Well, I'm back. After residing in the real world for the last five days, I am pleased to return to cyberspace with another installment of my book.
First of all, thanks for all the nice comments everyone. I have sent out more copies this morning, and if anyone else wants a formatted copy of the entire book, just drop me your email address.
As well, I am aware that James Patrick Holding (aka Robert Turkel) has published a very short and inadequate refutation of my last article. I have never engaged him myself, however the editor the Skeptical Review (Farrell Till) has debated him on numerous occasions with predictable and humorous results. Here is one of Till's articles about Turkel: http://www.infidels.org/library/modern/farrell_till/turkel1.html
KILL ‘EM AGAIN GOD, THE OLD FASHIONED WAY
There’s nothing that the Bible likes better than a good, old fashioned, smiting. In fact, the Bible writers liked killing so much, that sometimes, they couldn’t restrain themselves from killing the same people several times. This undoubtedly felt so good at the time that they didn’t worry about the apologetic problems that would arise later.
This chapter deals with some of the more obvious ones.
PHARAOH'S REMARKABLE HORSES
Going once:
In response to Pharaoh's hard heartedness in not letting the Israelites leave, God sent ten plagues upon
So, there they go. All of the Egyptians livestock are now dead.
Going twice:
Unfortunately, the dead animals haven’t learned their lesson, so when plague 10 rolls around , they get targeted again. Exodus 12:29 informs us: “And at midnight, Jehovah struck every firstborn in Egypt, from the Pharaoh's firstborn, who was to sit on his throne, to the firstborn of the prisoners of war in the dungeon, and all the firstborn of cattle.”
Notice that “every firstborn in ” is killed. This would mean every firstborn of every family of humans and animals. Cattle are specifically listed. I wonder what they did to deserve this notoriety. They always seem so unassuming. They must be plotting something.
Now, how is it that the firstborn of animals are killed, when all of the animals had already been killed in plague 5? Please note that if every firstborn is killed, that would also include horses. I bring this up because it becomes important in a minute.
Going three times?
Well, stubborn Pharaoh still hasn’t learned his lesson. After a momentary lapse where he lets the Israelites go, he changes his mind and chases after them. Exodus 14:9 points out: “And the Egyptians pursued them, and overtook them camping by the sea, all the Pharaoh's chariot-ponies and cavalry horses and his troops, by Pi-Hahiroth, in front of Baal-Sephan.”
The Israelites must have been moving slowly indeed, if Pharaoh overtook them on twice-dead ponies. In spite of the remarkable accomplishments of these dead steeds, they get it one more time. In Exodus 14:23, the washes over the Egyptians, killing them, their ponies, and their cavalry horses.
It’s too bad these horses were so thoroughly killed. These remarkable animals would surely have made valuable breeding stock.
The Amalekites - Three Time Losers
The Amalekites caught the brunt of God’s anger several times. Their first death was recorded in 1 Samuel 15:7,8: “And Saul defeated the Amalekites from Havilah as far as Shur, which is East of Egypt. And he took Agag, the king of the Amalekites alive, and utterly destroyed all the people with the edge of the sword.”
So, no more Amalekites, right? Wrong! Shortly after, while Saul was still King and David was a military leader, they return. Not bad for a tribe that was utterly destroyed. 1 Samuel 27:8,9 says: “Now David and his men went up, and made raids upon the Geshurites, the Girzites, and the Amalekites, for these were the inhabitants of the land from of old, as far as Shur, to the . And David smote the land, and left neither man nor woman alive...”
Well, that should just about finish them off. They were “utterly destroyed”, followed by a good smiting. Since neither man nor woman was left alive, that should pretty much do it for the Amalekites.
Not quite. In 1 Samuel 30:1, they’re back, and stronger than ever: “Now when David and his men came to Ziklag, on the third day, the Amalekites had made a raid upon the Negeb, and upon Ziklag.” They seem pretty feisty for a group that has just been killed twice. What’s a righteous king to do with people like this? You guessed it, kill them again.
1 Samuel 30:17: “And David smote them from twilight until the evening of the next day, and not a man of them escaped, except four hundred young men who mounted camels and fled. David recovered all that the Amalekites had taken, and David rescued his two wives.”
