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| | Don't Try To Convert Me, Please | | By: Lewis Grizzard | | http://www.maconareaonline.com/news.asp?id=11244 | Sat June 25, 2005 11:44 AM ET
MACON,GA.- Religious freedom is a wonderful thing. The search for it and the need for it are what brought about this country in the first place.
If we didn't have religious freedom, then we might have somebody saying, "Worship the way we tell you to, or we'll kill you." Tragically, this has been said often throughout history.
I have nothing against any religion. If somebody doesn't believe exactly as I believe, that is fine with me. If more people thought like that, then the world likely would be a much safer place in which to live.
I would, however, like to address one particular religious group and ask them a favor.
I would like to tell the Jehovah's Witnesses once and for all that I am not interested in discussing their beliefs with them.
I was never interested before, I am not interested now, and I will not be interested in the future.
As I stated earlier, if you want to be a Jehovah's Witness, that's your business. But, please, take me off your list of possible converts, and don't come to my house anymore.
My grandfather had a lot of trouble with Jehovah's Witnesses. He referred to himself as a "foot-washing Baptist," but he quit going to church when he discovered ministers were using notes while delivering their sermons.
He believed, as was his right, ministers should be guided by the Lord while they are addressing their flock and the use of notes was, in his mind, probably the work of the devil.
Jehovah's Witness missionaries began to call on my grandfather. They wanted to convert him and sell him their pamphlets.
My grandfather was a kind, patient man, but not one to be riled. He had politely told about 8 million Jehovah's Witness missionaries to please not knock on his door anymore, he had had all he could stand.
As soon as he saw the next group of missionaries pull into his yard, he got his shotgun and explained to the visitors he preferred they be off his property in three seconds. They complied with his wishes in two.
I was working at my house the other day. I heard my dog barking. My dog, Catfish, the black Lab, always barks when someone drives into my driveway.
I looked out my window and saw two women standing at the bottom of the steps. Catfish's barking, with an occasional growl thrown in, had stopped the women dead in their tracks.
I walked out and asked their business.
"We're Jehovah's Witnesses," one of the women said. "We would like to talk to you."
"I'm sorry," I replied, "but this black dog is trained to eat Jehovah's Witnesses. Got two last week."
The ladies left, Catfish went back to his nap, and I went back to my work.
Again, I have nothing against Jehovah's Witnesses except they bugged my grandfather, and they've hit on me a number of times, as well, and I'm very happy with the religious beliefs I happen to have at this point in my life, thank you, and I don't want my mind changed. And that is my right.
Catfish, incidentally, feels the same way. |
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