Another long one...sorry, but you are asking for it by encouraging me!!!
Hiya!
Esther: very good advice. I need to start writing things down. Right now I am just reading and researching, but not taking many notes...so I can't remember details I've found one day to the next. I will also keep it simple...one fact at a time...instead of little things all over the place...hmm, maybe if I applied that to my posts they would not be so long???
Out: Excellent insight on the whole Mother thing; I never really thought about how she may feel that whatever I do reflects on her competency as a parent. I get it. So, even though I am grown up I still have mommy 'raising' me...quite understandable and actually not surprising...I don't think mothers ever quite want their children to 'grow up'.
As far as working goes, I actually feel extremely lucky to be able to stay at home with my kids. Sometimes I wish I could get out of this house and away from my kids but when I really think about it, there are many, many parents who would love to stay at home but cannot. So I actually agree with you; and my father, but that's not my point. My point is that whenever I think about possibly just going back to work early (when my daughter turns 2), even if it's just a faraway thought, he gets upset and tells me I absolutely cannot go to work. It's one thing to disagree or tell me that he personally thinks I should stay home, but it's another thing for him to command me to continue staying at home. These are only wishful thoughts that I sometimes have...I do enjoy staying home and am thankful I can. But it's sometimes nice to think of other options, if only to know that they are always there. It's that whole 'loss of power' thing. Sometimes I feel trapped in my life; husband works two jobs so I never see him, we have one car only and he takes it, and I basically am stuck at home with two toddlers. Same routine every day. There are millions of parents in the exact same situation so I don't feel any self-pity, in fact I think I have it pretty good. Still, sometimes it gets to be too much I think to myself , "well, I can go back to work anytime I want"...and that makes me feel better just knowing I do have control over my life. So, I just want my parents to respect that I do have control over my own life and that certain decisions will be mine and mine alone. God, I feel like some teenager complaining about mom and dad. Sheesh! My petty complaints aside, I really do have a terrific relationship with them--I think it's just that I've never really gone off and started a life without them, which I have no intention of doing...I love being so close to them, so they are involoved in every aspect of my life. We are an extremely close family and I won't even leave the state (I would love to move north somewhere) because I couldn't fathom living farther away from my mom than the already 2 hour distance. We actually have a lifelong pact: where she goes I go, and vice versa. I simply want her in my life every step of the way. She is truly my best friend. We have gone through so much together--I've been there for her at her worst times and she for me. We have a bond that is unbelievably strong. I don't want to sound boastful..it's just that I am filled with pride...I am so lucky to have her as a mother. Heck, she is lucky to have me for a daughter too! Hee hee.
Oh, well, I am getting too 'deep' in my thoughts...I have to stop being so negative about this...who knows? maybe , hopefully, that "where I go you go" pact could actually prompt her to take a look at my soon-to-be-validated thoughts about the JW's and just maybe she'll take an objective look for herself. Can't hurt to try, right?
Kat
