The story of my life (part 8- hanging on by a bare thread)

by onacruse 10 Replies latest jw friends

  • onacruse

    I can't remember the drive home from the airport...all I can remember is how relieved, how incredibly thankful, I was to be back on my own bed, in a safe environment, with two parents who would help me get through all of this. It was the first peaceful night of sleep I'd had in a long long time.

    I also don't remember much at all about the explanations I tried to give to my folks. But I do remember this: I apparently told my Dad enough such that he was compelled to drive over to see the congregation servant (as they were then called), who had himself been at Bethel...and demanded to know why he hadn't told my folks about what Bethel life was really like..why he had let them send their firstborn son into such an environment without any warning whatsoever. The servant answered:"That would have been disloyal of me."

    But, as I teetered at the edge of the precipice, that one little rope of hope was still in my hands: 1975 was only 3 years away, and if I could just hang on that much longer...somehow find a way to bury all these bad experiences, all this pain, all this disappointment--then just a little while longer, and the former things will not be called to mind.

    So, I decided to focus on the Bible itself--after all, that some few bad people at Bethel had done some few bad things didn't mean that the Bible was itself to blame, did it? To bring myself closer to the God of that Bible, I started studying Greek, Hebrew and Latin. For recreation, I'd study calculus and physics. For stress, I would drink. All this, of course, alone, in my room, until the wee hours of the morning. No more was said about Bethel.

    Does anyone see a pattern of "hiding" here? Yes indeed, the same pattern that my folks had been following for the last 20 years--and I became a true disciple of that way.

    I also met a sister, and we got married (my Dad married us, at the KH). I got a job at a warehouse, and started to get back on my feet as a publisher. There was even talk about how some day I would make a really good servant at the KH again, especially considering what I'd been through, and the experience I could offer.

    Emotionally, things were starting to look up. I was seeing "the track" again, and pulling myself along slowing but surely to 1975.

  • myself

    Craig, your life story topics have been very addictive, I don't think I posted on them, but wanted you to know that they are helpful in knowing that what each of us has been through, we have not been alone after all. Thanks for sharing. I am watching for the next segment.


  • tijkmo
    There was even talk about how some day I would make a really good servant at the KH again, especially considering what I'd been through, and the experience I could offer.

    haha that t-shirt

    i have been busy for past couple of weeks so had noticed your story but hadnt had time to read it until now...cant wait to hear more

    and i know exactly what you mean when you said earlier about the straw that broke the camels back..i have had so many conversations with people who have experienced the same thing aswell as those that dont understand that it is not the final little thing that has the devestating effect but the culmination of all of it put together

    and you have provided further proof for me that it is those that are the most zealous that ultimately become the most dis-illusioned

    keep it coming...i hope it has a happy (-ish) ending

  • bikerchic
    i hope it has a happy (-ish) ending

    Yeah so do I !

  • heathen

    I know it's a happy ending . craig apparently made it out of a cult and found a life for himself . I well know that straw myself . Those people really know how to play the mind [email protected]#$ game like no other . You can be our friend but look at all the hoops you have to make it through first , be a good little freak and jump through the hoops, ohhhhhhhhhhh you missed one, well you are spiritually weak but we can help you , say I love the watchtower 100 times pray to jehovah so you can be obedient answer all questions in the publications but use only the answers they give you and research only WT publications ,,,, blah blah blah , yadda yadda yadda

  • Robdar


    Your story is fascinating.

    I'm looking forward to the next chapeter.

  • Virgogirl

    Can't wait to read what happens next! Don't rush...but can you hurry, lol!

  • OldSoul

    [voraciously devours, bones clank on plate, head snaps up] More!


  • OICU8it2

    Please, don't stop now. If you can remember, elaborate on your thoughts more. Include more details. Write the book! Thanks, Carlton

  • Legolas

    Now I am off to read part 9!

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