Hello Everyone,
I thought I would give a quick bio of myself. I was raised a dubber. Every stinkin' family member of mine is a JW including a huge extended family. I am a fourth generation dub (out of 5). I am the only member of my entire family to leave. I come from a long line of missionaries, bethelites, elders, and mic handlers. My great grandpa and grandma were of the "annointed".(That sounds so stupid now) Anywho, here I am waking up from the dream that is The Jehovah's Witnesses.. or was that a nightmare. Fortunately, and I mean really fortunately, my wife did the fade with me two years ago. She is taking it much better than I. I left kicking and screaming, in a psychological sense. I suffer from alot of depression and anxiety. My parents are really nice people and so are my siblings and it breaks my heart to be disconnected from them. I still fear the Witnesses because I fear never being able to see my family again. On the other hand, I am ready to live my life. So I am kind of gearing up to lay everything on the line with the old fam. I'm not sure if I should just continue to fade and let the chips fall where they may or maybe write a DA letter. I'm not sure yet. I never thought that I would ever not be a JW. I was groomed to be a missionary/elder/magazine distributer. I never was depressed before but my mind always asked questions, and I would just put them on the back burner and try to memorize the ridiculous answers from the reasoning book. Finally, the old body couldn't take it and I left.
As far as my beliefs, I sort of believe that beliefs are just a way to move around the planet and get out of bed in the morning. To realize that my father, who is a smart, compassionate man, is living and will die in a complete illusion makes me realize that truth must be known and not believed. Unfortunately, I don't know anything much at this point so I still believe in certain things, (like beliefs are illusions - ha). I think that the bible is a collection of myths, and to me that is not a negative thing. I think myths are the buffer between ideology and truth. I think that a mind exposed to truth too quickly can be harmful, but maybe not. I spend a ridiculous amount of time asking myself, "Who am I?", "What the hell am I doing here?", "I can't believe I'm not going to live forever?", and "Who is this strange man in my living room?" (Just kidding on the last one.). Sometimes I'm grateful for the experience, since now I am able to see how an entire life can be squandered on an illusion. Most the time I'm just pissed about not going college, although I am starting in the Fall.(In my third decade of life). I am aware of the pain of many of you and the abuse you suffered with this organization. I did not suffer from much abuse other than stifling an inquisitive mind at a young age and threatening the loss of my family.
Currently, I am trying to come to terms with why we humans seek comfort in ideology/religeon. This gets into the whole fear and desire thing and gets very hairy, since most the time we don't even know we are doing it. Thanks for listening.
Mil