You are experiencing:PTSD surrogate/displacement rage Garry Buss masterpiece tells all
Why some people leave and live and then it hits them
I remember the dark feelings of dispair when I first left the dubs.
It actually helpped that everyone shunned me, because it taught me to look inward for answers and with the help of therapy from a professional, I learned how to survive.
I worked on my self, became better educated, became healther ( i joined a gym) and I made it a point to make friends with all types of people.
15 years later I am much more happy and confident than I ever was as a dub. It wasn't easy and sometimes I do miss some of my old friends, but I feel accomplished and in control.
Focus on your self and seek professional help if you can.
You CAN do it.
Well from what most of you have said it sounds like you are perfectly normal.
Well as normal as one can be coming out of a high control group like the JWs
By the time they were in their late 20's or early 30's they began to realize they were carrying a lot of baggage from their earlier years.
Yeah, I thought I had purged it all after only 4-5 years (I left when I was 18). What I found was that it went much, much deeper. Today, I search out and attempt to destroy any detrimental JW program I find still within myself. Well, I also do that with any programming I find. The Watchtower is certainly not the only source of mental programming we are influenced by. So, generally, I try to recognize programming attempts when they sneak into my field of perception through television or cultural means (or any other for that matter).
I ignored the matter for a long time though. Now that I've grown older and have a child of my own, I have this sense that I would really like for the rest of my family to join us in freedom from the controlling restraints of the Org.; to become what a more "real" family should be like.
I think the inactivity or non-interest in organized type religions, such as the JW's, Catholics, etc., is somewhat prevelent in late teens onward. I am not a JW, never was, but wanted nothing to do with the religion I had been raised in from the time I was ~18 years old until I was about 35 or so. I just became "uninterested". The big difference between the religious group I was associated with and the JW's was, and is, I was not, never was, shunned or ostrasized in any way, shape or form. While I was away, nothing changed with the people that raised me, especially family, in my religion, or with the people of that religion that I had associated with a good portion of my life. All the love, respect, understanding, and caring that I received and felt while I was active was always there, it never left. Essentially, life went on. I am back active now (started attend church again a few years ago), not because It was recommend by anyone that I should "rejoin", but because I felt it was time. What is interesting, is that while I was away, for amost 20 years, I never felt away from God; I always felt..."something." Unlike JW's who decide the leave, I always had the love of my family and friends. Again, life went on. Shunning by the JW's is such a destructive and evil practice.
Have a good day.