Did you really believe?

by Sassy 28 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • Sassy

    I had a friend in all sincerity, tell me recently that I never really believed. To which I do not agree. I did and with all my heart. And in a way it hurt my feelings for her to doubt my sincerity. She reminded me when we were witnesses, I didnt' go out very much in service, (quite honestly I avoided it like the plague cuz I was sooooooo nervous and just hated going), so her thoughts were if I really believed I would have been doing it.

    Now this is a person who was a pioneer and (who I love and respect, so I am not in any way saying anything bad about her) but she loved service. It was easy for her..

    I tried to explain to her that it never got easy for me.. even when I aux/temp/vacation pioneered. I really tried to like it but it gave me anxiety attacks.. but if it was hard for me to go out, did that mean I didn't believe?

    I believed, I just ultimlately thought I might die at the Big A since I felt like I failed as a christian.. but I did keep trying.

    Have any of you felt that way?

    Do you think she was right, that I didn't believe if I couldn't go out w/o forcing myself to?

  • kls
    Do you think she was right, that I didn't believe if I couldn't go out w/o forcing myself to?

    Just my thoughts, but i think you did believe deeply but i also think there was a little voice in your head telling you something seemed so wrong.

  • Balsam

    I know I fully believed completely when I became a JW back in 1971. How else could I have lived my life and gone door to door had I not believed. I did enjoy door to door work till had my children and had to drag my poor little guys to the door with me. I knew several witness that just nearly had attacks of anxiety even arriving at the kh for service. I had complete sympathy for them though I had never experienced it myself. Your friend just has never had to walk a mile in your shoes. I think some witness just lack empathy big time. Believing and loving the door to door work are two different things. Don't let her make you feel bad she is just never experienced what you have.


  • stillajwexelder

    yes one of my witness relatives used to say when somebody got disfellowshipped "Oh he was always a goat anyway - never a true sheep"

  • Sassy

    kls.. there was never a voice telling me something was wrong..

    which really bothers me now that I was so brainwashed. I can't believe I never doubted.

    Even when I quit I still believed. I just thought I was condemming myself to death

  • GetBusyLiving

    I really wanted to believe when I was a kid, Sassy. But it was a doubt ridden existence for me for about 15 years. Even as a child it always seemed really fishy. The stories of Jehovah's blood thirsty killing sprees in the Bible story book, his upcoming gore fest at Armageddon, and the end of the thousand years of peace with yet ANOTHER human slaughter blood bath seemed really wacked out. I was miserable.


  • katiekitten

    Sassy I always REALLY believed too, but I found field service hard. Its a selling thing. Im just not a selling person. However much you believe, if you have to sell something and its not your type of thing youre gonna find it hard.

    Theres no way that means you didnt believe.

  • joelbear

    i didn't like door to door but i really enjoyed return visits and bible studies.

    i never believed the goofy stuff about 1918 and 1919. i really didn't believe

    the 2520 years 1914 thing and always breezed over it with bible studies.

    i did really believe that we had a unique brotherhood. it was crushing to find

    out that wasn't true.

    i never thought much about the new system. to me the whole point was learning

    how to live together peacefully now.

    i did believe in the concept of having 144000 that could understand humanity

    in heaven ruling.

  • SixofNine

    :Do you think she was right, that I didn't believe if I couldn't go out w/o forcing myself to?

    Nope. I was like you about service, and I know many people like that. Now, deeep deeeeeep down, there were underlying questions about the bible and the JW doctrine (from childhood really) that I knew I didn't have answers for, and that added a whoooooole bunch to my discomfort at the doors. Even so, I was just as sincere a witness as anyone.

    Obviously, shy people and people who need to have the foundational information in order to pass it on, are not going to be seen as "good" witnesses. Conversely, some people, by virtue of their natural comfort in talking to strangers, and selling those strangers a point of view, are going to be seen as good witnesses, spending more time in field service. Let's face it, when you're a witness, getting in alot of service time is a huge boost to your standing in the community, so if you can do it easily, you're going to.

    Then there's that huge group of people who turn in the time, but don't really do the time, lol. They may or may not believe, but I imagine that most of them do.

  • Sassy

    I think Katie hit the hammer on the nail for "me".. I am not a selling person.. so feeling like I had to go talk someone into something just wasn't easy for me.. EVEN if I believed in it..

    and also Sixy's comment.. now I am not as intelligent as Sixy is..not about deep stuff, so it wasn't that I had questons or doubts abotu somethings, but there were things that didn't seem clear as a bell to me, so I felt inadequate to help people if i couldn't explain them.

    unfortunately I saw it as a weakness in me. That I somehow 'missed the point' to understand what i was sure all the other witnesses did.

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