I haven't been posting much lately

Dustin

I haven't been posting much lately. I needed to take some time away, and figure out how I really felt about my feelings on life and religion in general. This website really heped me gain a little closure on my exit from the Jehovah's Witnesses at a time when I really needed it. But for me the battle isn't over. Although my in-laws are great, and my wife is awesome I feel something is not right.

I cannot help but be angry about things still. I know living in the past is counter-productive, but I wish things could be different. My parents are losing me, and I am losing them. I keep having dreams that my dad dies, and they've been haunting me in my sleep. Yet as much as I want to reach out I realize they have never been there when I needed them the most. I have always tried to be there for everyone. I have always been the wise one when it comes to giving advice, the one who would do anything for someone, if they would just be my friend. The one who just wanted to feel like he was a part of things. But sadly, I realize I'm not. It's time to move on. Just when I think I have everything under control my emotions always get the best of me.

So I decided to go back to school. I'm going to get the degree I should have gotten long ago. I'm going to live life one day at a time the way I want to live it. My parents can call me for once. I'm done always being the wise one, and the one who always looks out for everyone else. I don't know how I feel about God, and just maybe this time it will be alright. Life is too short to always be worrying, even though now I can't stop thinking about work even though I was there 12 1/2 hours today.

I'm just hoping to finally get control of the inner demons haunting me. I'm going to get over this, and I'm going to be happy being me for once. Thanks for listening.

Low-Key Lysmith

That's the best attitude you could possibly have if you want to feel true inner peace, Dustin. I was racked by guilt and insecurity for years after I got out. Still today, I know my 2 sisters barely, if at all. My Dad's on the verge of emotional collapse, my Mom died a year ago and he's detiriorating rapidly. They never call me either. I feel like I havve TRULY accepted it and am really very happy and healthy now, but it took a DAMN long time. It will get better for you too man.

Whiskeyjack

No problem Dustin. I was and still am a big brother to four siblings so I know what you mean. I still haven't made my mind up about God or the meaning of existence either but I've decided to "try" to be happy just "being here" and take the rest as it comes.

It's great that you're going back to school (hopefully you can study in an area of interest to you-I got stuck with a business program since it was all my bank would help pay for). The last couple of years I've hit one of those "valleys" in life (and if my second sib. hadn't stepped up to the plate, I probably wouldn't be here now - so life does offer one "payback") and have had to confront stuff like my JW upbringing and its after effects that I thought I had put behind me but am trying to move forward again.

I've learned to really value the people who "are there" for everyone else around them since they're what makes life bearable and balance my disappointment in humans in general.

W.

homesteader

Dustin,

Hat's off to you taking care of yourself and finding out who you are. Sounds like you've done your penance so don't feel guilty about doing something for you. It's ok not have answers. Lose the worrying...it doesn't do any good to think about what happened yesterday or what will happen tomorrow. "Worry is like rust. It erodes happiness." A book I'm reading that is very helpful is The Power of Now. It' helps keep your mind in the present and accept things for how they are. Don't forget to do something FUN in life also to balance all the work and study.

Best Wishes

Frog

Hi Dustin matey, I really respect your logic, and your being pro-active about improving your life situation:)

I fully concur with your feeling angry about the loss of your familiy. It has been a 3.5 years for me now since leaving the org, and although I have absolutely resigned myself to having fully lost my eldest sister, mother and young siblings at this point, there are still moments, possibly fortnightly when I feel angry about that loss. Our differences seem to trivial to me during moments like that, which leaves me feeling so frustrated. Those moments pass thouh, until the next time. Each time you get better at dealing with them, allowing yourself to feel angry, disappointed and frustrated for that moment.

University study is the absolutely most wonderful thing I believe you can do for yourself when it comes to sorting out what you believe. University teaches you to critically analyse all new information, and forces you question what you already know and believe. It also gives you confidence to trust yourself, and they way you think. In a way it changes you, but in many ways it just helps to draw out what is already there, inside of you. I think it's a brilliant decision you have made. It's a huge adjustment to make from full-time employment, believe me I know! But you will adjust, and you will love your new environment. You will be like a big sponge sucking up all the new information. If your Uni has a philosophy society you might consider joining, just go along and listen to the debates, they're fascinating and mine opening.

All the best Dustin matey. Keep in touch, and all the best with organising all the tedious formalities that go with a University enrollment. In a few months you will be settled in and you will be congratulating yourself for taking the plunge and making this committment.

By the way what course have you decided to enrol in?

Love from froglett xx

PaulJ

Good luck Dustin, although with such a positive frame of mind, you will probably make your own luck. Just drop in from time to time and let us know how you are getting on!

All the best

Paul

BluesBrother

Good luck and best wishes Dustin

Life is too short

True words that I wish I had learned a long time ago

Dragonlady76

Life is to short, and you never know what tomorrow may bring, so live life as if everyday could be your last. Enjoy your lovely wife, play with your beautiful kids and be glad that you have your health. Your parents are choosing to shun you, it's not your fault and you cannot allow others to control your emotions. Going back to school is a great, you will feel challenged and good about doing something for yourself and your family.

DL76

kls

Good for you Dustin ,there is not much you can do about your parents but there is a whole world out there for you to live your life and going back to school will help open it. Go for it !!!

whyamihere

Dustin,

I am very proud of you. Listen I know things are hard and it is unfair. Just look at where you are today. You are finally doing what you want. What you think is right. That is awesome! I will cheer you on in whatever you do! I promise I will. Even if it is to full fill your dream and a Male Stripper wearing a black leather speedo with metal studs! I will pull out my ones sit with Danielle and get myself some tips!(ha ha ha does that happen?)

Anyway I know what it is like losing your parents. It's like I am losing my Mom to a point. I am always making the damn calls and trying to talk and keep some kind of relationship. With my Sister I have to run and hide...God the stories I want to tell you to make you laugh your funny EVIL laugh. I know how you feel being the wise one always trying to keep peace and have everyone get along and Fricken be normal and happy! God I know how much work that is. I know how much it sucks being the middle person!

Hang in there Dustin...I am here. We all are here no matter what! Soon I am going out with your guys again and I may have to crash at your place or steps maybe front yard..Well were ever I happen to pass out.

Brooke

I haven't been posting much lately

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