~How did/do you personally feel about the headship arrangement?~

by FlyingHighNow 38 Replies latest jw friends

  • damselfly

    I think it's ridiculus personally. Marriage should be a partnership not a dictatorship. If I knew how to spell that pursed lip sound I would insert it here. *pbst* ? ( does that work? haha)


  • FlyingHighNow
    I'm very tempted to say that anybody foolish enough to allow another person to lead them around in a personal relationship deserves to be led around.

    The thing is, Terry most of us women were very bad at doing this exactly like the WTBTS and our husbands wanted us to. I finally got tired of even remotely trying anymore. He spent the next ten years threatening to divorce me for being the adult human being that I was. Finally he filed for a divorce and I didn't fight it. Living with him was like being smacked repeatedly, every single day, with a huge, dead, wet and smelly fish, all around my face and head. The dead fish being the headship issue. And if he wasn't complaining about me, he was complaining about some other woman who was not submissive.

    In her country, a mature "unattached" woman is assumed to be a whore.

    It's not so different here in the USA really.

    Thank you for all of your comments. I enjoyed each of your views. Please keep them coming. I find it very interesting to see how you men feel, especially those of you who were raised by JW parents.

    *pbst* ? ( does that work? haha)

    Edited to say, Dams, yes it works.

  • Soledad

    I've seen too many smart, classy, kind and loving women get their souls crushed by this issue. These women ended up with idiots for husbands. Sad.

  • Legolas

    My father has a great sign it reads:

    "I am the boss of this house, and I have my wife's permission to say so!"

  • Joel Wideman
    Joel Wideman

    NIV, Genesis 2:18, The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."
    Someone can look up the NWT, but I bet even that doesn't say "slave" instead of "helper". That said, I believe headship is a fine arrangement when the husband is truly a man. Husbands who abuse their wives are by no means men, merely males.

  • Finally-Free

    I had a wife who always tried to boss me around, so I left. Now I have a bird.

    Nothing's changed.


  • Scully

    I've always been a very independent kind of gal. Stubborn, fairly confident, opinionated and a bit on the bossy side. Yeah, I know... you're all finding it very difficult to believe that.

    Needless to say, the Headship Arrangement™ was one of the things about the JWs that was always a struggle for me. It was particularly irksome to have to quietly observe things going on in the congregation and just "know" how things were going to turn out, because it was all being directed by testosterone driven Spirit Appointed™ elders and ministerial servants, who cared more about having things their way than what was in the best interests of the congregation as a whole.

    There's nothing JW men despise more than a woman who is more intelligent than all of them put together. Those are the women who are referred to as The Jezebel Influence™.

    I tried to buy the whole equal-but-different nonsense that they tried to slough off in the Family Happiness book back in the 80s. Up until then I didn't realize that if a JW male gave an incorrect answer at a WT study or other meeting part, it was a major faux-pas for a Sister™ to raise her hand to offer the correct answer. That landed me in the back room for a chat after the meeting. How utterly PETTY!!

    That's one reason why I will NEVER go back. Another reason is that my daughters deserve to be raised in an environment where they know that they don't need a man to be successful in life, or where they aren't treated like second class citizens just because they weren't born with a penis.

  • Andrea Wideman
    Andrea Wideman

    I didn't mind the headship arrangement because Joel didn't suffocate my personality. He never told me what to do or how to be. He respected my mind and my ability to make my own decisions. I would discuss various things with him and his attitude would be I trust your judgement. He would only step in and make the final decision when he felt that I was totally off base. Upon further thinking it over I would agree that he was right.
    I will admit to being raised old fashioned and that the man is the head of the house. I was also taught by my mom that if I was in an abusive relationship to not put up with that crap and leave him no matter what it took.
    I will admit to being a very strong willed woman and Joel likes that about me. He is also a very strong willed man and I like that about him because the fact is that I couldn't respect a man who wouldn't stand up to me if he felt I was wrong. I would soon run roughshod fast over that kind of guy and I wouldn't be happy in a relationship like that.
    So I suppose that I would hate the headship arrangement if I had an abusive or controlling spouse. Now that I am no longer JW that part of our relationship really hasn't changed because he never abused his power and used it to boss me around. Which, I am sorry ,would have probably had me telling him to stick his attitude where the sun don't shine and leaving.
    The unfortunate fact is that no matter what religion you are you will always have somebody trying to lord their supposed power over another. I will have to say though that headship is one of the ways JW's try to control women and keep them down. It also makes itself look really attractive to power hungry men who want to control someone.

  • Ms. Whip
    Ms. Whip

    Personally, I feel that the headship arrangement was very one sided.

    It was ok for a women to give head...but, for a man to give head, well that was against bible principles.

    ms. whip


    "Is that a ten-gallon hat, or are you just enjoying the show?"

    - Lili Von Shtupp/Blazing Saddles

  • Beans

    The wastetower is so old school, there stuck in "Leave it to BEAVER" era! Beaver being good and head being good, man of the house, man does that exist anymore?

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