by diamondblue1974 34 Replies latest jw experiences
Diamondblue,
WOW. I'm so surprised that you suffered this. You, the same man who helped me so much recently and who spoke to me on the telephone in such an articulate and intelligent manner.
You are proof that we can bounce back from what we're put through as kids (mostly!) and I look forward to the next installment of your story.
thanks for sharing,
Sirona
ps. I went to the Bolton convention a few times, at the old stadium. what years were you there?
I am overwhelmed by the response I have had to this as I didnt expect it at all to this extent...thank you everyone who has taken the time to read the post and those that have sent their best wishes.
I have made a point of trying to read everyone elses "my story's" and there is a resounding theme running through the majority of them...largely one of control, abuse and unhappiness. Its good we have a forum where people can share their experiences...yes its true...it is extremely therapeutic.
Sirona I went was dragged to every Bolton Convention there was I believe; then it moved to Maine Road (Manchester City), and then to the M.E.N (or Nynex as it was formerly known) Arena, although i think i only attending one at the M.E.N. My memory doesnt serve me enough to remember the convention titles though....I think I subconciously tried to blank them out
Thanks again everyone
DB74
Yep DB ringing a few bells with me here too.
My mother was a single parent die hard dub (or so I thought) until she married my step-father when I was 11. Reading your story was quite painful as I had very similar experiences.
The thing is, nowadays, (particularly in the UK) their feet wouldn't touch the ground on the way to the Police Station as they were charged with child abuse. JW parents shouldn't have kids. That religion simply has no idea.
Craig
That's quite a story! I'm looking forward to your next installment.
AlanF
Diamond, we have something in common...the spoon... except my mother used a long handled wooden spoon used for stirring buttermilk. She broke one of my older brother's nose with it on one occasion. My father was equally violent when it came to diciplin. At age 14 I confronted him like you did your mom. Not a pretty site, but it was a line in the sand and he knew it.
I too am looking forward to the "rest of the story".
Be well
carmel
Thanks for sharing your story (and you 2 Crumpet), and other's posts. I'm shaking my head in disbelief at people. My 3 kids rock my world and I love them more than anything, all I care about in my lifetime is raising 3 kids who grow up to like themself and to be happy.
My parents did not abuse me physically, although my father said some pretty mean things to me and my siblings because he had low self-esteem and wanted to make sure to pass it onto the next generation. My mother was just plain nuts and instead of taking care of her children or spending any time cleaning the house (our house was filthy when I was growing up), she spent all of her time spying on the neighborhood and made me help her spy on the neighbors when I was a little girl. It was a strange existence.
My way of getting back at my parents is to tell my kids every day that I love them and that they are wonderful. And I never ever say mean things to my kids that I would regret later.
Thank you so much. I feel so much less crazy. I found myself highly emotional through your story. I never allow myself to feel emotions like that (probably part of my conditioning). In this case I couldn't help it. My mother beat the hell out of me several times. Spankings with the belt were routine until I was about 10. At that age my mother resorted to removing privleges from me. I will say though that I believe she was trying to do the right thing.
The older I got the more our relationship changed from mother son to almost, creepily, wife and husband. I so much sympathized with you regarding a mother who didn't remarry. Why should she? She had one built in. That was so confusing. I never knew the role I was to fill. Even now her dependency on me can be felt. The sick part is that I began to depend on it. I needed to feel that. I hate that feeling now. She and others in my hall made me, the son, responsible for her spirituality. They say that I have a gift for public speaking. For that I became well known in my small town. She is and will forever be known as Dominick's mother.
Damn, I so sypathize with you. Our mothers came from the same school of self esteem or lack thereof. My mother spent so much time trying to get away from an oppressive mother and "the truth" as a young person, pushing the limits of what felt good in the world. She tried to commit suicide once, only to be saved by my older sister at age 9. That pain was caused in part by the faith that she so loves now. I wish for the life of me that I could reach her. The question would be, "What could I offer her that would give her the same high as this moral high ground gives her now?" So I leave her to her ignorant bliss, painfully.
10cc's of candy cane licorice love packed tightly into a bent burned bottom spoon. I push back that needle every day
Hi, DB. I can relate. I was beaten with a leather belt, bruised from stem to stern on many occasions, then required to wear clothing to cover up the evidence. I was too scared to report this to anyone, and it was pretty well accepted "discipline" in the '60's anyway. I was an extremely well-behaved child who would have done anything to win my parents' approval.
The sad consequences are that people such as your mother grow up not understanding right from wrong, understanding only pecking order. They can't stand up to those who have power over them, then often brutalize those who do not have any power. They don't even seem to understand the point of discipline, to teach and guide rather than to punish. I don't say I entirely blame them for only doing what they know how to do, but we do all have an inner voice that we need to listen to much more carefully than all of those external voices of arbitrary authority. Men like your mother's "friend" only want to humiliate people into unquestioning obedience, not real morality. That's why there are child molestors in positions of authority within the WT organization and other authoritarian organizations. These men see those without power as people who were put here only to obey them and do their bidding, regardless of right, wrong and harm done. Women especially need to learn that obedience is not morality.
I used to spank my daughter at the meetings, and I can see that she still bears the scars. She has a panic attack at any kind of meeting, religious or not, that reminds her of anything about her Kingdom Hall experience. When she was small, we had fun together, had tea together, talked together, played together, read stories together, and had an affectionate, accepting relationship. And then we went to the Kingdom Hall where children were expected to be better than adults. Sick!
Finally, my inner voice kicked in. My daughter was still young enough to have a good childhood, but (with my consent, I'm sorry to say) she lived with her JW father most of the time. Whenever possible, he would keep her from being able to see me. He would order her to another room when I was present, call me vile names in her presence, consistently behaving like the jackass that he was. But he lost his position as a elder and eventually became inactive. He recently reactivated himself (being one to never learn his lesson) and married a new JW wife.
Today my daughter is not a JW and just finished her master's degree in chemistry, but she still has issues. We talk a lot and keep working through them. Things are 'way better than they used to be and getting better still.
Congratulations on listening to your inner voice.
that's some story db, i really feel for you. it reminds me of the way some of the kids were treated at the kh i attended, a lot of whom are no longer in the borg. i am so happy for you re your forthcoming wedding, all the best
Yes, hummmm all those beatings! A lot of former generations grew up this way unfortunately, I was not spared either. Lets stop it at our generation! And running away... there is more of hours of discussion on that one! Glad you guys are all HERE!
Diamondblue, glad to hear your story. I look forward to reading more! I share some of the experiences I have read on this board and it is amazing that we found each other to share! I am moved...!
out of the box
