I was such a b_tch

by Pierced Angel 13 Replies latest jw friends

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  Pierced Angel

  When I was a witness:

  I used to think I was better than my in-laws. I used to think they were materialistic, wordly and didn't raise their kids right.

  I used to tell my non-jw husband that if he didn't come to the meetings that we wouldn't be together forever. I'd say that when he'd say something like "I'll love you forever".

  I'd take the $10 in the birthday card my Grandma would send me, but I never sent her a birthday card or thank you note.

  I would judge each and every song on the radio according to it's lyrics and if it was "bad", I'd turn it off, but not before giving a little speech on why it was "bad".

  I don't like to think about how judgemental I was and it's still hard to break that sort of thinking, but I want to make up for lost time with the people who still love me even though I was such a self righteous witness bitch. I actually used to just say things about my relatives in front of my husband or mother, but acted nice to their faces. I'm ashamed of that, but my husband has seen me make a lot of changes and is really happy that I'm more open and loving towards people now. It's been a humbling experience to face my relatives and tell them that I was wrong. My mother, (still a witness) thinks I'll come back to the "truth" if she tries hard enough to encourage me. But when I look at her sad, negative way of thinking and lack of real living, it totally turns me off to religion and I'm thanking God that I don't have to grow into that kind of person. I realize that I didn't gain all the bad habits or thinking from just being a Witness, but I believe it strengthened my bad habits and I'm so happy to be free.

  Anyone else with relatives or spouses that you treated badly when you were a witness? How did you or how are you making it up now?

  Anne

  "Too much of a good thing, is wonderful."

  Mae West
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  ozziepost

  Pierced Angel,
  I'm not in a position to comment personally but I would like to thank and commend you for such a lovely post. Well done! It's late at night here in Oz and so you have provided very warming thoughts for the end of the day. Thanks.

  Cheers,
  Ozzie

  "There are two ways of moving men, interest and fear" Napoleon
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  peterstride

  I didn't treat my mom very nice when I was a witness, and I kept trying to convert her and tell her she was wrong for not being a witness anymore (she had left the borg when I was very young).

  Well, once I read Ray Franz's books and I realized that I had been living a lie, it was humbling to admit to her that I had been wrong. It was the same thing with my relatives...which made me realize just how non-judgmental all these "wordly" people were for letting me be myself (even though I was judging them and sometimes not wanting to talk to them) while I was in the borg, and how nice they actually were as persons.

  By the way, my favourite Mae West quote is from a 1932 movie she was in when she said, "Honey, when I'm good, I'm good...but when I'm bad, I'm better!"

  Peter Stride
  Toronto, Canada
  PS. Pierced Angel, I don't know if you saw my question to you in another post, but I was wondering if a Saturday afternoon/evening get together in Toronto would be easier for you since you have to drive a long way. You can e-mail me privately at [email protected].
  We'll be having our next get together sometime this month.
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  Pierced Angel

  Hi Peter,

  Yea, I think a Saturday would work best. Where do you guys meet up? I'm not real familiar with the old watering holes, mostly the tourist areas. I'd like to get to know some of the local's hotspots though.

  Anne

  "Too much of a good thing, is wonderful."

  Mae West
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  Pierced Angel

  Hey Ozzie,

  I sure feels good to be able to say I "used" to be like that and know that I'm not anymore (most days) some relatives still have spoilt, bratty children and there's just no denying that!.

  night,

  Anne

  "Too much of a good thing, is wonderful."

  Mae West
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  Daisymay

  Pierced - thanks for the post - I could see that attitude in so many so-called witnesses especially the women - in my congregation (I never considered myself one in my heart). But I did want to say that one of my younger cousins (who at the time was 12) and I was like a big sis to, you know babysat when he was little, taught him how to tie his shoes, played games, etc. Anyway, I had been disassociated by the JW's for around a year when in the middle of an ordinary conversation he said something like - "how long have you been out of the truth?...yeah, you can tell" and rolled his eyes at me. I don't recall the exact content of the discussion, but I was just blown away at the way he put me down so quickly and easily, he had never talked to me like that before. Oh well, I hope one day he will come around - Josh if your reading - good for you, I love you kid!!

  daisy
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  jurs

  Hi P. Angel,

  I think I was a bigger Bitch than You. I did all the above and then some. I would go through periods of threatening divorce if my husband didn't go to the meetings , so he would attend a few and then stop going because I was no longer on my rampage.
  I looked down my nose and felt disdain for all Catholics. I was raised one. When my mother- in law would talk about church or God , I would smile and say nice things and then after she left I would tell my husband what a hypocrite she was because she had a boyfriend and led a sinful life
  All the while I didn't notice my own hypocrisy.
  Jurs
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  sennabrasil94

  I can understand what your saying, I Know Jw and how they treat people who are not of their same beliefs Reminds me of raceisim.
  But any way the point is you can reflect back to see how your way of thout was and repent of it. who is worldy like know? I say the witnesses that look down and judge others who are not of their own (race) faith.

  Reading this over it looks strange to me, I hope you understant what I'm trying to say some time I'm miss understood. I think you have grown mentaly by saying what you did

  Thank you for your Honesty
  Senna
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  think41self

  Anne,

  Thank you for putting your thoughts into words. I used to feel the same way about the kind of person I was as a "good little Witness", and you have described it perfectly! I was a self righteous, holier than thou little bitch. Especially in my younger days, before life had taught me a few lessons. Now I am trying to make up for that. Not so much with family, because all mine are still dubs...and they're a screwed up bunch I don't want to spend time with anyway. But for the rest of humanity, and for myself, losing that judgementalism was the greatest freedom for me...the freedom of the spirit!

  think41self

  "When agnostics die, do they go to the great perhaps"?
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  Billygoat

  Thank goodness I have changed so much since then too! I met up with a "worldly" friend of mine, who knew me when I was a JW. She was the one that took me in after I was DFed and kicked out of my parents house. I went crazy with a "worldly" lifestyle, while living with her. A few years ago, when I started attending a church - I could tell she was thinking, "Oh great! Here we go again!" But last week when I talked to her she gave me the biggest compliment. She said, "You know what? You are a much better person today than you were years ago all devout and religious in that cult." I smiled and said, "Lord, I hope so!"

  Billygoat