This is truly one of the most ridiculous stories in the Bible. Even when my kids were young, they said, "This couldn't have happened." As always, if you want a complete copy of the book, drop me a PM with your email address.
THE HARD WAY TO START A FIRE
One of the funniest stories in the Bible is recorded in Judges, chapter 15. It deals with that ancient strongman, Samson. Here is how it goes:
Samson is in a bad mood. The Philistines have outsmarted him by correctly answering a riddle that he thought was impossible. So he goes to live with his father. When he comes back to visit his wife, it turns out that that his father in law, thinking that Samson had left for good, has given his wife to someone else. The father in law tries to make up for the mistake by offering his wife’s younger sister in her place. Samson declines the offer and decides that he will take his revenge by burning the Philistine’s crops. After the fire, the Philistines become rather peeved with everyone involved, so to end the matter, they burn Samson’s ex-wife and her father. This infuriates Samson even more, so he goes forth smiting the Philistines in a great slaughter.
This entire soap opera takes only nine verses.
“What is so funny about this story?”, you rightly ask. Well, it has to do with how Samson went about starting the crops on fire.
If you wanted to start this fire, how would you do it? I would probably get a few torches, and maybe a few friends, wait for a dry night when the wind was right, and then go on a fire lighting escapade. Dry straw burns very easily, so it wouldn’t take much to get a roaring fire going. If there were any sentries, don’t worry, Samson is a powerful person, he could bop them on the head, and away you go.
It sounds like a fairly simple procedure, but that’s not how Samson does it.
“And Samson said to them, ‘This time I shall be blameless in regard to the Philistines, when I do them mischief.’ So Samson went and caught three hundred foxes, and took torches; and he turned them tail to tail and put a torch between each pair of tails. And when he had set fire to the torches, he let the foxes go into the standing grain of the Philistines, and burned up the shocks and the standing grain, as well as the olive orchards.“ - Judges 15:3-5 (RSV)
At first blush, this story seems improbable, but when you get down to determining the actual logistics required, it takes a leap from the merely unlikely into the supremely ridiculous. Let’s begin.
Where do you get 300 foxes?
Like most wild animals, foxes are wary when it comes to humans. You can’t issue a fox call and expect droves of them to come running.They generally live in pairs. Once a year, a typical fox family will expand from the two adults, adding from one to ten cubs. These cubs remain at home for about five weeks before leaving to make their own way. It is likely that Samson would have found his foxes in dens of two. The extended families are in existence for only a short time, and he would have had little use for baby foxes, anyway.
In the United States, the fox population density is approximately 0.39 foxes per square mile. In some areas, such as England, the density is higher. Although I was not able to get this figure for ancient Palestine, I think it would be safe to say that its fox density would be no higher than the U.S., due to the heat and poor supply of food in the Middle East.
This means that in order to gather three hundred foxes, Samson would have to depopulate an area of at least 769 square miles, or 27.7 miles by 27.7 miles. He would need to capture 150 dens in this area. If the dens were evenly spaced, there would be one den on every fifth section of land. (Out West, we measure our land in units of one square mile, called sections.)
How long would this take?
Well, in order to simply travel across this grid, visiting each den in the most efficient manner, Samson would need to walk 443 miles. According to the standard measurements of Bible times, this would take 22 days.But, it would not be that easy. The above calculation assumes that he knows exactly where every den is located, and could go directly to it. It assumes that every den is optimally placed, so that travel could be minimized. It ignores the fact that trapping foxes is a two step process - setting the trap, then checking back on it later. It also would require him to pick up each pair of foxes and take them along to the next den, so that by the time he was done, he would be leading a battalion of 300 animals. And, of course, it assumes that he has 300 traps and that every trap catches a fox every time.
So, it is not simply a matter of going out and scooping a bunch of foxes. The most efficient method to cover this territory would be as follows:
Samson establishes a base camp, where he builds cages. He then goes on a two day expedition, setting his traps over a 40 mile area. (It would take two days to reach the furthest parts of this territory and return). He would then double back over his steps, emptying the traps and taking the foxes back to the base camp. This is not without difficulty, since wild animals are known to gnaw off their foot in order to get out of a trap, and a lame, dead or absent fox is no good to Samson. We will ignore this minor problem.
Every two days he would be back at his cages, where he could feed and water his foxes, drop off the new ones, and set out for the next expedition. He would need to make eleven expeditions of this nature, bringing the total time spent to 44 days, assuming that every trap caught a fox every time, and none escaped or died. We are also going to ignore the time spent gathering food for all the animals that are kept in captivity, the building of the cages, the difficulty in walking up to 20 miles with as many as 27 live foxes in his care, and the gathering of food for himself.
Realistically, this process would probably take three or four months, but we will give the Bible the benefit of every doubt, and pencil in six weeks.
So much for the easy part of the job. The next task is really hard.
Binding the Foxes
The scripture goes on to say that after gathering the foxes, he then “turned them tail to tail and put a torch between each pair of tails”. This isn’t very descriptive, so we’re going to have to use our imaginations a bit.In order to attach a torch to the tails of a pair of foxes, it would be necessary to line up the foxes side by side and tie the tails together. Then the torch could be tied to the bound pair of tails. You could not light the torch until all foxes were bound, otherwise, the fire would be out of control, before you could complete the process. You would be discovered too soon.
This is easier said than done. Most animals, even domestic ones, do not like to have their tails handled. Tying two foxes together by their tails would undoubtedly cause the pair to squeal and thrash about, trying to free themselves by escaping, gnawing their tails, or killing their partner.
Picture in your mind a pair of frantic, squealing, thrashing, biting animals. Now, set them to one side, and do the next pair and the next. Could you imagine the commotion that would be going on by the time he neared the end, with 150 pairs of these foxes?
Now, he must go back and catch the first pair, assuming that they are both still alive, and light the torch. The pair could then be released into the fields.
I think you get the picture. Keep in mind, that in order for this prank of Samson’s to work, stealth would have to be of the essence. If the Philistines caught wind of what he was doing, it would all be over, so it must be done with no one noticing.
I have actually ignored yet another flaw in this story. Under my fox gathering scenario, in order to minimize travel time, Samson would have built his pens in the center of the territory where he would gather the foxes. He would then have to transport all 300 live foxes to an area where no one would have seen his activities. This would be an absolute minimum of 13.8 miles.
The ConclusionThe rest of the story pretty much writes itself. After the foxes are released, they run, panic stricken, through the fields of the Philistines. Some of the foxes, undoubtedly, would have caught fire, turning into running, screaming, live torches. In the end, all of the foxes would have died. Either they would have burned in the fire or starved to death, since it would be pretty hard to sneak up on food with another fox tied to them. Where is the SPCA when you need them?
With regard to Samson, it is clear that he did not have a mental capacity to match his formidable physical strength.
Realistically though, there is no way that this story could have happened. Only an idiot would spend two months of hard work executing a plan that could be accomplished in one night. As well, we have underestimated the time required; overlooked multiple logistical difficulties in the gathering, storing, and transporting of the foxes; assumed that the binding and lighting of the foxes is actually possible; and most of all, believed that the Philistines would not notice 300 squealing, thrashing, flaming foxes that had been systematically built up in a huge cage complex.
So, the next time you ask someone “Got a light?”, think twice about what they may go through to supply it.