Smiting is apparently rather time consuming. I also find it amusing that “not a man of them escaped”, except for four hundred men.
Well, that pretty well wraps it up for the Amalekites. But wait. In Esther 3:1, a reference is made to “Haman, the Agagite.” If you look in 1 Samuel 15:7,8, which is quoted above, you will find that Agag was the King of Amalek. So, when the events recorded in Esther took place, around 484 B.C., there were still Amalekites alive and well.
God certainly had it in for the Amalekites. Not only did he entirely wipe them out three times, but he even intended to destroy the memory of them. Exodus 17:14 says: “And the Lord said to Moses, ‘Write this as a memorial in a book and recite it in the ears of Joshua, that I will utterly blot out the remembrance of Amalek from under heaven.”
Now, that’s good thinking. If God wanted to blot out the memory of Amalek, why would he set up a memorial in the most widely published book in history? Apparently he didn’t do a very good job of blotting out Amalek. Not only can we still read about him, but his ancestors survived for about another 800 years. For all we know, there might still be some around...
SAUL, THE MDS SUFFERER
One of the worst cases of multiple death syndrome (MDS), that is recorded in the Bible is King Saul. He was not a very popular man. It seemed that everyone wanted him dead - himself, the Philistines, his attendant, and even God. Let’s take a look at some of his deaths.
1 Samuel 31:4 - “Therefore, Saul took his own sword and fell upon it.” This is a pretty straight forward, definitive statement of how Saul died.
In the next chapter, 2 Samuel 1, a young Amalekite takes credit for Saul’s murder. You can hardly blame him, after being killed three times himself, he probably just wanted to be on the giving end of one of these deaths. In verse 10, he claims: “So I stood beside him, and I slew him...”. Technically, this is not a problem in the bible. It is understood that the young man was lying. It’s really just an interesting aside in the chain of events.
In 2 Samuel 21:12, we find another definitive statement regarding Saul’s death: “David went and took the bones of Saul, and the bones of his son Jonathan from the men of Jabesh-Gilead, who had stolen them from the public square of Beth-Shan, where the Philistines had hanged them, on the day the Philistines killed Saul on Gilboa.”
Did you notice the problem, here? Yes, that was a terrible run-on sentence. In addition, we now find that Saul did not commit suicide after all, but rather, was killed by the Philistines.
But, we’re not done, yet. In 1 Chronicles, chapter 10, another person takes credit for Saul’s death, and we have to assume that this one isn’t lying. Verses 13 and 14: “So Saul died for his unfaithfulness... Therefore, the Lord slew him, and turned the kingdom over to David, the son of Jesse.”
So, Saul committed suicide, was killed in war, and was executed by God. I guess the Bible writers really wanted him dead.
JUDAS GETS IT TWICE
One of the prime laws governing any story character is: Don’t mess with the author. Killing the author tends to be a career limiting move for a character.
Now, no one denies that Judas Iscariot was a bad dude. Killing the son of God is bad enough, but as a character in a book, he should know that the author always has the last word. So, it’s not too surprising that Judas gets nailed twice. What makes this even more remarkable is that in both cases, he does it himself.
The first suicide of Judas is recorded in Matthew 27:5. “And throwing down the pieces of silver in the temple, he departed; and he went and hanged himself.”
Now, in all fairness, the Bible does not say that Judas died from the hanging. Although, I think most people would assume that he did. In fact, if the hanging was not fatal, why bother mentioning it at all?
Acts 1:18 couldn’t leave well enough alone. The writer of this book had to come up with an even better story - and it really is better, filled with gory details: “Now this man bought a field with the reward of his wickedness; and falling headlong, he burst open in the middle and all his bowels gushed out.”
Apparently, the writer of Acts couldn’t resist finding a prophecy fulfillment in Judas’ death, so he found an obscure scripture in Psalms and made the events fit the reference. As a bit of speculation, I wonder if this is where we get the expression, “bought the farm.”
