by Satanus 27 Replies latest jw friends
A lot of people have a good nature, and naturally respond by helping another in need. Others see themselves on a mission of helping. Can helping others sometimes be a way of having influence over others? Just some idle thoughts. Okay, i confess, talking w my dad led me to this question. So, whacha think of this subject w regards to individuals and orgs?
S
Yep, some people do it just so that the recipient "owes them one".
I try to be kind and do whatever I can just out of kindness. But, although I don't do it FOR the paybacks, sometimes it depresses me when I put all that energy out to people and they don't return the energy. I tend to see energy as more of a resource that we have, and sometimes we can spend too much on people and run out of energy.
FMZ
Can helping others sometimes be a way of having influence over others?
Absolutely, a positive influence.
Aside from doing my best to help those around me I also donate to certain charities. This to me is not an "ego trip" rather I consider it my contribution to civic duty.
FMZ
It can be dissapointing, sometimes. I suppose a manipulator could tap into helpfullness in order to manipulate.
Myself, when i was a christian, i was into it big time. I am not interested in it now, although i guess that i must be a helpful person, as i often find myself helping others out in some way.
Is it possible, that if we help ourselves, we help others, also?
S
It appears from your second post that you are exploring the concept of "ulterior motives". Perhaps that is a better way of describing it rather than simply "influence".
Happy Guy
It appears from your second post that you are exploring the concept of "ulterior motives".
That's part of it. I generally try to figure the motive of someone who wants to help me (not people here on the board, but people around me). Are they really helpful, or are they doing it to get an ally, to build credit, they plan on using me later on, etc.
When i am helping out, i watch my own reward reaction to see if i am doing it for my ego. I am not sure if it is correct, but i often think that giving should be without expecting something back. Maybe that is an old thought that needs modification.
S
I find that when I do something altruistic, I get an endorphin rush. Which leads to a craving for more. So I go out and do something else that's selfless and charitable, to get that "high" again. And no, I'm not saying I'm Mother Teresa or anything, it's just little actions I'm talking about. But who cares- if a person feels euphoric after dropping five bucks into a homeless guy's hand, does that make their actions any less worthy?
I'm not sure I understand exactly what you are asking. But interestingly I was just reading a book about a zen community here in the U.S. The brainwashing that goes on, the charming, the mind control, the power over others is everywhere! After I was dfd I met a woman who tried to charm me with her charismatic personality. She was my age, but wanted to mother me and console me about my dfing and mistreatment from the Watchtower Society. She said she "saw" so much potential in me as a person that had been stifled by the many years with the society. She called me night and day. We went to lunch together a couple times a week.
The point is little by little she was drawing me in to her with her consolation and her advice, her wit and charm and laughter. My boyfriend saw through it and warned me there would be a price to pay if I got closer and closer to her.
Anyway, I have learned to stay free of mesmerizing personalities. Yes, some people hold a great power of personality over others who are weak for a number of reasons to it.
Now, a little alarm goes off in my head when I get too impressed by another human being. I say to myself, my thoughts are just as valid. I can say no to their advice and I can reject this person's advances.
Yes, there are many people out there AND ORGANIZATIONS desiring to enslave others.
Dont be a slave to anybody or anything!!!
I suppose a manipulator could tap into helpfullness in order to manipulate.
Well, if all I've helped people for is to manipulate 'em or influence them in a positive manner, I've been working on the wrong wagon train, dude!
Noel
I think FMZ summed it up really well, i also to find that, I am a very giving person, i dont do it to receive things in return and its in no way an ego trip for me,but it does get me down when people abuse this quality, or not even give a simple thanks. So now i kind of be selective about whom im giving too. es
