ITHINKISEE Update: Nothing to tell.

by ithinkisee 12 Replies latest jw friends

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  I quit!

  I believe timing is everything. If the timing doesn't feel right don't push it. An opening to talk about it may come up without you forcing it. I'm sure the things you are learning are changing your attitude toward the WT. I would think she will notice some of these changes and may ask you what is going on. You seem like a smart person so I think you will be able to figure out the right time to address the issue. I don't envy you. I remember the conficting feelings I had when I left. I was exuberant over the freedom I was experiencing on leaving. On the other hand I felt awful over the pain I was causing my wife and our friends. But it had to be done.
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  Check_Your_Premises

  This is something I sent to someone recently talking about a conversation I had with my wife.

  I did pretty good at staying focused on her. I also didn't approach it with an agenda or a plan so much. I just tried to talk to her as a person. I think you know what I mean. Plans and talking points are good, but you really just have to go with the moment. When you try to force something in the moment it doesn't work. You just kind of have to let it come. If the opportunity doesn't present itself then dont try to force it. IT is an art, not a science. Have a plan, but don't force it. It is kind of like comedy. Dont try to be funny, just be funny. The second you try, everyone senses it, and you aren't funny anymore. Start the conversation, let the moments come, and be comfortable in the confidence that they will present themselves.

  Additionally, the problem I always have with talking to dubs, is that they really aren't interested in what I think. They are kind of taken aback when I tell them this. They deny it, but I point out that nothing I could say would ever be considered by them if it challenged their beliefs. They just ask what I think so they can hit me with the talking points I have already heard a million times. On the other hand you expect me to be open to theirs. They see themselves as a teacher. I am supposed to be a student. Another way of looking at this is they are giving me a sales pitch.

  But that is not a real conversation between two people. Who wants to hear a sales pitch all the time. If you aren't going to come to me like a person, who is genuinely interested in me beyond whatever it is you are trying to sell, then I really am not going to be interested. How am I supposed to care what they think if they don't care what I think.

  You have to have the same tack. You can't just be about your pitch. You have to talk to her as a person.

  It sounds like you have built this up to much in your mind. That is almost a guarantee of failure. You obviously have good instincts, because the moment didn't feel right, so you didn't push it.

  Maybe just talk to her and ask her how she feels about you, and your involvement. I bet you will get a lot more honesty if you take it from that point.
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  ithinkisee

  MJ:
  I'm not making it a big production. In fact, I am being (and plan on being) very low-key about it. I just have a rough framework in place. Most importantly I have just been trying to make sure I have "most" of the off the wall non-sequitor rebuttals JWs come up with.

  CYP:
  Good points ... especially when my father-in-law elder comes around. I actually think he will seriously contemplate what I have to say, but I won't be surprised if he runs through the stock answers first as a test. With my wife, like I said, I just have a rough framework in place. Most importantly I have just been trying to make sure I have "most" of the off the wall non-sequitor rebuttals JWs come up with.

  iQuit!:
  I am planning on working the timing out right. I have purposely left all my books out (Interlinears, additional Bible Translations, etc) so she can see I am up to something. Having a zillion bibles and reference books out isn't "me" ... so I am sure she knows something is up. I am trying to get her to ask what I am looking at.

  To All ...

  Thanks again for the support and feedback. I know if I don't do something soon you all are gonna get tired of me whining on this board ... heheh.

  Don't worry ... the pressure is GOOD.

  -ithinkisee