by joelbear 8 Replies latest jw friends

  • joelbear


    I am basically a trusting person. That has cost me a lot in my life.

    Lately I have been caught by two lies that had bad effects on my life.

    The first set of lies was told to me by a friend about a mutual friend. I got caught in

    the middle and lost several friends because I believed the lie. The liar got out of

    the mess scot free.

    The second set of lies was told to me by my old supervisor who has since

    left the company I worked with. His lies led me to be very upset about my

    work situation. Now that he is gone, I have found out that almost everything

    he ever told me about the owner of the company and the company itself

    were lies.

    Basically, after these hard lessons I have decided not to believe things unless

    I have personal knowledge myself.

  • Odrade

    Good for you. Yes, I've been caught in that kind of situation... On this board in fact. It was resolved several months ago and I'm still a little perturbed at myself for believing the liar. It's good you got the work situation straightened out. Do you think a little humble pie with the wronged friend could smooth out the other lie damage?

  • BrendaCloutier

    Hey, Joel. I tend to be gullible, too. Practiced liars are usually very suave, and believable. The ones that get me are the apparant cries for help. I've been caught up in the work crap too. I try to take everyone on face value, but sometimes you find a mask.



  • Finally-Free

    There's very little I will believe that I cannot personally verify.


  • Sunspot

    Being lied to carries a special kind of sting. The kind of lying that you refer to Joel, has happened to me three times in my life where I have been deeply affected because I believed the liar. This has nothing to do with religion, etc, but on a personal level where I had also trusted a person and had that trust betrayed.

    Hubby says that I am too gullible, but I still tend to believe someone rather to not believe, and then be guilty of being cold and cynical. It's often a tough call.


  • John Doe
    John Doe

    I've not been hurt often as much as I was when I caught a relative lying to me, and I came to realize he was a habitual liar. Something about family lying to you really hurts. Only then did I realize how gullible I was, and I've worked hard to change that. But then, sometimes I'm left wondering if this is the best thing. Perhaps it's better to live a life trusting folks and get burned a few times than to trust no one and hurt others in the process. Once that jaded line has crossed you though, it's tough to turn back.

  • Billygoat

    There are few things in this world that I "hate", but liars is one of them. Not the "white" lies that are sometimes necessary to carry on etiquette - "You look great in that outfit!", but the type that have agendas - "Yes, I was a Navy fighter pilot for 6 years before I moved to Wichita and settled down as a window washer." I just can't stand being deceived. Maybe it's because of the religion. Maybe it's because I've lied and I see the harm it causes. I don't know. I just know I have little tolerance for it. I do try to see a person's motivation for lying, which helps me have more empathy for what they do. I might call them on it, but sometimes that bites me in the butt too.

    All that to say, I do everything possible to be as honest as possible in everything I do or say. Even if it means I hurt feelings or am in the minority.


  • Mecurious?

    I lost a very close friend (for a little while) over a person that was very untruthful, it really hurt because this was a person i'd known almost my whole life.

    later on both were disfellowshiped! After that things were ironed out and at least one friendship salvaged.

    Now, I limit personal contact to just two close friends and no others. I try to avoid having to compete for people's friendship cuz I hate being around jealous hearted people.


  • anewme

    Being lied to is so hurtful that I would rather someone told me the painful truth than to lie to me.
    After I was Dfd I realized for so long I was not able to be truthful. I was shackeled by the organization to always be nice, always think how what you say reflects upon Jehovah's name. I became a very shy people pleaser,and oftentimes too nice to the wrong people.The wrong people will take the truthful info they get out of you and use it to hurt you in some way. So beware.

    Now my actions reflect upon me alone and I have decided to be as truthful as I can in every instance. This is a very fun new hobby for me. If I dont want to do something I say I dont. If I like something I say I do!
    I am no longer forced to do and say things I dont want to.
    Being truthful feels so good!

    Oh, I now only befriend people I have known for awhile. And all the while I am observing them and making note of how much they exaggerate or slam other people or use grandiose behaviour.
    I like accuracy, not exaggeration and truthfulness in others as well.

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