I had a friend in all sincerity, tell me recently that I never really believed. To which I do not agree. I did and with all my heart. And in a way it hurt my feelings for her to doubt my sincerity. She reminded me when we were witnesses, I didnt' go out very much in service, (quite honestly I avoided it like the plague cuz I was sooooooo nervous and just hated going), so her thoughts were if I really believed I would have been doing it.
Now this is a person who was a pioneer and (who I love and respect, so I am not in any way saying anything bad about her) but she loved service. It was easy for her..
I tried to explain to her that it never got easy for me.. even when I aux/temp/vacation pioneered. I really tried to like it but it gave me anxiety attacks.. but if it was hard for me to go out, did that mean I didn't believe?
I believed, I just ultimlately thought I might die at the Big A since I felt like I failed as a christian.. but I did keep trying.
Have any of you felt that way?
Do you think she was right, that I didn't believe if I couldn't go out w/o forcing myself to?