by thinker 10 Replies latest watchtower bible

  • thinker

    Manna. I will rain bread from heaven (Exod 16:1-4).

    What is manna?

    The bread of heaven

    Ps 105:40 "

    They asked, and he proceeded to bring quails,

    And with bread from heaven he kept satisfying them.

    Food of Angels?

    Ps 78:25 " ate bread of the angels..." (Septuagint)

    What was it's texture?

    "rained down" Ps 78:24

    Therefore at least somewhat liquid.

    "Fine and flakey, like frost" (Exod 16:14)

    Therefore small, white and flakey.

    " coriander seed... gathered and ground..."

    So it's hard and seed like.

    Let's review: So far it's white, liquid, and seed-like.

    What's it taste like?

    "honey wafers" (Exod 16:31)

    "oil extract" (Num 11:8) (What kind of oil? Could be good or bad tasting).

    So far we have one sure vote for good taste (honey) and one possible additional vote for good taste (oil).

    But was it good to eat? Angel bread and honey wafer was on the menu and that sounds damn fine!

    But look here: Numbers 21:5 "And the people kept speaking against God and Moses: "Why have

    brought us up out of Egypt to die in the wilderness? For there is no bread and no water, and our soul has come to abhor the contemptible bread . "

    And here: Numbers 11:5-6 "

    How we remember the fish that we used to eat in Egypt for nothing, the cucumbers and the watermelons and the leeks and the onions and the garlic! But now our soul is dried away. Our eyes are on nothing at all except the manna."

    Ah yes, those were the good old days...before all we had was this crappy manna.

    Moses says they were fed it to be "humbled and tested". If it tasted like honey angel cakes would that be humbling and testing? "Contempitible bread" and only bread fed to you so you'd feel humbled and tested. I'd say that's three votes for bad taste, maybe four.

    Let's review:

    "Ex 16:

    13 -14 Accordingly it occurred that in the evening the quails began to come up and cover the camp (lots of quails if they "covered the camp") , and in the morning there had developed a layer of dew round about the camp (that's the white, liquid, seed-like manna) . In time the layer of dew evaporated and here upon the surface of the wilderness there was a fine flaky thing, fine like hoarfrost upon the earth . (So the water evaporated leaving a white flakey stuff)" ...(and it tastes like crap, let's grind up the "seeds" and "make bread").

    Therefore, manna is bird crap bread.

    And here's the best part: 1Cor 10:2-3 "

    and all got baptized into Moses by means of the cloud and of the sea; and all ate the same spiritual food (ie, 'manna')..."

    So the Watchtower really does dispense true spiritual food....and it's as tastey as bird crap bread!


  • candidlynuts

    hahahaha great post!

  • stillajwexelder

    I like it LOL

  • Elsewhere


    OMG! I never noticed that! The manna was bird sht!

  • nowisee

    (containing belly laughs)

    that was funny, thinker. keep thinking.

  • Carmel

    One shwarma and one falaful please!


  • misspeaches

    I'm not at all surprised. The amount of squawking that comes from JW Upper Management makes it entirely likely that they are feeing their parishoners bird crap.

  • Leolaia

    Bird crap. That explained why it tasted like coriander seed.

  • steve2

    What have birds ever done to you that you equate their natural end products with the synthetically vile Watchtower droppings?

  • thinker

    According to the WT, manna literally means, "What is it?"

    While the exact origin of this name has been lost to history, I think we can reconstruct a likely story:

    The Scene: Desert Bar and Grill

    Date: ancient past

    Characters: Moses the chef, Aaron the waiter, and unknown Israelite customer

    Customer spits out food and yells, "WAITER! I ordered honey wafer and angel bread. What is this

    that you brought me?"

    Waiter (thinking fast) says, "That is manna, a heavenly dish prepared in the traditional fashion. Most customers eat it, not for the taste, but for the testing and humbling experience."

    (customer) "Yeah, I'll bet... But WHAT IS IT?"

    (waiter) "Well, we collect fresh quail dropping just after the morning dew, hand-grind it and form it into cakes, then bake it to perfection on a flat rock."

    (customer) "Oh my god! Got anything else?"

    (waiter) "Well, we used to have a grilled egyptian fish with cucumbers, leeks, onion and garlic in a watermelon sauce; but we're all out."

    (customer) "Nevermind! I'm going across the street to the Rock Fountain and wash this taste out of my mouth!"

    Moses overhears this and throws down his staff which becomes a poisonous serpent that chases the customer away. "Ungrateful hebrew! I oughtta send a whole nest of snakes after the whole bunch of 'em. Aaron! Get me my magic sticks!"

    The end

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