Advice...

by Cori 14 Replies latest jw friends

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  Cori

  Hello everyone,

  I have been reading alot lately and not posting enough, but I have a situation that I would like some advice for. I have been having doubts for some time now, and no longer believe the WBTS have the truth. My wife when she first heard of this dilemma, had some issues with it, we had a fallout, and we were seperated for some time. After awhile, we talked about what happened, and for sake of appearances, I attended a few meetings and no longer mentioned my doubts to anyone. We reconciled recently, and I feel that I can no longer live this lie. I havent been to a meeting in about 2 months, and havent preached in almost a year. She is not regular at the meetings either. I want us to have a normal life, but I feel that the moment I bring up anything contrary to JW belief, she will go into that mental block they learn so well. How do I bring up the subject, "implant doubts" if you will, without raising red flags with her??

  Any help would be appreciated

  Cori
• 

  coolhandluke

  Read any and all threads by ithinkisee. Those will help you a lot
• 

  AlmostAtheist

  Hey Cori,

  Here's a great write up on how one guy got his family out. It boils down to doing research under the guise of being able to answer householder's questions at the doors, but is actually helping your loved ones to see that there are in fact no answers to them. Powerful approach, since it sends them into the publications to discover the (lack of) answers for themselves.

  Good luck!

  Dave

  http://www.freeminds.org/psych/exithelp.htm
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  kid-A

  This is a great article from the main page with some excellent advice for this situation....best wishes

  http://www.freeminds.org/psych/exithelp.htm
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  Lady Lee

  Considering the situation that you posted you might want to just go for the slow fade. Over time just go to less and less meetings. Plan things to do together that are more fun than meetings and things your wife might enjoy. Time away from the meetings can give a person time to begin thinking for themselves. Give her some time
• 

  dedpoet

  I agree with Lady Lee, give her time, and maybe lead her by example to a degree, show her that there is a life outside the borg.
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  Cori

  Thanks for the info...I may just have to give her time. Anytime anything anti-JW is even hinted at, she goes into JW mode so fast. Its difficult not discussing my thoughts...
• 

  OldSoul

  Cori,

  I am struggling with the same situation. My wife is attending fewer meetings than she ever has and is spending less of her energy on field servitude. I am very hopeful. She knows I have been asking my elders and the CO for answers and she knows they have not been answering. That is affecting her very deeply.

  Respectfully,
  OldSoul
• 

  jgnat

  Hi, I am a non-JW married to one.

  1. Use this place to unload.
  2. Don't directly threaten your wife's beliefs.
  3. Can you make a list of the top five reasons she enjoys being part of the witnesses? These top five needs are your clue as to how to wean her from the society.
  4. If she craves the social contact, join some other kind of club together during the week. Like bowling.
  5. If it is fear of Armageddon, do some research on past failed dates http://quotes.watchtower.ca Don't confront her directly about it, just leave your notes in a research folder on your desk.

  Because you don't want a repeat of her last freak-out, I'd continue with the slow fade.
• 

  Emacu

  Hi Cory

  I am new here 2nite. All I can say that if you and your wife (as you seem to) want to make this work, then DO NOT be afraid to talk to her openly ( a few drinks might help first)... A whole new life awaits you (both) if you can break free from (most) of the chains. Follow your instincts. From what I have learned in my life especially in the last 12 months is that we have a 6th sense / inner alarm bell / get feeling for a reason. TRUST YOUR FEELINGS - You are having them for a reason.

  It will NOT be easy for you both (or even worse for you both if you end up going it alone). I was 16 when I left (unbaptised) and it STILL affects me on a daily basis (now 33). It still impacts on my wife and daughter and they were NEVER in the the truth (all my family still strong JW's). It's like ripples (waves!) in a still pond from a bloodly great brick that gets chucked in. BUT - You have start somewhere and it is hard BUT start today. I have only found out the truth about the "truth" since this sat on the internet. I WISH soooo badly I had done it years ago. It would have stopped me from self-destructing on so many occassions. You are likely to find true help and support on webpages like these. One word of caution. Please try not to get sucked into the religous ex-JW (apostate) sites. I emailed some of them for help and not one has replied unlike some of the other (non-religious sites) that have emailed back and offered support.

  Best wishes with your new life (hopefully with your wife). Remember this : "Fear leads to pain, pain leads to anger and anger leads to the dark side!" Where is the light side in the messages the "truth" offers.