Compassion For Those Who Remain Silent

by Kismet 23 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Grunt

  In the New York Times online was this article. Maybe the rules are being changed somewhat. Though the Catholic Church still says this does not affect the confessional. You should read the whole article. It grieves me to think of how many have trusted "Godly" men whether Witnesses or others, and had that trust betrayed.
  I wonder if the congressional group involved here is aware of some of the latest Watch Tower cover-ups and if they should or could be made aware of it?

  Grunt

  Catholic Church to Support Clergy Reporting Child Sexual Abuse

  By FOX BUTTERFIELD

  OSTON, Mass., Aug. 7 — The Catholic church here announced today that it will support a bill in the Massachusetts legislature that would add priests and other clergy to the list of people who must report suspected child sexual abuse to the authorities.

  The church has been under mounting public pressure since a disclosure that Cardinal Bernard F. Law had transferred a priest accused of child molestation to other parishes where the priest was later charged with molesting dozens more
• 

  Prisca

  Kismet,

  You are a Good Man. Thank you for reminding us that for every silentlamb that speaks up, there are hundreds of those who, for their own reasons, cannot/do not speak up. We love and care for these ones as much as we do those who have spoken up.

  Hugs to all those suffering in silence.
• 

  Maximus

  What do you say to a fifteen-year-old girl with hollow listless eyes, cigarette burn marks all over her left arm, tell-tale pale scars of many razor cuts on the right, desperately trying to be her own person by tattoos and green hair ....

  To a long-abused girl now being patched in a mental health facility, whose father is a respected elder, who says she makes up lies because she is bad ....

  To a painfully thin girl who asks why God withholds his love from her ...

  To a girl who can no longer feel joy nor pain, just blackness, for whom a smile is a dim muscle memory ...

  I can speak with her physicians about things medical and psychiatric, about SSRIs and cognitive therapy, acronyms of diagnosis, but what could I say to her? I love you? You are loved? I had no scriptures, no platitudes; to say 'you'll get better soon' would ring so hollow.

  I did what came naturally: I just reached out to hug her ... and I saw the unspeakable terror come over her face.

  How to convince a body of male elders she was speaking the truth, for they were convinced beyond doubt that Satan himself had entered into her--not in some backwater town, but in a great metropolis of sophisticates. They knew her father, who was one of the boys who played baseball and had pizza afterward.

  I've been there, you see. I know.

  She still haunts me, now one of so very, very many. You won't see her on Dateline or read her poignant story in a transcript.

  I won't forget you, Lori, nor not one of the others.

  Maximus
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  Had Enough

  Thank You Kismet:

  I add my voice of support to all the others here.

  Certainly, whatever we can do to let these ones know we are with them 100%, we'll do.

  Having our eyes opened has also opened our hearts and our hearts go out to all you who are suffering in silence.

  You are a fine gentleman Kismet. I'm glad I met you.
• 

  waiting

  Maximus,

  I'm sorry for all your memories - it shouldn't be this way. But, alas, it is.

  I think memories just wear away a person if not careful. Those of us who can "click off" sometimes have it easier in that respect. At least, we can "click off" till another day. We just keep hoping "another day" never comes.

  But, alas, it does - with a vengence.

  I'm sorry for dear Lori. I'm assuming all did not go well for her? Seems that way lots of times.

  I've heard it said that societies can be somewhat measured on how they treat old persons and children. Well, many societies would be laid low. Both are treated as refuse in a lot of cases.

  Take care - and take a break, ok? We can't afford to lose our good leaders........remember burnout.

  waiting
• 

  lauralisa

  I truly am trying to hesitate busting up all of your warm fuzzies here, but it is making me sick.

  It's so easy to feel compassion for one who remains silent, because they do not ask anything of you.

  I have not remained silent, but I have not come right out and declared my "victimhood", either. Experience has shown me that it is a bad idea. I voice my outrage and despair and unbearable feelings of alienation by discussing "other issues". Ironic, though, isn't it.... I AM remaining silent, but not in a politically correct way, as Mad Apostate so astutely observed.

  I am not welcome here. It comes across in many undertones. I think of penguins... still don't know what that particular iconography means, despite requests for information. Thank you, Prisca and whoever the other person was who wouldn't answer my request for clarification. Your name will always remind me of ice. Blue, icy ice.

  I think of condescending brush-off advice from "Tina", the queen (!!!!!!!!!) of all huggggiess {{{{and smoochies}}}}; I recall her sage advice to all who cannot "hack" it "here" in the "real" world to go seek group therapy, where things are beautiful all the time and when we need something, some nice and fair facilitator will help us. And we'll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats and .... ha ha.

  Most of you guys mean well. (Max, please extend understanding; Amazing, also) I know you do. but most of you who seem to want to help others struggling with this issue have not even started to learn how to "listen". It seems like only those who are meek and gentle, phrasing things "just so", and in a "fine" manner ({{{!!!!}}}) get validation and feedback (that doesn't serve to further destroy their courage to even try......) for "sharing". ALL survivors crave and seek and are starving for even a portion of this stuff, even if it falls off of the table in little crumbs onto the floor. There are many of us, so hungry and desperate that we are stark raving mad and living in the wild.. And yes, we use "bad" words. And are female and have the bad form to express anger.