Some people have put forward the hypothesis that he hanged himself on a tree that had a branch overhanging a cliff. When he jumped off, the branch broke, and he fell, splitting himself open. This isn’t a bad story, except that it is pure speculation - there is nothing in the bible to indicate that it happened. As well, under this scenario, he would not “fall headlong”. He would have fallen feet first.
However this really happened, it is clear that God’s inerrant word of truth is a little confused.
KILL ‘EM AGAIN GOD, THE OLD FASHIONED WAY
There’s nothing that the Bible likes better than a good, old fashioned, smiting. In fact, the Bible writers liked killing so much, that sometimes, they couldn’t restrain themselves from killing the same people several times. This undoubtedly felt so good at the time that they didn’t worry about the apologetic problems that would arise later.
This chapter deals with some of the more obvious ones.
PHARAOH'S REMARKABLE HORSES
Going once:
In response to Pharaoh's hard heartedness in not letting the Israelites leave, God sent ten plagues upon
So, there they go. All of the Egyptians livestock are now dead.
Going twice:
Unfortunately, the dead animals haven’t learned their lesson, so when plague 10 rolls around , they get targeted again. Exodus 12:29 informs us: “And at midnight, Jehovah struck every firstborn in Egypt, from the Pharaoh's firstborn, who was to sit on his throne, to the firstborn of the prisoners of war in the dungeon, and all the firstborn of cattle.”
Notice that “every firstborn in ” is killed. This would mean every firstborn of every family of humans and animals. Cattle are specifically listed. I wonder what they did to deserve this notoriety. They always seem so unassuming. They must be plotting something.
Now, how is it that the firstborn of animals are killed, when all of the animals had already been killed in plague 5? Please note that if every firstborn is killed, that would also include horses. I bring this up because it becomes important in a minute.
Going three times?
Well, stubborn Pharaoh still hasn’t learned his lesson. After a momentary lapse where he lets the Israelites go, he changes his mind and chases after them. Exodus 14:9 points out: “And the Egyptians pursued them, and overtook them camping by the sea, all the Pharaoh's chariot-ponies and cavalry horses and his troops, by Pi-Hahiroth, in front of Baal-Sephan.”
The Israelites must have been moving slowly indeed, if Pharaoh overtook them on twice-dead ponies. In spite of the remarkable accomplishments of these dead steeds, they get it one more time. In Exodus 14:23, the washes over the Egyptians, killing them, their ponies, and their cavalry horses.
It’s too bad these horses were so thoroughly killed. These remarkable animals would surely have made valuable breeding stock.
The Amalekites - Three Time Losers
The Amalekites caught the brunt of God’s anger several times. Their first death was recorded in 1 Samuel 15:7,8: “And Saul defeated the Amalekites from Havilah as far as Shur, which is East of Egypt. And he took Agag, the king of the Amalekites alive, and utterly destroyed all the people with the edge of the sword.”
So, no more Amalekites, right? Wrong! Shortly after, while Saul was still King and David was a military leader, they return. Not bad for a tribe that was utterly destroyed. 1 Samuel 27:8,9 says: “Now David and his men went up, and made raids upon the Geshurites, the Girzites, and the Amalekites, for these were the inhabitants of the land from of old, as far as Shur, to the . And David smote the land, and left neither man nor woman alive...”
Well, that should just about finish them off. They were “utterly destroyed”, followed by a good smiting. Since neither man nor woman was left alive, that should pretty much do it for the Amalekites.
Not quite. In 1 Samuel 30:1, they’re back, and stronger than ever: “Now when David and his men came to Ziklag, on the third day, the Amalekites had made a raid upon the Negeb, and upon Ziklag.” They seem pretty feisty for a group that has just been killed twice. What’s a righteous king to do with people like this? You guessed it, kill them again.
1 Samuel 30:17: “And David smote them from twilight until the evening of the next day, and not a man of them escaped, except four hundred young men who mounted camels and fled. David recovered all that the Amalekites had taken, and David rescued his two wives.”
Smiting is apparently rather time consuming. I also find it amusing that “not a man of them escaped”, except for four hundred men.
