Depression and JW's

by damselfly 23 Replies latest jw friends

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  damselfly

  
  I don't wish to hijack the chronic fatigue thread so I started this one.

  When I was a teen I suffered from severe depression brought on by emotional abuse, sexual abuse and the JW way of handling it. I couldn't physically get out of bed, didn't know what day it was, had no desire to eat and dropped below 100 lbs. I wanted to die but didn't have the energy to do it to myself. And I didn't want my little brother to be the one to find me. I should have been on medication and probably hospitalized for a pysch work up. Instead I got told that it was all "my conscience bothering me" and that I should confess and repent my sins before God. (meaning of course the elders) So I'm okay now, but it took years to get here by myself.

  The point of this ramble is how was your depression handled by the JW's and/or your family? Did you get the help you needed? Where you told it was your conscience and to pray? What brought your depression on?

  Damselfly

  edit for spelling
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  Dustin

  My depression was brought on by low self esteem. I never fit in with anyone, and was forced to let all my hopes and dreams fall by the wayside because of the stupid JW rules. I was constantly picked on at school for being a JW, and was always picked on and treated like crap by the other JW kids.

  Depression runs in our family history. Although I never had the physical or sexual abuse some endured, I had alot of emotional abuse to endure. When I look back at it all it makes me sad to know that right now there's another kid out there who is going through the same things.
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  damselfly

  The emotional abuse has been the hardest for me to "get over". Out of the blue it can all come back to slap my face again. I always felt like a misfit as well, which is why I love this board, we all have the same background more or less.

  Damselfly
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  katiekitten

  Damselfly I cant pretend that anything near as bad happened to me, but when I was depressed I was told to pioneer!
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  damselfly

  Don't forget to pray Katie!

  Damselfly
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  Dustin

  I realize that I am always going to have my struggles with depression. But, things are so much better now after I left the source of all the abuse. Damselfly, you are very right in that it does help to talk to others who have had similar experiences. I was relieved to know that I wasn't the only one who felt like this.

  When I think back on how the fear and guilt controlled my life it makes me angry. I find release in writing songs about my experiences. It helps to tell things from my perspective. I spent so many years being told that I was wrong, and the elders were right. Now it's my turn to be heard.

  For as much healing that has occured, there is always a part of me that bleeds. I don't know if that is ever going to go away. In the end maybe I don't want it to because all of the sadness and pain of the past remind me of how good I feel now. I wish I could change the past, but I have come to realize that it doesn't do any good to let the past hold me down from living my life the way I want in the future.
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  talesin

  Ugg, depression as a kid. I remember telling my mother I just wanted to be dead, all the time. She said she thought it was a 'phase', years later, when we discussed my deep hatred of being alive. Whatever!

  So why don't they get it? Because they would have to start examining why they are so depressed, and take personal responsibility for their lives. It's much easier for them to stay in the cult, live in denial, and follow the 'rules'. Martyrdom is a common JW trait ,,, like a friend said to me years ago,

  Get down off the cross, tal, we need the wood!

  ( lol, that is a joke, but he meant it, too, and I listened! Sometimes a good look in the mirror is the best therapy. )

  t
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  Honesty

  The point of this ramble is how was your depression handled by the JW's and/or your family?

  They all viewed me as a 'weak' person. The ex told me in front of the elders that I was a spiritual baby.

  Did you get the help you needed?

  Eventually. After I realised the depression was brought on by external influences (the 'love' I saw being displayed to people at the KH).

  Where you told it was your conscience and to pray?

  They knew better than even to suggest it after I told them (including my CO) there was no evidence of real love in the borg.

  What brought your depression on?

  WTBTS doctrines and the JW cult.
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  damselfly

  For as much healing that has occured, there is always a part of me that bleeds. I don't know if that is ever going to go away. In the end maybe I don't want it to because all of the sadness and pain of the past remind me of how good I feel now.

  Dustin ~ All of our life experiences, good and bad, come together to make us who we are. The most kind, wise and living people that I know, had horrible early experiences but learned and grew from them. The ones that buried the past and denied it are awful and bitter. It's great that you can look back and feel good today.

  I look forward to hearing you and your band!

  Damselfly
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  BrendaCloutier

  I don't think I was actually depressed as a kid or teen JW, but a friend and I would write dramatic suicide notes and threaten to give them to our parents and then they'd know just how much they'd miss us if we were gone! It was a self esteem taken for granted seen but not heard you're not allowed to use the word "no" thing. It wasn't until later that real depression kicked in, when I didn't have a way out of my marriage. Then the depression caused by alcohol abuse and fouling up my brain wiring.