own, and you don't mind these same men telling your husband how to make love to you, how much passion is appropriate in marriage, what kind of movies you can watch, books you can read or even have in the house, have every holiday spent alone or even if he comes he remains somewhat 'odd' because he is trying to decide if he should even be there or not (all sinful), to celebrate your birthday with anyone else but him (he won't even acknowledge it) to watch your children's heart be broken because dad is such a doofus (that's if he decides he won't try to make them be jw) to watch him watch news with morbid fascination and excitement that all this bad news means the 'end is near', if you don't mind him doing totally hypocritical things that you know could get him df'd but you say nothing because it was maybe some innocent thing that the rest of the world thinks is normal or even good for a childs mental development, hey I could go on all day, But if you don't mind these things I would say go for it. You two will be 'special' our love is 'different', every ubm (unbelieving mate) has said the same thing. It is one thing to knowingly go into this for yourself it is quite another to subject children to this life. I would suggest not having children for a very long time until you see exactly how life will be living with cult member.

Undecided

Just make this one agreement before you marry him. Get the "Crisis of Conscience" book by Ray Franz and make him agree to read it before you get married. It reveals infomation (by a former member of the governing body) that he will never get from the JWs about the inner workings of the organization. If he still believes it's directed by God's spirit after he reads it, he's too stupid to be married to. IMHO

Ken P.

PS. Of course he may get a book about the history of the Popes, Cardinals, and Nuns of the Catholic Church and make you read it and you both may become members of some other religion.

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