  There was one concise, salient post a while ago; the person asked how they could actually help someone who had been a survivor of sexual abuse? There were no responses to the question.

  Please do not bother responding to this if you are wanting to say anything to me, because I am not going to read it. This place is NOT a source of useful information and/or guidance regarding recovery issues; it is a great example of a microcosm, just like such that existed in JW land, society at large, and anyplace else: many are found, but a few are chosen: the ones who are "easy" to listen to. But only if they are good compliant poster children.

  signing off and out of here
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  Tina

  Dear laura,
  Im sorry to see you go. You missed what I was saying in my post and misunderstood it. Yep Im a hug queen-not gonna apologize for being what I am. I understand your misdirected anger too. Tell ya something,what's important to me is what I think about myself.Whatever you think of me,means nothing. There's a lot of help that goes on,behind the scenes,in mail. And then the simple fact is there is help only professionals can give. Your post sounds like a therapy group could really benefit you.Your needs are obviously beyond what a discussion forum can offer. We all do what we can and when we can. I'm also sorry you didn't seem to understand this as well.
  Wishing you well and hope you find some modicum of peace and happiness. Tina

  Yanno,I wrote some mail to Maximus,regarding this topic. If he has the time,maybe he can post it in this thread....I can't find it.Thanks Tina
• 

  waiting

  Howdy Lauralisa,

  As Mommie Dark wrote (I'll leave out the solid caps) "A Discussion Forum is Not a Place for Therapy" or something close. She can say it - she's from the same abuse background as I am. All we can do is talk - sometimes.

  Do I receive rape/child abuse therapy here? No. Do I look for it here? No. Do we talk about rape & child abuse - among a thousand other things? Yup. And some of us hug. I've been rudely told (by a child abuse victim & a couple of others) that I shouldn't even talk about such "unpleasant things." And you're on the other end of the spectrum.

  I've been in group therapy - if the right group of persons mix, can accomplish much. You mentioned it, you might think again about it.

  You're angry? And...........like the rest of us victims/survivors aren't. Some of us express it - some of us don't. Our choice or compulsion. My post was about "tolerance" for each other. You need to express anger? Go for it. But not at me, wrong person. Not at the other victims/survivors - we didn't hurt you.

  We're doing what we can - and some of us do marvelous. Some have learned to smile, hug, grow flowers, earn a good income, raise great kids, sleep an entire night without waking up.

  As for "listening" on a worldwide forum? I've tried to talk somewhat openly in the past - too many personalities. And most people don't understand. Not that they don't care...but it's like a man understanding a 10.5 lb. baby ripping free into the world - no amount of my explaining will allow him to realize what it *feels* like. Hell, I don't even remember what it really feels like, and I don't think I really want to.

  I've done my time for my father's grossness. I'm 50 and not giving him any more of my life. That is my choice.

  I hope you have come to that choice earlier in your life - more time to enjoy.

  waiting
• 

  Tina

  Hi,
  I found what I wrote in mail,today in fact. Like 'waiting' what we disclose is a very personal choice and for our own reasons.

  'Dear M,
  I was moved by your post.And your feelings for the survivor/victims such as 'lori'.
  The results of abuse=soul murder have such a ripple effect.
  Like the pebble thrown in water,the waves encompass those around them.
  It is such a paradox for the survivor. They struggle with such conflicting feelings-guilt and innocence for example. They plead for attention ,then turn away when it's offered..
  Those helping them in turn sometimes feel such an overwhelming sense of confusion and powerlessness by the complexities and depth of pain we see.
  I've learned thru some training, and yes, my own recovery that the capacity to tolerate the contradiciton and ambiguities among this special population is a good sign of wisdom.
  I know this well.
  I am one of those,that if you met me,you would see the pale scars running the length of both arms. A visible history ,if you will.
  I rarely tell anybody this as I want to be identified for who I am now.Not for what was done to me long ago.
  I appreciate that some will never be able to arrive at that stage. That their resurrection from sould murder may never arrive. They are the silent ones I cry for.
  Everyday I want to show my gratitude for those who helped me in the past. Sensitive individuals,professionals,and caring people who helped 'resurrect' me. because I know for every 'resurrected individual,there are countless others suffering in the dark grave of their mind. Tina
  Please excuse the typos,Im working quickly and from memory. Thank you.

  PS,to 'waiting' that was eloquently stated,thank you veery much! T
• 

  waiting

  Howdy Tina,

  I read your response before the "ps". Thank you. I was just coming back in to post to you something as the following:

  Thank you for opening up some. Perhaps because of our similar yet probably different (like most victims/survivors) backgrounds - that's why we do/don't get along at times.

  Just goes with the territory.

  Well, also, we're women, that could account for some of it? Naaaaaaaaaa.

  Aw, hell, (I don't do this stuff well.) (((((((Tina)))))))

  waiting