Well, that pretty well wraps it up for the Amalekites. But wait. In Esther 3:1, a reference is made to “Haman, the Agagite.” If you look in 1 Samuel 15:7,8, which is quoted above, you will find that Agag was the King of Amalek. So, when the events recorded in Esther took place, around 484 B.C., there were still Amalekites alive and well.
God certainly had it in for the Amalekites. Not only did he entirely wipe them out three times, but he even intended to destroy the memory of them. Exodus 17:14 says: “And the Lord said to Moses, ‘Write this as a memorial in a book and recite it in the ears of Joshua, that I will utterly blot out the remembrance of Amalek from under heaven.”
Now, that’s good thinking. If God wanted to blot out the memory of Amalek, why would he set up a memorial in the most widely published book in history? Apparently he didn’t do a very good job of blotting out Amalek. Not only can we still read about him, but his ancestors survived for about another 800 years. For all we know, there might still be some around...
SAUL, THE MDS SUFFERER
One of the worst cases of multiple death syndrome (MDS), that is recorded in the Bible is King Saul. He was not a very popular man. It seemed that everyone wanted him dead - himself, the Philistines, his attendant, and even God. Let’s take a look at some of his deaths.
1 Samuel 31:4 - “Therefore, Saul took his own sword and fell upon it.” This is a pretty straight forward, definitive statement of how Saul died.
In the next chapter, 2 Samuel 1, a young Amalekite takes credit for Saul’s murder. You can hardly blame him, after being killed three times himself, he probably just wanted to be on the giving end of one of these deaths. In verse 10, he claims: “So I stood beside him, and I slew him...”. Technically, this is not a problem in the bible. It is understood that the young man was lying. It’s really just an interesting aside in the chain of events.
In 2 Samuel 21:12, we find another definitive statement regarding Saul’s death: “David went and took the bones of Saul, and the bones of his son Jonathan from the men of Jabesh-Gilead, who had stolen them from the public square of Beth-Shan, where the Philistines had hanged them, on the day the Philistines killed Saul on Gilboa.”
Did you notice the problem, here? Yes, that was a terrible run-on sentence. In addition, we now find that Saul did not commit suicide after all, but rather, was killed by the Philistines.
But, we’re not done, yet. In 1 Chronicles, chapter 10, another person takes credit for Saul’s death, and we have to assume that this one isn’t lying. Verses 13 and 14: “So Saul died for his unfaithfulness... Therefore, the Lord slew him, and turned the kingdom over to David, the son of Jesse.”
So, Saul committed suicide, was killed in war, and was executed by God. I guess the Bible writers really wanted him dead.
JUDAS GETS IT TWICE
One of the prime laws governing any story character is: Don’t mess with the author. Killing the author tends to be a career limiting move for a character.
Now, no one denies that Judas Iscariot was a bad dude. Killing the son of God is bad enough, but as a character in a book, he should know that the author always has the last word. So, it’s not too surprising that Judas gets nailed twice. What makes this even more remarkable is that in both cases, he does it himself.
The first suicide of Judas is recorded in Matthew 27:5. “And throwing down the pieces of silver in the temple, he departed; and he went and hanged himself.”
Now, in all fairness, the Bible does not say that Judas died from the hanging. Although, I think most people would assume that he did. In fact, if the hanging was not fatal, why bother mentioning it at all?
Acts 1:18 couldn’t leave well enough alone. The writer of this book had to come up with an even better story - and it really is better, filled with gory details: “Now this man bought a field with the reward of his wickedness; and falling headlong, he burst open in the middle and all his bowels gushed out.”
Apparently, the writer of Acts couldn’t resist finding a prophecy fulfillment in Judas’ death, so he found an obscure scripture in Psalms and made the events fit the reference. As a bit of speculation, I wonder if this is where we get the expression, “bought the farm.”
Some people have put forward the hypothesis that he hanged himself on a tree that had a branch overhanging a cliff. When he jumped off, the branch broke, and he fell, splitting himself open. This isn’t a bad story, except that it is pure speculation - there is nothing in the bible to indicate that it happened. As well, under this scenario, he would not “fall headlong”. He would have fallen feet first.
However this really happened, it is clear that God’s inerrant word of truth is a little confused.